Kakashi's Kekkaishi
by Sushi4Brains
Summary: An educator's curiosity draws him into the suddenly darkened world of the man once considered the bane of his existence. Along the way, Iruka is plunged into a world of centuries old traditions, powerful spell casters known as kekkaishi, and an uneasy friendship. Ridiculous misunderstandings abound, a little angst, and some humor too. Eventual KakaIru.
1. Chapter 1

This little tale features a very young, intact Team Kakashi, their enigmatic team leader and his ninken, and Iruka-sensei in all his pony-tailed, hot-tempered glory. Fractured timelines, implausible misunderstandings, a sprinkling of angst and hopefully a little humor abound.

Elements of Kekkaishi, a manga/anime by Yellow Tanabe are included, though none of her characters interact with those from Naruto. Prior knowledge of the anime/manga Kekkaishi is not required.

I own neither Naruto or Kekkaishi darn it, and no profit is made from this fan fiction.

* * *

Saturday mornings at the Leaf Hospital were typically quiet; especially when it wasn't a payday weekend, a full moon, or heaven forbid… both. Shizune happily breezed her way through eight slightly injured shinobi (a poker game gone awry), four civilian outpatients (spectators to the aforementioned poker game), and assisted in the delivery of two new citizens of the Leaf Village, all before the crack of noon.

This sudden stultifying tranquility meant she was free to settle into the mind-numbing task of pharmaceutical inventory she'd put off for weeks. _Dammit!_ At least she could look forward to a break in the monotony when, or if, that Nara kid came to drop off supplies.

Four cups of coffee and a mountain of invoices later, she was wired, and a tad grouchy, probably because she'd barely made a dent in the paperwork scattered across the desk. Glancing at the clock every few minutes likely did nothing to alleviate the doldrums either. _Is that damn thing running in reverse? That's it-I need a change of scenery!_ Her aching back heartily concurred when she indulged in a languid stretch and frivolous thoughts of basking in the late morning sunshine filtering through her mind. _Surely, Tsunade won't begrudge me ten minutes to unwind outside the hospital's walls, would she?_

Slinging her lab coat haphazardly over that box of unfinished requisitions she swore was taunting her, Shizune practically skipped toward the door and freedom. A steady low rumble of noise beyond the supply room door effectively, albeit temporarily, shoved all thoughts of relaxation to the edges of her mind. _What fresh hell is this now?_

The sounds of shattering glass, stifled screams, and scraping metal issuing from the emergency room became exceedingly louder once she cracked open the office door; she chose to ignore them. Having been a medic for too many years, she'd witnessed how injured shinobi reacted to medical treatment and she wasn't about to let this latest kerfuffle distract her. She was a woman on her own mission and she positively, absolutely refused to let anything stand in the way of a well-deserved time out. "Besides," she sullenly reasoned aloud, "The ER medics on duty are more than qualified to handle crybaby shinobi."

At least, that's what she thought until she heard ferocious barking and the muffled shout, "_**Somebody get an Inuzuka in here!"**_

Slinking off in the opposite direction of the emergency room, she shook her head in dismay. "I should turn back," she said under her breath, "but I don't want to."_ You're a healer, you should go help out,_ her conscience nagged relentlessly, _what's more, Tsunade's gonna have a first class hissy fit if you don't get a handle on whatever is going on in there._

Executing a sharp about face, she trudged toward the tumult, secretly grateful for the interruption, even though it upset her agenda. Ducking into pharmaceutical supply, she drew three syringes of the powerful sedative, _Laymewaylow_, before angrily storming down the corridor. _If I'm going to check this thing out, then I better be prepared to shut it down quickly._

Twenty paces from her destination, the emergency room doors spewed forth a wild-eyed scruffily disoriented medic like a violently venting volcano. The sharply worded reprimand she'd prepared to dish out evaporated before reaching her lips, engulfed as she was by the churning waves of sheer panic radiating from the fleeing medi-nin.

_Sweet Kami, what happened? _Grabbing the frightened man by the shoulders, she shuddered. Michio Sumimura, the normally unflappable senior medic now in in her grasp was rapidly transforming into a precipitously dissolving puddle of flop sweat and utter bewilderment. _I'll never get an accurate report from him in this state_!

Praying he'd understand her actions later, she backhanded the blubbering man-hard. Her eyes narrowed on the still quivering medic, "By the gods Michio, calm down and tell me what the hell's going on in there!"

Lucidity's light returned to his vacant eyes in the space of a heartbeat. Snapping to attention, and ruefully rubbing his reddening cheek, he reported briskly, "Ma'am, a few minutes ago, seven snarling and clearly mad dogs materialized in the emergency room. Their chakra was flaring uncontrollably-they were running around in circles- knocking equipment over-barking, snapping, and growling fiercely- we were forced to take cover." With a timorous glance over his shoulder, he turned to look at Shizune, disgust edging slowly across his face. "One of them is a really huge black dog- rather unsanitary beast, it's drooling all over the place," he said with a rather pinched look.

"Crazy jounin," she dourly muttered, "don't they know we aren't a veterinary hospital by now?" With a quick pat on the forearm, she dismissed Michio with orders to "Find Lady Tsunade, last I heard she was doing rounds on the second floor."

With the noise ratcheting up a few decibels, Shizune debated the wisdom of running back for more sedatives or running forward into the mass chaos. Within seconds, she stood before the emergency room entrance; her heart frantically pulsating, her mind helpfully supplying gruesome images of seriously injured medics scattered about the room.

Cautiously, she pushed the oaken doors apart.

"Thank goodness," she breathed, the staff seemed shaken up, but otherwise unharmed. Three glassy-eyed medics cowered against the back wall, while two others cringed behind an overturned gurney. Standing in a loose circle at the epicenter of the commotion, seven dirty and bloodied dogs held the medics at bay. These vicious mutts, some lightly foaming at the muzzle, all with hackles raised, slowly widened the circle, inching ever closer to their petrified hostages.

Her mind wasn't functioning as sharply as she needed it to; try as she might, she simply couldn't formulate an evacuation plan, so she froze, helplessly glued to the spot. Watching every head in the room turn slightly as Tsunade's irritated footfalls reverberated along the corridor, the only thing she thought was, _well, there goes my afternoon break._

The unmistakable anger emanating in their direction made the distressed medics comically scurry into upright positions, more afraid of an angry Hokage, than a pack of obviously feral dogs. Said dogs were also intelligent enough to back away from their quarry, though they continued to raise a ruckus.

Sweeping past her tongue-tied assistant and the twitchy medics, Tsunade strode toward the center of the room, all the while directing an unyielding glare at the snarling hounds. With arms akimbo she raged, "There better be a damn good reason why you mutts are running amok in my emergency room and terrorizing my staff!"

At once, the dogs rushed forward encircling the Hokage, all of them standing on their hind legs beseeching her for assistance. Though stripped of their distinctive insignia, Tsunade instantly knew who these mutts belonged to. _Don't tell me he's gone off and gotten himself killed!_

Never before had she seen his pack behave so savagely, the loss of their ability to speak coherently surely signaled how desperate their summoner's condition was. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she bellowed over the frantic din, "Where's Pakkun?"

Surprisingly, Akino grabbed Bisuke by the scruff of his neck and carelessly flung him toward Bull. The flustered little pup awkwardly scrabbled atop Bull's broad shoulders, briefly bowed his head and respectfully reported, "Hokage-sama, Pakkun is by our master's side; they're both unconscious and gravely injured."

Tsunade hoped the little dog was exaggerating the situation, but she knew better. The only time any of his hounds ever called him 'master' was- well, never, so Kakashi must be in worse shape than she initially reckoned.

With each passing second, the dog's collective agitation intensified, while Tsunade valiantly struggled to tamp down her own anxiety. Kneeling down, she slowly extended her hand to rub the little dog's head, "Bisuke, do you think you're able to lead a medical team to his location?"

Bisuke nodded excitedly, but before he could say anything else, an electrified column of white chakra beamed downward to Tsunade's right; in a twinkling of an eye, a tall dark haired woman emerged bowing politely.

"Sorry for the disturbance Tsunade-hime," the stranger said quietly, "I came as quickly as I could."

"Never mind that Taji," was Tsunade's tetchy shout, "Just make these hounds shut up so I can think straight!"

The pack almost seemed relieved by the newcomer's presence, quickly abandoning Tsunade to crowd around this person with expectant faces and wagging tails, each of them nervously yelling in a dialect unfamiliar to those listening.

Everyone watched in stunned silence as the dogs immediately quieted, dropping to their haunches in unison when the willowy woman pressed a finger to her lips. Beckoning to Bisuke who happily leapt into her outstretched arms, the quivering canine spoke clearly and rapidly.

She listened attentively, murmuring soothing words ever so often to calm the canine. When he'd completed his report, she placed her hand to his still trembling back; bright white chakra gathered around her feet, and when next she spoke, it was harsh. "Get a gurney over here, NOW!"

Medics tripped over themselves in their haste to obey, in less than five seconds a clean gurney appeared at her right side. The glowing blue seal of a reverse summoning jutsu flashed onto the gurney's surface seconds before a blood-soaked, deathly pale, and barely breathing Hatake Kakashi materialized with a similarly injured Pakkun by his side.

Tsunade recoiled in gut-wrenching concern; stymied with fear by the amount of blood sluggishly oozing from too many wounds; she steadied her voice, "What's his status Taji?"

Taji's eyes never left Kakashi's pain-etched face. Her voice became cold, almost robotic as she itemized his injuries; "Poison on the kunai that almost gutted him- partial paralysis of his diaphragm-some type of neurotoxin I imagine. The usual Sharingan overuse resulting in chakra depletion and moderate dehydration from blood loss."

Beginning her preliminary exam of Kakashi's supine form, a faintly discernible "Baka!" spilled from Tsunade's lips. _Why does he always push himself beyond the limits of his endurance? _

The plaintive whine of one of the ninken punctured the cumbersome silence of the room. A chorus of pain-filled howls followed, and a cold wet nose pressed at Tsunade's ankle, attempting to nudge her closer to their master.

Every medic eyed her warily; many appeared to be holding their breath. Tsunade barely noticed. _Shinobi rule number twenty-five_, she repeated like a sanity preserving mantra; apparently, it worked for hard-nosed proficiency slapped down the emotional turmoil threatening to overtake her. As her mind calmed, bright green chakra flowed steadily from sure hands.

Her initial evaluation left her cold.

Constantly aware of his diminishing chakra levels, Tsunade rattled off a rapid-fire volley of instructions while simultaneously devising her surgical stratagem.

"Shizune, call operating theater two; have them ready to go in three minutes. Taji, have some of your shikigami attend to Pakkun, and the rest of these mutts; then get scrubbed up and meet me in the operating room. Pointing to a medic whose name she couldn't recall, "You there, cut what's left of his uniform off and start two IVs, one saline, the other Type O blood. The rest of you get this place cleaned up!"

The still spooked medics stood about for a nanosecond before she yelled, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" "GET MOVING!"

Backing away from the whirlwind of activity surrounding Kakashi and very nearly tripping over Akino in the process, she mumbled, "Damn brat, looks like a centerfold for _Shinobi Trauma Weekly_."

While most of her attention focused on the procedures she needed to perform and the various tests she had to have, Tsunade couldn't shake the creepy crawly feeling running along her spine. This wasn't normal pre-surgical apprehension; no, it was something more dangerous, and coming from Taji. "How long are you going to stand there boring a hole in my back before you attend to the tasks I assigned you?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm on it Tsunade," came the cynical drone. "How bad is the damage this time?"

Tsunade's eyes crossed in frustration, knowing the pesky little woman knew as much about his condition if not more than she did. Hardly in the right frame of mind to deal with being second-guessed or micromanaged, Tsunade bit the inside of her cheek so as not to sound defensive. "Aside from this laceration across the abdomen, he has a compound fracture of the right tibia, and first-degree burns to the right palmar surface. Among his lesser injuries are four cracked ribs, a linear skull fracture, and numerous cuts and bruises along the extremities. I don't even want to think about the extent of his internal injuries." With a nervous laugh she added, "Hell, even the brat's hair is singed."

"Let's look on the bright side," Taji smirked, "at least I won't have to chase him around the village with an ANBU squad and chakra restraints to give him a haircut this time."

Tsunade snickered faintly before shooing the younger woman away, "Just get your happy little butt up to the operating room brat, and leave the comedy routines to the professionals."

-000-

Saturday mornings in the mission room were akin to a mini-vacation for Iruka because the flow of work always followed a pleasantly predictable pattern. A tiny avalanche of mission scrolls awaiting filing would accumulate on his desk; he'd sort through them with ruthless efficiency, and make time to catch up with former students receiving missions. This usually left him with at least three hours in which to grade homework, and tweak lesson plans for the upcoming week before repeating the process in reverse during the afternoon rush.

Damn shame Iruka and the other staffers wouldn't be able to savor the stillness for much longer. Peace and quiet vaulted headlong out the window when the mission room doors slammed open to reveal a muddied, yet distinctively orange whirling dervish determinedly streaking toward Iruka's desk.

Scarcely anyone looked up from their work; years of Gai's 'Dynamic Entry' techniques had a way of doing that to a person. Down to the last man, they all frantically reached for chakra-enhanced earplugs, bracing themselves for the verbal onslaught, which would commence in five—four—three-two…

With practiced familiarity, Iruka was standing behind his desk, one hand fisted on his hip, the other stretched toward the exuberant boy. "Naruto, what the …! How many times have I told you about barging in here as if your hair were on fire?"

Naruto flailed and bounced about wildly like a SuperBall® on crack, boisterously exclaiming, "But Iruka-sensei, it's really important…it's… it's an almost emergency!"

Being fluent in 'Naruto-speak', Iruka knew this type of urgency was either related to a Konoha-wide ramen dearth (heaven forfend), or equally unlikely, Sakura had agreed to go on a date with him. The obligatory weary sigh accompanied the folding of his arms across his chest, "_Almost_ is not the same as an actual emergency!" he bellowed. Lowering his voice slightly without lessening the intensity of the scolding, "When you remember how to use your 'inside voice', I'll be happy to hear about this _almost emergency_; until then, you will pipe down- understood?"

Naruto settling down to gather his thoughts would take almost as long as an iceberg melting in winter- in Siberia. Iruka used the time to drain the dregs of his coffee mug, gather the forsaken pile of homework, alphabetize and sort it into classroom groups, and stuff it into his satchel. Naruto's fidgeting slowed, but Iruka could tell he was still ruminating. Moseying to the front of the desk, Iruka perched patiently.

Glancing between Naruto's cheerless face and the mission room door, Iruka gulped down a robust guffaw. Lo and behold, the equally mud-encrusted and thoroughly disheveled remnants of his squad pathetically limped in to stand behind their errant teammate.

_Far be it from me to criticize Kakashi-sensei's training methods, but this ridiculous, even for him. _"Sakura, Sasuke-were you guys cleaning out the village's sewers or something?"

Balefully shaking their heads, they both glared at Naruto, who'd calmed himself enough to mumble a sincerely disingenuous, "Sorry Iruka-sensei." Pudgy whiskered cheeks puffed out proudly as he proclaimed, "We just finished training for the day!"

Iruka reached out to ruffle the boy's already mussed hair, extracting a few twigs and bits of assorted flora from Naruto's headband,"That certainly explains your appearance," he chuckled. "I'm afraid I'll need your help to understand what your training had to do with this 'almost emergency' you were raving about."

"That part's coming up later Iruka-sensei," beamed Naruto. "Where was I? Oh, yeah, we trained all by ourselves today because Kakashi-sensei's been off on some mission since half past forever and …"

"Oh, for crying out loud Naruto," Sakura whined, "it's only been five days. Ignore him Iruka-sensei, you know how he exaggerates."

While it wasn't unusual for the Hokage to task Kakashi with the occasional high ranked mission, Iruka took issue with the jounin's failure to make other arrangements for his team's supervision. _I'll be sure to bring that up to him next time he saunters into the mission room._

"Training on your own, on a Saturday, no less?" Iruka enthused, "well I'm sure Kakashi-sensei will be pleased to hear of your initiative. I'm pretty impressed myself; you guys are very industrious."

Naruto blinked in confusion as he gave himself the once over, "What kind of dust is that Iruka-sensei?"

"Oh, for the love of…" Sasuke groaned. "The word 'industrious' means hard-working you moron."

Iruka intervened to forestall the inevitable angry outburst, "All right, break it up." The stern look he gave wasn't having an impact on the seething Naruto or the sullen Sasuke, but a word of praise normally settled them down. "It makes me very proud to see you all have what it takes to become excellent shinobi."

At Iruka's commendation, Naruto glowed like the summer sun at high noon; Sakura tittered coyly and profusely blushed. Sasuke, well…he was…Sasuke.

"I for one was glad we got break from Kakashi," came Sasuke's flat declaration. "He was starting to tap dance on my last nerve."

"Yeah," Naruto chimed in. "Normally he's a lazy pervert, who ignores us when we train, but for the past few weeks Kakashi-sensei has actually been leading us through exercises instead of watching us from up in a tree."

"Naruto!" admonished Iruka gently thumping him on the head, "Don't speak so disrespectfully about your sensei."

"Ow," Naruto squawked, "Are you trying to give me a percussion Iruka-sensei? Geez, I was telling the truth, right guys?"

Naruto and Sakura turned as one to focus on Sasuke when he uncharacteristically agreed, "For once the dobe is right. Kakashi's been on time for training lately, and he hasn't even been reading his little book." With a barely concealed tremor he added, "A few days ago when we mastered a technique, he actually," Sasuke swallowed…"He hugged us. I'm telling you Iruka-sensei, something's definitely wrong with him."

NOTES:

The name Michio means, "Man on a journey."

Shikigami are the servants of the ability user who creates them. When not being used for a specific purpose, they are nothing more than simple slips of paper that bear the emblem of their creator. Depending on the mission required, shikigami take on the form of doves or crows, capable of human speech, when used to relay messages. They may take on a human form, should their inherent powers of healing and restoration be required.

SuperBall® is the sole property of Wham-O Toys. No copyright infringement intended, only nostalgic musings of simpler times when interactive toys meant something completely different.


	2. Hospital Hijinx Part Two

The characters of Naruto (manga and anime) are still the intellectual property of Masashi Kishimoto. (I checked five minutes ago). The concepts of Kekkaishi (manga and anime) still belong to Yellow Tanabe (darn it!), however I'm still borrowing them to torture- I mean, dash out this little fan fiction.

Thanks Thermophile57: I paid attention to your threats, I mean suggestions.

* * *

Last time…

"Yeah," Naruto chimed in. "Normally he's a lazy pervert, who ignores us when we train, but for the past few weeks Kakashi-sensei has actually been leading us through exercises instead of watching us from up in a tree."

"Naruto!" admonished Iruka gently thumping him on the head, "Don't speak so disrespectfully about your sensei."

"Ow," Naruto squawked, "Are you trying to give me a percussion Iruka-sensei? Geez, I was telling the truth, right guys?"

Naruto and Sakura turned as one to focus on Sasuke when he uncharacteristically agreed, "For once the dobe is right. Kakashi's been on time for training lately, and he hasn't even been reading his little book." With a barely concealed tremor he added, "A few days ago when we mastered a technique, he actually," Sasuke swallowed…"He hugged us. I'm telling you Iruka-sensei, something's definitely wrong with him."

This time, every eye in the mission room turned toward Sasuke in horror-struck silence. No one was more shocked than Iruka. _If Sasuke was stringing together more than five words at a time, maybe Kakashi's behavior warranted closer inspection. _No one in their right mind would ever accuse Kakashi of being the touchy-feely type and if Sasuke was correct, something was indeed very wrong with the Copy Ninja.

Iruka scratched his head, thoughtfully examining the bumfuzzled faces of his former students. Over the course of a few weeks, he'd also noticed a disturbing trend. Team Seven's reports were on time, neat, well written, and free from any perverted commentary or disturbing stick figures in the margins. _Hmm… maybe Kakashi-sensei was overdue for his yearly psych evaluation. No, there was always a method to the man's madness. Underestimating Kakashi's rationale behind his training methods would only lead to frustration. _

Determined to give the quirky jounin the benefit of a doubt Iruka offered, "I'm sure you guys are probably mistaken. Isn't Kakashi-sensei always going on about 'looking behind the underneath' or something like that? He could be testing your skills of observation, or trying to emphasize the importance of teamwork. Or, maybe he's just pulling a prank on you guys."

Iruka didn't believe that last explanation himself, and judging from their expressions, neither did Kakashi's team. Kakashi was a man of many talents, but a prankster… hardly.

"Who knows, maybe you guys are part of one of Gai-sensei's insane ...I mean, worthy challenges with Kakashi-sensei? " He tried to look optimistic, "I know, maybe Jiraya-sama promised him an advance autographed copy of his new… um, novel?" he nervously laughed. Now that was a more plausible excuse.

Sasuke and Naruto nodded their agreement. Obviously, that man would do almost anything within reason to get his questionable reading material.

"I don't think so Iruka-sensei," Sakura shyly said. "I bet his girlfriend is having a positive influence on him," she added with a dreamy sigh.

As if the collective intake of breath weren't enough, one of the mission room workers flawlessly executed a spit take while another tripped over an invisible seam in the floor, still another ninja tipped inelegantly backward from his seat.

Clearly ignoring the hijinks playing out around him, Sasuke replied, "He's been hanging around with this woman we've never seen before. It's her fault he's acting weird."

Now it was Iruka's turn to be puzzled. On the one hand, he knew silly romantic notions would never taint Sasuke's judgment; conversely, Sakura could be downright perceptive at times. _Hmm…_"Are you sure this person is a girlfriend Sakura?" Iruka queried apprehensively. "She could be a family member or just a good friend."

Iruka was sure Kakashi didn't have any close female relatives and he could probably count the number of friends he knew the man to have on one hand.

Sakura's knowing smile was enough for him to believe she was steadfast in her judgment; that type of speculation made him uneasy. He'd seen Kakashi viciously tear into a fellow shinobi who dared make inference about the Copy Ninja's private life and wanted to spare Sakura's feelings. "It's unwise to present one's assumptions as facts Sakura," he tactfully warned, "especially here in the mission room. That's how ugly rumors get started."

Kotetsu removed one of his earplugs, "Not by us, we weren't even listening, right 'Zumo?"

Izumo continued filing, his back to Iruka, "Kakashi-san's got _another_ girlfriend? Damn man, what's he using for bait?"

Turning to Naruto whose insistent tugs on his sleeve were threatening to leave him shirtless, Iruka patiently asked, "Yes, what is it?"

"As usual, Sakura's jumping to collusions Iruka-sensei," Naruto loudly whispered. "If having a girlfriend or whatever she is, can make him train us like a normal sensei, then I'm all for the idea."

Iruka arched his eyebrows toward the self-assured boy; W_ell, dip me in chocolate, and call me a petunia, Naruto- the voice of reason?_

Straightaway, Naruto's notoriously short attention span kicked in and he gleefully deserted further discussion about Kakashi's unsubstantiated inamorata. Instead, he tightly hugged Iruka's waist while not so subtly entreating, "By the way, after all that training we did this morning, I'm starving to death so can you take me out for ramen, huh, please?"

_Ah, there was the Naruto he knew_. Grinning amiably, Iruka feigned surprise, "So that's the _almost emergency?_"

Mind you, the boy was the undisputed master of the '_**darn you found me out, but**_ _**aren't I adorable?'**_ look that never failed to blast through Iruka's defenses. Tightening his grip around Iruka's midsection, Naruto added the deal-breaker sheepish grin, and there went Iruka's resolve. If he listened carefully, that soft sobbing sound was coming from his tightly packed wallet.

Looking down into those guileless blue eyes, Iruka said, "My shift ends as soon as Genma-san drags himself in here, so yes, I'll treat you all to ramen for your hard work today."

"You go ahead with the kids, Iruka," said Kotetsu removing his other earplug. "'Zumo and me can manage until Genma shows up, if he shows up at all."

"Thanks 'Tetsu', I owe you one," Iruka mouthed as he quickly herded the ravenous youngsters toward the door.

Naruto's nonstop chatter about his death-defying exploits during training provided Iruka with far too much time to marinate in his own thoughts. Ordinarily he wouldn't give a flip about Kakashi's amorous pursuits, but now, his inherent curiosity was getting the better of him.

Of course, Iruka understood in theory why women were constantly throwing themselves at Hatake Kakashi. The man was an elite jounin which some equated with being rather well off; perhaps_ that's the bait._ Nobody would deny that Kakashi was practically a living legend due to his mastery of the Sharingan; _that takes care of the fame angle. _The man was a charismatic leader and extremely intelligent to boot. _Small wonder some designing woman hadn't snatched him up before now. _

A few more unanswered questions buzzed around his brain. First, everybody knew Kakashi fiercely protected his privacy, so it wasn't that hard to believe that no one outside of his team knew about this woman. _Still, what kind of respectable 'lady' would associate herself with an egotistical, condescending, hentai like Hatake Kakashi?_

Kakashi was a confirmed bachelor, and quite insistent on remaining that way. Iruka remembered laughing along when he heard stories of how Kakashi resisted matchmaking attempts in the past. There were even rumors about how he'd slithered out of at least two arranged marriages as well. Having worked in "Gossip Central" AKA, the mission room for years, he couldn't remember ever hearing that Kakashi was seriously dating anyone. _Surely, news of that magnitude would have had the entire village buzzing for months, right?" _Unsubstantiated stories abounded about Kakashi's purported sexual conquests naturally, but never anything of any substance.

_Well Kakashi-san was getting along in years—for a ninja anyway. Maybe the Council of Elders has been breathing down his neck to produce an heir to his bloodline lately. That would be a definite boon to the village. It's even possible that he was saddled him with a genin team in an effort to make him consider starting his own family. What am I saying? With my luck, I'll probably live long enough to wind up with a few of the hell-raising Hatakes in my classes! _

His morose mental meanderings abruptly ended when Naruto politely plunked him down at a counter stool.

"You all right Iruka-sensei? Naruto hesitantly asked. "You kinda spaced out and had this funny look on your face, like you ate something sour."

"I'm fine Naruto," he laughed, "Thanks for being concerned."

For a Saturday afternoon Ichiraku's was strangely deserted; a fact that apparently escaped the kids' notice as Iruka found himself sandwiched between Sasuke on his left and Sakura on his right. He didn't mind, besides, watching Naruto trying to attract Ayame's attention was good for a few laughs.

_One of these days, I've got to teach that boy the meaning of subtlety._

Hastily exchanging pleasantries and placing their order, the group settled into their usual routine. Naruto blathered on ad nauseum about saving his teammates from their own recklessness; Sakura, Sasuke, and Iruka either nodded at the appropriate times or rowdily corrected Naruto's version of the facts.

As the kids continued to laugh and playfully bicker with each other, Iruka was in high spirits. His fondest wish for Naruto had always been for him to experience the love and care of a family unit; within his squad, it seemed his wish turned into a reality. Naruto had a screwball older sister, who kept him in line, an uptight older brother who spurred him on to reach new goals, and a weird uncle type in Kakashi-sensei. _Two out of three 'ain't bad, Naruto idolizes Kakashi, though he constantly rags on the man for his bad habits. _A dysfunctional family dynamic was better than nothing at all, and Iruka could see how each of the kids had grown from the strong bonds they'd unwittingly formed.

A bony elbow inopportunely poking him in the ribs slapped a kibosh on his reflections. With a pained frown, Iruka grunted politely, "Do you need something Sasuke?"

Scoping out their surroundings, Sasuke leaned closer to ask, "Iruka-sensei, how well do you know Kakashi?"

Truth be told, Iruka knew as much about Hatake Kakashi as anyone in the village did, the rough equivalent of enough to fill a thimble, with room to spare for an elephant. While it wasn't in Iruka's nature to dislike someone with a definite cause, something about Kakashi irked him to the core. It was as if the man had no other purpose in life than to drive him crazy.

Kakashi's 'go-to' amusement of late was twisting Iruka's innocuous comments into something wildly perverse; that in turn lead to a conniption fit on Iruka's part and a barely believable apology from Kakashi. Once he'd raised Iruka's blood pressure to dangerous levels, he'd take off with a carefree wave and a stupid grin.

The mere thought of the man brought about an annoying facial tic.

Despite that, Iruka was still reluctant to speak ill of Kakashi to one of his students. He simply twisted his lips into an awkward smile saying, "I really don't know that much about him Sasuke, why?"

Hesitating briefly, Sasuke leaned closer, whispering, "Making an elite jounin like Kakashi endure endless lower ranking missions with a bunch of genin like us-you don't think he's having some sort of psychotic episode, do you?"

Iruka thought the same thing on numerous occasions, though he would never publicly verbalize his opinion. Forcing out a spindly laugh, he replied with a wink, "No, of course not Sasuke. I'm sure Ibiki or the Hokage would have noticed before now, don't you think?"

"Maybe," was Sasuke's nervous response, "remember, Kakashi's crafty."

From the end of the counter Naruto yelled, "Hey Iruka-sensei, do you remember Kakashi-sensei's girlfriend we told you about earlier? Yeah, she's kinda pretty and all that I guess, but she's really weird. It's something about her-I'm not sure what it is or why, but she just freaks me out."

_What, Naruto noticed that someone other than Sakura was pretty? Looks like I need to have "The Talk" with him sooner than I thought. _ "I'm sure it's just your imagination Naruto," he insisted with a smile.

Sakura lightly grumbled, "Oh, please, she probably said something disparaging about ramen or obnoxious loud blonde kids that wear orange all the time."

Pushing aside his third bowl, Naruto whined, "It's hard to put in plain words Iruka-sensei, but whenever she's around, I kinda feel nervous or like I'm outta control."

"Gimme a break Naruto," laughed Sakura, "You've been out of control since I've known you so you can't blame her for that."

Thank goodness for Teuchi's sense of timing. Even though Naruto's face was scrunched up with a loud rebuttal on his tongue, the steaming bowl of free ramen sufficiently distracted him. Whatever disagreements he had were quickly swallowed down along with pieces of barbequed pork and soft wheat noodles.

Another sharp poke in the ribs and Sasuke said, "Whoever this woman is, she has a remarkably strong and finely controlled chakra. Even the dobe can sense how powerful she is."

"See, Iruka-sensei," Sakura stated emphatically, "this is a perfect match. She obviously makes Kakashi-sensei happy; they're always laughing together and they have their own special language." Another dramatic sigh flowed from her lips, and Iruka inched farther to his left. "Besides, I think she has was it takes to beat him into submission when he acts irresponsibly."

Iruka almost strangled himself on that last mouthful of noodles. Without his permission, an image of a demure little woman chasing Kakashi down the street with a rolling pin steamrollered through his mind. He shook his head quietly thinking, _Nah, that would never happen. The arrogant jerk probably prefers some simpering "walks ten paces behind him" type. I almost feel sorry for the poor woman._

"I hope they get married soon," Sakura sighed, "so he can go back to his normal self." She dropped her chopsticks into the empty bowl, "Oh wow, I just realized, I don't have anything to wear to the wedding!"

Iruka inched even farther to his left.

"You're being annoying again Sakura," smirked Sasuke. "I'd hold off on that shopping spree. We have no idea who or what she is to Kakashi."

"She could be his grandmother for all I care," Naruto said with a slurp. "Kakashi-sensei's gonna help me be the greatest Hokage ever, and that's the only thing that really matters."

Sasuke had a point as did Naruto in their own unique ways, and Iruka gently rebuked himself for harboring uncharitable thoughts about Kakashi. If the man who'd faithfully served Konoha for years had finally found happiness, he was glad for him.

"I like the way he's been training us lately too," Sasuke cringed, "but somebody needs to talk to him about this- hugging business. I might not be responsible for my actions if he keeps that up. You've been a teacher longer than Kakashi has, maybe you can give him some pointers Iruka-sensei."

All this rampant speculation about Kakashi's unusual behavior and especially his 'love life' left Iruka inexplicably annoyed and slightly nauseous. Perhaps more tersely than intended, he snapped, "Listen guys, if it will make you feel any better, I'll bring your concerns to Kakashi-sensei next time I see him, okay?"

That seemed to pacify them, and aside from Naruto's incessant slurps, they finished their meal in realative silence.

Exiting Ichiraku's amidst the perfunctory 'Thank-you-for-lunch' and 'I'm heading home-to-clean-up' chatter, Iruka and his sated little charges cheerfully and literally, walked into the path of Konoha's top purveyor of gossip.

"Hey 'Ruka', watch where I'm going," Genma teased as he lightheartedly poked Iruka in the chest. "Shouldn't you be slaving away at the mission desk instead of- you know," he inclined his head toward Naruto," feeding the bottomless pit over there?"

Slightly offended, Naruto stepped forward to set him straight, but Sakura grabbed his arm. "I'm just kidding around, so chill out Naruto-kun," he laughed. "Actually you're just the folks I was looking for."

The outrageously smug look in Genma's eyes made Iruka strangely jumpy; he was in no mood to hear some ribald tale of shinobi gone wild-well, not in front of impressionable children anyway. Hoping Genma would take the hint to back off Iruka suspiciously barked, "What do you want Shiranui-san?"

It was alarming to watch Genma switch from predatory to propitiating so swiftly. "Whoa, simmer down 'Ruka," he chided, "I meant no harm. Maybe I could get to the mission room faster if the kids would corroborate a strange rumor about their team leader?"

Iruka knew Genma was scavenging for any crumbs of news he could gather up about Kakashi's 'girlfriend' for later broadcast. The thought of that made him even more bilious, or was it that second bowl of ramen? Either way, as he watched Genma cagily sidling up to Naruto, his overprotective nature shot into overdrive, and he hissed a caution, "Make your point Genma-san. The kids have places to go, things to do."

His senbon tilted at a sinister angle, Genma thickly uttered, "Seems as if Kakashi's ninja hounds went on a rampage in the emergency room this morning; really busted the place up, or so I heard. You guys know anything about that?"

Surprised, Iruka boldly told him, "I'm sure that's incorrect Genma-san." Iruka knew for a fact Kakashi was a no-nonsense type who wouldn't tolerate such unruliness from his subordinates or his summons. Even though the man was renowned for doing outlandish things to either avoid or escape hospitalization, Iruka seriously doubted he'd set his dogs loose on the medical staff.

"That's crazy talk!" Naruto yelled. "Kakashi-sensei is still off somewhere on a mission."

"Yeah," Sakura angrily chipped in, "Even if Kakashi-sensei was back in the village, his dogs would never do something that rude."

"Kakashi's ninken," Sasuke added, "aren't stupid enough to get on the Hokage's bad side."

Genma's senbon twitched skeptically, "Hmm -obviously my sources at the hospital were mistaken." He directed a wink toward Iruka, "But if it is true, I bet Tsunade-sama was so pissed she probably ripped him a new one, right Iruka-sensei?"

Perplexed, Naruto turned to Iruka shouting, "Why would Tsunade-bachan rip up his old one Iruka-sensei, whatever it was?"

Iruka wasn't going to touch that explanation with a ten-foot pole. His weathering glare effectively shot down Genma's attempt to 'be helpful' as well.

_One of these days, I've got to have a long talk with that boy._


	3. Catfights, Confrontations, Confessions I

Once again, I tip my hat to the incomparable Thermophile57 for taking the time to beta read this.

* * *

Last time . . .

Genma's senbon twitched skeptically, "Hmm . . . obviously my sources at the hospital were mistaken." He directed a wink toward Iruka and said, "But if it is true, I bet Tsunade-sama was pissed and she probably ripped him a new one, right Iruka-sensei?"

Perplexed, Naruto turned to Iruka shouting, "What does that mean Iruka-sensei? And why would Tsunade-bachan rip up his old one… whatever it was?"

Iruka wasn't going to touch that explanation with a ten-foot pole; his weathering glare effectively shot down Genma's attempt to 'be helpful' as well.

_One of these days, I've got to have a long talk with that boy._

_-000-_

Actually, Tsunade was knuckle-deep in Kakashi's abdomen repairing his damaged diaphragm and liver. Based on Taji's hunch and her own familiarity with poisons, she'd administered a broad-spectrum antidote to counteract most known neurotoxins. His respiration rate and oxygen saturation levels returned to normal levels within minutes. Still, she wasn't content to leave this situation as it was.

Poison analysis was a complicated, time-consuming process; one she couldn't afford to conduct herself. The best and only option available was to send blood and tissue samples to the Nara's research facility. As an added safeguard, she sent word to the Aburame clan as well. Their extensive knowledge of poisons coupled with the Nara's access to the finest medicinal herbs would guarantee a definitive analysis and a toxin specific antidote within a few hours.

Once Tsunade released that heavy burden, she turned her attention to three other major concerns; Shizune, Taji and their longstanding combative relationship. She'd handpicked these two women because they were exceptionally skilled healers, each one possessing impeccable chakra control and vast medical knowledge and experience. Unfortunately, they were also infamously stubborn, and violently unpredictable in all points concerning Kakashi. _What was I thinking? These hotheads could barely stand working in the same hospital at the same time; confining them in a small operating room was like throwing a kerosene soaked rag and a lit match into a dynamite factory._

Redoubling her efforts to strengthen Kakashi's slowly mending diaphragm, she slyly cast sidelong glances between her surgical team members. Shizune, her protege, confidante, and long-suffering aide, stood inches to her right; a sheen of perspiration spreading across her face as she feverishly worked to reconstruct his shattered tibia. Her fingers moved swiftly, precisely realigning bone, tendons and ligaments. They both knew Kakashi's ability to walk again, if at all, rested in her capable hands. And then there was Taji who'd come into her life as a package deal with Kakashi. She was the amusing thorn in her side that aggressively fought against her as she would fight for her. Her hands glowed with brilliant white over his chest, imbued with a blend of his chakra and her own. They all knew their efforts would be for naught if Taji couldn't keep his heart beating.

With a slow shake of her head, Tsunade couldn't help thinking that other games of chance were so much easier; in them at least, she knew her instincts were unreliable at the best of times. Those same fickle instincts had a maddening tendency to be spot on when it came to evaluating people. _Dammit!_ _I just hope these two don't kill each other before we get Kakashi sorted out._

Just then, a voice laden with concern tore her away from these depressing thoughts when Shizune's warm brown eyes swept over her. "Is everything all right Lady Tsunade?"

"Yes," she lied effortlessly. "All is well." The splicing together of his hepatic portal vein was taking longer than she anticipated, and worrying about these two was making it difficult to concentrate on the tangled mass of tissues beneath her fingers. _Come on Tsunade, snap out of it!_

A deep breath, a moment to collect her thoughts, and a silent prayer later, Tsunade contemplated Kakashi's relaxed bared face; that's when realization finally dawned. _Now I remember why these two hate each other's guts! _The floodgates of long forgotten events flew open; rambling thoughts congealed into a visual reiteration of the day that changed the course of each of their lives.

Though Shizune and Taji had never been the best of friends, they maintained a professional respect for one another. At times they'd even shared tea and few laughs at Kakashi's expense. That all changed about ten years ago when Shizune was still a chunnin.

Shizune was part of a team assigned a reasonably straightforward escort mission to the Land of Rain. Though their clients arrived safely, the trip home was fraught with peril at every turn. Forty miles east of Konohagakure's border, the squad was tired, hungry, and woefully unprepared to mount a defense when ambushed by a cell of five rouge ninja. They fought valiantly; they suffered greatly.

Their team leader, severely wounded himself, deemed the journey home impracticable in their current condition. They took refuge in a dank, waterlogged cave for three long days. As the team's medic, Shizune did her best to keep everyone alive and with the last remnants of her chakra, she sent her summons to alert the Sandaime of their dire need of medical attention and extraction.

Then-they waited.

Back home, an ANBU squad, led by Hatake Kakashi accepted the grim task of retrieving the team, dead or alive. He was selected because of his skills as a warrior, as well as for his summons. Time was of the essence. In her exhausted state, Shizune was unable to specify the cave's exact coordinates; nevertheless, the ninken pinpointed their location in less than two days travel.

By that time, Shizune's chakra had virtually ebbed away.

According to Shizune, in the darkness of that murky grotto, the stark white mask of the Hound greeted her. In her enfeebled state, she didn't remember feeling fear, only resignation; be this creature an angel of mercy or of death-she'd lost the will to resist. That rich voice, minutely distorted by the mask, coaxed her from the edge of unconsciousness. A canteen of cool water pressed against her lips, coercing trickles of moisture to soothe her parched throat. A gloved hand gently forced open her dry lips to receive a solider pill.

In her mind, the lanky boy who cradled her against his armor covered chest as he leapt through the underbrush was her savior. The young man who risked his life to bring her safely home; this was the person she felt destined to share the remainder of her life.

As far as Kakashi's was concerned, he was simply doing his duty; assisting a wounded comrade, completing his assigned mission and nothing more.

For weeks afterward, Shizune relentlessly scoured the village to find him; she did. He should have slit her throat on the spot, as knowledge of his masked identity was a threat to village security; he didn't.

Her first mistake was attempting to strike up a friendship with him. He wasn't interested. Most likely, a twisted version of idealized romanticism drove her to make the second mistake.

Shizune encountered him in a local tavern, well on his way to full-fledged inebriation. A mission gone sour, he was angry and needed someone to let him blow off steam. They wound up in his tiny apartment that night. Her virginity, like a freewill offering was surrendered without hesitation; he clumsily, greedily took it.

"Stress relief," he said.

In the light of day, Kakashi was like any other self-centered seventeen-year-old boy. He saw no need for the restrictions of a committed relationship, and told her so- bluntly and repeatedly.

Crushed by his flagrant rejection, Shizune determined never again to be a 'pressure release' for the cold-hearted warrior, and that's when she made her final, almost fatal mistake…blackmail.

With Kakashi out of the village on yet another mission, Shizune used the time to concoct an elaborate tale of how the cocky jounin overpowered her, impregnated, and then abandoned her. Like a bare-footed man on hot coals, bad news travels fast in a ninja village. She'd just sat back and waited to see how valuable his good name was to him.

When this 'news' reached her father, Yukio Dan, the pompous little man was impressively outraged. Using his position as a minor public official, he appealed to the Sandaime Hokage to intercede and force Kakashi to marry his shamed daughter. The Sandaime refused.

Yukio's motivation was simple. It wasn't that he didn't care about his daughter's reputation and well-being; he simply cared more for having his own social status elevated. Any relation to the prominent Hatake clan would certainly ensure that. With no better option on the horizon, he played his trump card, threatening to bring this matter not only before the Council of Elders, but also to the Daimyo himself.

The constant threats, the shameless displays of his self-importance, and the outright badgering, eventually wore down the Sandaime's resistance. One month later the little coterie consisting of Kakashi, Taji, Tsunade, Shizune, Yukio, and one other witness, stood before the Hokage for what was to be an impromptu civil wedding.

Shizune looked triumphant, while Yukio preened in self-righteous victory. Kakashi adorned with chakra-blocking handcuffs, was sweating profusely, and looking proportionately thunderstruck and mutinous. Taji who knew the truth behind this ploy, was bent on revenge, and did nothing to conceal her outrage.

As it turned out the other 'witness' to this sham wedding was Yasahiro Hyuga, a close friend of Taji's; she knew damn well Shizune was lying through her teeth, but she couldn't prove it, not without a little assistance. At her signal, Yasahiro activated his Byakugan and his monotone voice halted the ceremony before it scarcely began. "Shall I tell them the truth Shizune-san, or will you?"

That's when all hell broke loose.

Infuriated by Yukio's machinations and Shizune's pitiful manipulation, Taji went berserk. It took an entire ANBU squad and two doses of industrial-strength sedatives to peel her off Shizune; even then, the murderous fury that seeped from every pore of her being overwhelmed everyone gathered.

Miraculously set free from his handcuffs, not to mention the burden of a wife and child, Kakashi steadfastly glared at Shizune and Yukio, an unconscious Taji draped over his shoulder. With the exception of the Sandaime, everyone anxiously looked toward the young ANBU with trepidation.

He'd been on the battlefield for far too long. Would this incident mark his breaking point?

Deceptively calm Kakashi said nothing- he did nothing, for until that very moment, he had no idea of how deeply his aloofness and egocentricity affected others. Only the Sandaime and Tsunade realized that he'd turned his anger inward, inflicting punishment better suited for one delivered into the hands of a smiling Ibiki Morino.

Bowing as low as was possible before those assembled, he distantly muttered aloud, "I'm sorry Shizune. I never intended to hurt you. Please forgive me."

With a minor displacement of air, he was gone.

After a strained silence, the Third quietly said, "I think it would be for the best if Yukio and Shizune leave the village for a time." He turned to his former student, "Tsunade you will accompany them and provide specialized medical training to Shizune." His last words were filled with contempt for Yukio. "You are hereby relieved of all administrative duties concerning my shinobi. I'll make your apologies to the Council and the Daimyo for your abrupt resignation."

The Third was a wise old man, that much was true, but everyone in the room recognized the attempt to spare Yukio and Shizune's lives for what it was. Taji's insatiable need for revenge would require time and a great deal of distance to resolve itself.

Color slowly began to return to Kakashi's body no sooner than Tsunade finished her work. As she focused her chakra to relieve the inflammation around his internal organs, she reminded herself that incident happened eons ago. _They've matured and I'm willing to bet working together for the common good has drawn them together._

Minutes ticked down like hours and like an itch she couldn't reach, the simmering hostile silence in the room was slowly driving Tsunade crazy. What she really needed was a stiff drink, but for now, she'd amuse herself with a spirited verbal spar.

"I'm a little surprised at you Taji," she flippantly groused, "usually you fight me tooth and nail when I send Kakashi out on back-to-back missions. Why didn't you do that this time around?"

"I'm stunned myself, Tsunade-hime," Taji fired back. "Tsk, tsk, don't tell me you've finally gone senile. I did send a shikigami bird to your private quarters with a message concerning Kakashi's condition. It delivered the message, you acknowledged the message, and then you promptly ignored the message. Remember?"

Tsunade let the comment hang for a beat before countering, "This mission came up so suddenly I had no other choice. Kakashi assured me he was capable and he seemed fit physically so-"

Like lemon juice infused sandpaper, Taji's coarse laughter grated against her already threadbare nerves.

"Oh please, you're as just as delusional and stubborn as this jackass," she snorted. "He's too proud to admit any weakness, and you're too determined to show Konoha's strength by constantly sending him out without proper rest, and…"

"Watch your mouth, Taji!" Shizune bristled, "You're speaking to the Hokage of this village, not one of your little cronies!"

Optimism, Tsunade decided, was for punks. _Crap! I never should have said anything_

A wry smile blossomed over Taji's lips. Her eyes flashed with cruel intent and her mouth was set to issue forth a challenge.

"Thank you Shizune, but there's no need to defend me," came Tsunade's nippy interjection. "I'm quite capable of handling this brat on my own."

"Yeah, Shizune, lighten up," came Taji's barbed wire taunt. "The Hokage knows when I'm just kidding around, unlike some people."

Shizune allowed herself a tense laugh. "Well, your 'sense of humor' always was a bit—inappropriate."

Taji looked somewhat scandalized, temporarily ceasing her work to level an icy glare at her nemesis. "Humph, imagine that- me getting a lecture about propriety from _you_."

Rolling her eyes skyward, Tsunade wracked her brain in earnest, trying to recall any type of jutsu that would temporarily silence another person. She came up empty, but warned, "All right now, both of you get back to your work and be quiet!"

The uneasy intermission lasted for all of fifteen seconds before Taji casually asked, "Tsunade-hime, with the skull fracture he has, is there any chance he might wake up with amnesia?"

Normally, Tsunade's stern glower was sufficient to subdue even the most oblivious of people, (barring Naruto), but this time it was met by Taji's laughable impression of wide-eyed innocence. _She's excessively hopeful for my comfort. What the hell is she up to? _

"Amnesia is possible, but highly unlikely," she tersely replied. "I'll evaluate him later to determine if he's been concussed."

The singsong lilt in Taji's voice was making Tsunade's skin crawl. "Hmm- memory loss would be a bummer, but it could be a lot of fun too. Just think Shizune, maybe this time around we could have a proper wedding-wouldn't that be nice?"

Shizune's eyes blazed with the intensity of seven red-hot furnaces, and her hands forcefully trembled; torn between her sworn duty to heal and the intense need to strangle Taji. "You insufferable little witch," she shrieked, "How dare you!"

"Oh, was I being callous Shizune? I had no idea you were still touchy about the break up." Her voice took on that tone of utter boredom, reminiscent of Kakashi's, "Guess I'm just surprised to see you're still obsessed with him after all these years."

Much to Taji's amusement, Shizune was slowly coming unhinged, her rising fury unmistakable. "And I see you're still the same supercilious meddling heifer you always were," came Shizune's susurrated retort.

In an instant, the operating room's atmosphere was crackling with electricity, much like the chakra wrapping itself about Taji like a cloak. She made a gesture of welcome toward Shizune and menacingly replied, "Well, if you're feeling froggy, then jump ya little . . ."

"Dammit, that's enough!" Tsunade roared. "I don't give a damn if you beat the crap out of each other, but you're not gonna do it here! You decide, either you both shut the hell up and pay attention to what you're doing, or I'll shut you up!"

A razor-sharp sense of self-preservation compelled Shizune to hold her tongue. _This was neither the time nor the place for another of their silly arguments. Smile while you can Taji; there will come a time when Tsunade's not around to referee._

Taji's unconcealed self-satisfaction contorted her lips in an aberrant smirk; she too had enough sense to keep her mouth shut.

With a final searing look that held the promise of grievous bodily harm, silence blanketed the room. _These two idiots are going to drive me to drink… heavily… and soon!_

As tempestuous chakra flickered around her, and prickly antagonism permeated the air, it wasn't surprising that Tsunade's heart was racing a mile a minute. _What's so different now, and why the hell am I so- sentimental? I've patched this kid up far too many times to let my emotions cloud my judgment, haven't I?_ It was then a single hot tear trickled down her cheek. _Will my best be enough this time?_

Kakashi reveled in yanking Tsunade's very short chain from the time he was old enough to talk. She realized he wasn't doing this purposely at the moment, although it was hard to tell with him. _The years haven't altered that aspect of his personality one whit. _"Troublesome brat," she grumbled, "Even when he's unconscious, he's at the center of confusion."

Granted, he was the source of her near constant migraines, yet he was one of the strongest and most reliable weapons she had at her disposal. _Maybe that's why I put up with him. Nah, he was a great deal more than that_. Twenty odd years ago, she alone attended his birth, her unsure hands delivered him into this world, and her tremulous arms cradled him tenderly, even before his own mother could. With an oath before all that was holy, she vowed that day to watch over and protect him as his godmother. Now it felt as if his life was slipping through her fingers.

_What's the matter with me today? _With a swift mental kick in the pants, she defiantly thought, _the cavernous maws of death will NOT consume him this night_!

_Merciful Kami, I'm starting to sound like Gai._

-000-

Genma had taken off to parts unknown, while Kakashi's team huddled together to plot their next move. Iruka couldn't contain the broad grin of pride when the kids approached this piece of information as if it were an S-ranked mission.

The "brains" of the team offered up, "If Kakashi-sensei's dogs really were in the emergency room, that means he's been injured pretty badly."

"Well duh," Naruto sniped. "Honestly, Iruka-sensei, how am I ever supposed to become Hokage if my sensei is always incarcerated?"

Her fists readied to pummel her clueless teammate, Sakura irritably snapped, "I can't believe how selfish you are Naruto! And by the way, the word you're looking for is 'incapacitated' dumbbell."

"Whatever," Sasuke predictably intoned; "I say we go to the hospital. Let's see if Kakashi is or was there in the first place."

Iruka turned to head home. _I'll leave the investigative work to the kids. Besides, I got a mountain of homework and a pile of dirty laundry threatening to walk itself to the laundromat to deal with tonight._

"Aren't you coming with us Iruka-sensei?" Sasuke's tone implied he expected a "yes" response, but Iruka wanted nothing to do with hospitals and the japery of a crazy jounin.

"Well," he stammered, "I-I have to- that is, I was planning to…"

Hoping he could stall long enough for the kids to forge ahead without him, Iruka weighed his choices carefully. First off, he and Kakashi weren't exactly friends, so the idea of visiting the man in the hospital seemed a tad hypocritical. No other excuses sprang to mind, but there were at least fifteen other places he'd rather be.

Naruto was giving him the stink eye, and if he tried to weasel out of accompanying them now, he'd never hear the end of it. _It's not as if I'm going to visit him on my own, I'll be chaperoning the kids. _

"Yeah, come on Iruka-sensei," Naruto cajoled. "Somebody has to help me keep these troublemakers in line while we wait around to find out what the deal is."

_Says the elite master of 'Rabble-Rouser no jutsu.' _With an aggrieved huff, Iruka reckoned it probably would be a good idea to exercise some adult supervision over the excessively inquisitive Naruto and Sakura and the ever impassive Sasuke. Reluctantly he allowed Naruto to drag him toward the hospital.

_I got a bad feeling about this._

NOTES:

Yukio means: "Gets what he wants."

Yasahiro means: "Peaceful, calm, wise."


	4. Catfights, Confrontations, Confessions 2

Last time…

"Yeah, come on Iruka-sensei," Naruto cajoled. "Somebody has to help me keep these troublemakers in line while we wait around to find out what the deal is."

_Says the elite master of 'Rabble-Rouser no jutsu.'_

With an aggrieved huff, Iruka reckoned it probably would be a good idea to exercise some adult supervision over the excessively inquisitive (Naruto and Sakura) and the ever impassive Sasuke. Reluctantly he allowed Naruto to drag him toward the hospital.

_I got a bad feeling about this._

_-000-_

Having been on her feet for more hours than she cared to count, between fretting over Kakashi and trying to prevent a "cage match" in the operating room, Tsunade was well past the point of emotional and physical exhaustion. The battered brown leather couch in the corner of the doctor's lounge called out to her and she yielded herself to its inviting embrace with an exhausted sigh.

The enticing sound of tinkling porcelain cups, and the aroma of high-grade warm sake filled the air. When Taji's bowed form slowly came into view, Tsunade blearily lifted her head.

"You're not still angry with me are you Tsunade-hime?"

It took great effort, but Tsunade managed to croak out, "I don't know why you feel the need to constantly taunt Shizune."

"Ah, but it's so much fun to watch her hyperventilate."

Tsunade didn't respond she simply reached for the extended sake cup. Gesturing broadly to the cushion beside her she crustily said, "Have a seat brat, and keep the sake coming while I decide just how angry I am."

-000-

The ensuing colorfully redundant conversation between an indomitable Naruto and an equally inflexible charge nurse was highly amusing, and Iruka was secretly tickled he'd stuck around for it. Outwardly, of course, Iruka maintained a look of disapproval, which Naruto completely ignored. Right before he reached out to thump the boy on the head, an upset looking Shizune intervened.

"I couldn't help overhearing your conversation Naruto-kun. I'd have to have been two hundred feet outside the village gates not to hear you." With a reserved little grin she chided, "Iruka-sensei, I'll thank you keep him quiet please or Lady Tsunade will have both our heads. Kakashi-sensei is a patient, but only the Hokage can grant permission for him to receive visitors."

Seeing how disappointed his team was, Shizune lowered her 'official' voice to whisper, "I can't promise you anything, but I'll ask Tsunade-sama if you can have a few minutes with Kakashi-san." She scurried off, presumably to find the Hokage, leaving them to cool their heels in the waiting area.

-000-

Sinking even deeper into the couch, Tsunade indolently stretched her tired muscles, "Look brat," she solemnly said, "You were right about me using him to prove the Leaf Village's strength." Craning her neck awkwardly to look at Taji she listlessly continued, "This mission required skills that he alone possesses, so I did what I felt was best at the time."

"Give me a break old woman…skills? You mean the Sharingan don't you? Or would you have me believe he's the only competent jounin in this village?"

Tsunade refused to give Taji the satisfaction of being correct, opting to dispassionately share, "Kakashi's mission was to gather intelligence, and verify the validity of a rumored coup against the Raikage. Judging from his current state, I'm not sure if the mission was successful."

Taji's grip on the delicate porcelain cup dangerously tightened, "Excuse me for thinking you were more concerned about Kakashi nearly being ripped to shreds. Freaking out about a potential threat in a distant land is infinitely more important than that."

Sarcastic politeness aside, Tsunade was too tired to rise to the bait. Heaving herself from the couch, she anxiously paced the length of the room. "As I was saying, Kakashi was on a highly classified, time-sensitive mission, and…"

The empty sake cup rolled to a stop beside the couch when Taji angrily leaned forward, "Just get to the damn point already! You want me to retrieve that information from him, don't you?" Taji leapt to her feet now, "I can't believe it! Don't you even care that…?"

Tsunade twisted about, her hands shaking with effort not the slam the younger woman through the nearest wall. "Don't you dare accuse me of not caring!" she vehemently spat. "I know you don't give a damn about village politics Taji, but I have to concern myself with all that crap… Godaime Hokage, remember?"

Her temper slowing approaching its boiling point, Tsunade chose her next words carefully. Nevertheless, they cracked and stung like the lash of a studded bullwhip, "Dammit, when will you finally get it through your thick skull Taji? The security of this village and all its citizens has to be my first priority. How ridiculous would it be if I didn't send out ninja trained to defend their country, on the off-chance they might get seriously injured or even killed?"

Stalking over to the opposite corner of the room, she kept her eyes on the ticking time bomb wrapped in the cream-colored kimono. "You little smart-aleck," she hissed, "Just do that 'thing' you do, and see what information you can get from him." Tsunade moved closer, "In case you're unclear, that was an order, not a suggestion!"

Rank and protocol meant diddlysquat to Taji, and if that little passive-aggressive speech was supposed to frighten her, Tsunade was talking to the wrong person. Taji was almost as strong as Tsunade; she was younger and faster, but not foolish enough to instigate a knockdown, drag out fight. She wouldn't back down from one if it came to that however.

This was a familiar dance, its steps known by heart. Tsunade's anger would blow up like a helium balloon, and deflate just as quickly. The trick came in knowing the precise time to speak. Taji listened attentively as Tsunade's breathing evened out before she deadpanned, "Okay, we're both a little crisp around the edges because we're concerned about Kakashi. I'll let your rudeness slide this time, out of respect for your advanced age."

Chuckling uncomfortably, Tsunade grabbed the smaller woman, crushing her to her bosom in a bear hug, "I'm still young enough to put a hurtin' on you brat. You'll do well to remember that." _Thank heaven that's over. The last thing I need to deal with is a tussle with Taji and the subsequent property damage._

She released the slightly cyanotic Taji to flop down on the couch once again. Feigning interest in the discolored tiles over the doorframe, her voice was barely above a whisper, "I've never seen his pack react that way before, and it scared me."

"Yeah, me too," was Taji's unusually soft confession. "When his chakra goes haywire, so does theirs, which makes them behave… well, you saw the frenzy they felt."

Reclaiming her empty overturned sake cup beside the couch, Taji took her place on the adjoining cushion with a sigh, "We all thought we were going to lose him this time. Bisuke told me the pack felt Kakashi's chakra flickering erratically, and at one point, it almost died out. That's when Pakkun saved his sorry butt… again, but don't worry Tsunade, Kakashi's a stubborn son of a…"

Shizune's entrance was rudely abrupt, and mildly annoying. Obviously still ticked off by their last encounter, she haughtily refused to acknowledge Taji's presence. "Sorry to disrupt your rest Tsunade-sama. Kakashi's team is here demanding to see him. Would you mind speaking with them?"

Tsunade waved her off unenthusiastically kvetching, "Yeah, yeah, I'll be there in a minute." _That's all I need, more brats to deal with!_

_-000-_

"Did you hear me Iruka-sensei?" Naruto screeched circling the waiting area for the eighth time, "Kakashi-sensei is in the ICU, and Shizune says we need the Hokage's permission before we can see him."

"We know Naruto," Sasuke growled. "Just sit down and be quiet will ya? You're giving me motion-sickness."

"That's standard hospital protocol," Sakura gently told him, "We're not related to Kakashi-sensei or anything, so we have to get Lady Tsunade's permission before we go wandering around trying to find his room."

Iruka's patience was wearing thin too; the list of chores awaiting him at home was stretching even further in his mind's eye. _That stuff's waited this long_, _I just need to hang around long enough to keep Naruto from doing something rash. _"There's nothing else we can do at the moment," he sighed. "Instead of wearing a deeper groove into the carpet, why don't you sit by me for a while?"

Any other time, Naruto would jump at the chance to have Iruka's undivided attention, but it was clear the boy had other plans.

Walking away from Iruka, he joked, "Nothing personal Iruka-sensei, but you're sorta boring and you're probably gonna try and make me do something boring too, like read a magazine or something," the little imp huffed. A sly grin played about Naruto's lips "Promise not to be angry Iruka-sensei." With his grubby little hands held up in capitulation, Naruto calmly walked toward the scowling Iruka. "I was just…,"he abruptly veered off, galloping toward the nurse's station at a dead run.

_Kakashi-sensei always said the element of surprise was a ninja's best friend… I guess he was right for once! _"Don't try to stop me Iruka-sensei!I'm gonna find the Hokage myself," Naruto yelled, "I'm gonna tell her to her face that all this waiting around jazz is bogus, 'cause if you ask me..."

Without warning, a slender perfectly manicured hand stretched forth, adroitly snagging the fleeing hellion by the collar; that was the last thing Naruto expected. _Surprise indeed. _

"This is my hospital Naruto," Tsunade barked, "If you wish to stay here as a visitor and not a patient, you will abide by my rules."

His momentum and her iron grip on his jacket made the inevitable landing on his butt even awkward, but hilarious nonetheless. At least Iruka made an effort to suppress his laughter; Sakura and Sasuke had no such inhibitions.

"What's taking so long?" Naruto shouted squirming to free himself. "Why won't you let us see Kakashi-sensei?"

"One of the rules in my hospital," Tsunade curtly advised him, "is that visitors shouldn't running screaming down the corridors. It tends to make some of our shinobi patients very nervous. Very nervous shinobi patients tend to be very dangerous shinobi patients."

Iruka's quick thinking and sharp reflexes narrowly prevented a literal run-in with the Hokage and the now stationary Naruto; immediately, he clamped his hand over the boy's gaping mouth. Sasuke and Sakura skidded to a stop hoping to remain unnoticed by the Hokage.

"Ah, Iruka-sensei," she smiled, "I'm not sure how you got roped into this, but I'm holding you personally responsible for Naruto's behavior."

By this time, Naruto had given up the idea of escape choosing to engage in a rather glorious sulk.

"You have my word Tsunade-sama," he respectfully said. "We will _all_ be on our best behavior."

Baring her teeth in an unnatural grin, Tsunade directed her comment specifically to Naruto, "If you can manage to stay quiet for about ten minutes, I'll allow you to visit Kakashi. If you can't, I'll happily toss the lot of you out the nearest window myself. Are we understood everyone?"

"Of course Lady Tsunade," was Iruka's sedate answer. _Well isn't this just the soggy dill pickle on the crud sandwich that is my day? _

Loosening her grasp on Naruto, she stepped over the crumpled orange heap to lead them a short distance from the waiting area. She paused for a minute before a tinted glass door, "Are you sure you still want to see him? I warn you, he's in pretty bad shape."

"Hai, Tsunade-sama," Sasuke and Sakura meekly answered.

"Won't be the first time we've seen him unconscious," blustered Naruto.

Once she pushed the door open, the ridiculously bright light coming from the room temporarily blinded them; loud mechanical beeps and the constant whirring sounds of a ventilator assaulted their eardrums. The obnoxiously overpowering smell of antiseptic burned their throats; but it was the sight of their jounin-sensei lying so still… so peaceful… so defenseless, that snatched audible gasps from their lips. Stunned, Iruka's hand involuntarily flew to his mouth as he rocked back on his heels in disbelief.

As a ninja, he'd spent his share of long nights on this side of a hospital bed. He was intimately acquainted with the self-doubt that unexpectedly welled up in the pit of the stomach; the cloying fear that came when faced with the loss of someone held in esteem. Seeing the fretfulness etched into those solemn little faces pitched Iruka's stomach into his sandals. _Dammit!_ _I can't_ _protect them from things like this; I have to remain strong for their sake. Now isn't the time to mourn a comrade! _

A thin cotton sheet safeguarded Kakashi's dignity, covering him from the waist to just above his knees. Plastic tubing carrying medicines and blood snaked from aluminum poles beside him. Sakura's widened eyes ran along his body, her cheeks stained red with embarrassment and concern. She tried desperately to avert her eyes, but she could not. The boys deflected their eyes for a different reason; Kakashi's body was a messy patchwork of reddened, yellowed, and purpling bruises, angry red lacerations sporting sutured smiles, ghoulishly gaped at them. Had it not been for the shock of wild silver hair, lying against the pillow, and the surgical mask covering the lower half of his face, they all could have happily pretended they were in the wrong room.

Struck dumb with anguish, the kids gathered at Kakashi's bedside, distractedly grasping each other's hands for moral support. Sakura was hunched over a bit gently wiping away tears with her free hand, while Naruto unashamedly snuffled loudly, even stoic Sasuke's eyes and cheeks appeared damp as he stood between them.

Sasuke was the first to turn away and slowly shuffle from the room, Sakura made her exit shortly thereafter. Naruto stubbornly hung back, forcefully clutching Iruka's hand as tears slid down his cheeks. Regardless of how bitterly he'd complained about Kakashi's "training methods" in the past, the fact was Naruto stood in awe of his Kakashi-sensei.

"Tell me the for real truth Iruka-sensei," he quietly asked, "Is he seriously gonna be all right?"

Naruto was too numb to notice the slight tremor of Iruka's hand. With conviction he hardly felt, Iruka told him, "Don't worry so much Naruto. He's in good hands; Tsunade-sama will have him on his feet and running you ragged in no time."

Perhaps Iruka was being presumptuous, but right now, he acutely sensed Naruto's unspoken need for security and comfort because it rivaled his own. Tonight he'd seen the invincible Hatake Kakashi in an entirely different light and it shook him up. Subtly patting down his pockets, Iruka searched for his house keys, as Naruto continued his silent surveillance.

"Would it be okay," Naruto's hesitant voice came, "if I spent the night at your house Iruka-sensei? I really don't feel like walking all the way home tonight."

Iruka kneeled down and hugged Naruto tightly. Wrapped in the non-judgmental arms of the man considered his only family, the boy cried freely. _Ninja aren't supposed to cry, but I can't help it! _

It wasn't long before Naruto steeled himself mumbling a soft, "Thanks."

"Here," Iruka held out a handkerchief and his keys. "I'm going to speak with the Hokage for a few minutes, you go on ahead. Leftovers are in the fridge, and for Kami's sake, don't forget to take a bath before you go to bed. You're a little ripe."

"Geez, sensei," Naruto griped as he snatched the dangling keys, "You're embarrassing me." With a mock glare in Tsunade's direction, he hugged Iruka again. "Thanks Iruka-sensei, see ya later." Before leaving, his head held down, he murmured in the Hokage's direction, "Hurry up and make him okay Grandma Tsunade."

Tsunade wiped away a tear with the back of her hand and gingerly patted Iruka's shoulder, "I'll let you have five minutes more Iruka-sensei, but then you have to go," she whispered.

When the latch clicked softly closed, Iruka was alone with the man he'd once considered the bane of his existence. He'd thought about it before, but truly, this was the last place he wanted to be tonight. His eyes unapologetically raked over the wraith-like being before him. The legendary Kakashi of the Sharingan, the swiftly proficient killing machine of the Leaf Village had vacated the premises, in his place remained a broken, battered man. This man, tethered to persistently blinking, beeping machinery was no longer his nemesis; he was just… a man… a man struggling to survive.

Mesmerized by the steady slow rise and fall of Kakashi's bandaged chest, Iruka's double-crossing memory chose that moment to replay every episode of the acrimony between them; hanging his head, he blinked away stinging unshed tears of shame.

In retrospect, they'd frequently clashed over the most asinine things; he could see that clearly now. In spite of that, Iruka maintained an abiding respect for the gallingly querulous jounin because of his unswerving loyalty to the village, and more importantly, for the way he treated Naruto with equity. Though he'd never admit it even under the pain of torture, Iruka secretly looked forward to his recurrent confrontations with Kakashi; his intelligence, and unusual sense of humor always broke up the monotony of his mission room duties.

Seizing what might be his last opportunity to atone for past actions, Iruka deeply bowed himself to stumble through an apology. The last words of a prayer his father taught him tumbled from his lips, and he straightened stiffly.

"Are you a friend of Kakashi's?" a reticent voice behind him queried.

Extremely embarrassed he'd failed to detect the presence earlier, Iruka swiftly turned to identify the speaker. The person who emerged from the shadows was tall, thin, sinewy, and decidedly feminine; obviously, she was a civilian from one of the noble clans he'd never encountered.

Her sleek auburn hair fastidiously swept into an elaborate chignon at the base of her neck; severely blunt cut bangs framed delicate features. As she drew closer, the soft aroma of patchouli wafted past him, inspiring unbidden memories of his mother. Piercing hazel eyes sparkled with perspicacity and compassion, yet her chakra roiled with undeniable power. Her precisely pressed, cream-colored clothing accentuated smooth caramel skin, but it was the unusual komon she wore that intrigued and confounded Iruka the most. He'd spent years teaching the next generations of shinobi, which gave him a familiarity of just about every clan symbol in the village; for the life of him, he didn't recognize these.

_Surely, this person was __not __from the Leaf Village… was she… an enemy come to exact revenge on Kakashi?_

TBC…

NOTE:

Komon are embroidered clan symbol(s).


	5. Fairytales, Family Lineage, Fire? Pt1

_Last time…_

"Are you a friend of Kakashi's?" a reticent voice behind him queried.

Extremely embarrassed he'd failed to detect the presence earlier, Iruka swiftly turned to identify the speaker. The person who emerged from the shadows was tall, thin, sinewy, and decidedly feminine; obviously, she was a civilian from one of the noble clans he'd never encountered.

Her sleek auburn hair fastidiously swept into an elaborate chignon at the base of her neck; severely blunt cut bangs framed delicate features. As she came closer, the soft aroma of patchouli wafted past him, the scent brought unbidden memories of his mother to the fore. Her piercing hazel eyes sparkled with perspicacity and compassion, but her chakra roiled with undeniable power. Her precisely pressed cream-colored kimono accentuated smooth caramel skin. The unusual komon she wore intrigued and confounded Iruka the most. He'd spent years teaching the next generations of shinobi, which gave him a familiarity of just about every clan symbol in the village; for the life of him, he didn't recognize these.

_Surely, this person was __not __from the Leaf Village… was she… an enemy come to exact revenge on Kakashi?_

Discounting his own safety, Iruka palmed a kunai, dropping into a defensive stance. Protectively positioning himself between this interloper and the unconscious jounin, he sneered, "Who the hell are you?"

The woman came a few steps closer and bowed, "I did not mean to startle you shinobi-san, please forgive me for being impolite. Her voiced lilted melodically, her tone was conciliatory, "Please allow me to introduce myself, I am Hatake Taji, and I am…"

Iruka quickly glanced between the woman and Kakashi; _what the hell is going here? Does she seriously think I'm stupid enough to believe she's his wife?_ _Wait, she's still talking…_.

The quizzical look on her face matched his, "Surely you knew I wasn't the only one, didn't you?"

_This is too much, I knew the man was a pervert, but don't tell me he has his own harem?_ Iruka's vision blurred, his stomach was doing backflips, and his thoughts were spiraling. _What's the worst that could happen if she's telling the truth?_ _I'll apologize profusely and that should cover the situation._ _However, what exactly does one say after threatening a comrade's wife? _

Taji's brow creased with trepidation, "You look panic-stricken shinobi-san. Shall I call for a nurse?"

On the other hand, if she were lying, he'd be within his rights to protect a comrade. _ I can't sense any deception in her demeanor or speech pattern, but something's not right here. She looks like a civilian, yet she moves with the stealth of a ninja. _Iruka's gut told him to prepare for the worst so he made no overt moves to sheath his weapon. An attempt to question her further rudely derailed when a substantial blur of green shot past him, catapulting itself toward Kakashi's bedside.

Blinking in astonished silence, both Taji and Iruka stood entranced as the bulky figure transformed before abruptly depositing itself onto the floor.

There, kneeling beside Kakashi's bed, the broad expanse of Maito Gai's back powerfully shook as he wept profusely, "My Eternal Rival! I Have Taken A Vow Upon My Most Youthful Rectitude, To Remain By Your Side Until Your Virtuous Strength Returns, And We Exact Revenge Upon Those Responsible… "

Taji stepped forward to interrupt his soliloquy sweetly, "Gai…if Kakashi were conscious, I'm certain he'd be impressed with your manly display of anguish. As she gently rubbed his shoulder, he seemed to relax somewhat; "I'm here now and he's going to be all right."

"Dearest Taji," he bawled lifting tear-filled eyes toward her, "My Heart Is Uplifted Knowing That Kakashi's Most Cherished One Has Returned to Take Her Rightful Place in His Desperate Hour of Need!"

Watching the scarily sickening scene unfold, Iruka slipped his kunai into its holster. _At least I know she's not an enemy, but who on tarnation is she?_

An annoyed Tsunade suddenly burst into the cramped room loudly whispering, "Put a lid on it Gai, I can hear your manly tears from down the hall!"

The tears still flowed freely, although Gai valiantly endeavored to maintain a modicum of composure. "Most Honored Hokage," he entreated, "When I Learned My Noble Rival Sustained Grievous Injuries While Protecting Our Fair Village…"

Roughly hefting him from the floor she snapped, "The only thing your 'Noble Rival' needs now is rest, which he won't get with all this caterwauling going on."

"But . . . But," he resolutely stammered.

Tsunade gripped him by the shoulders, carefully modulating her voice to calm the overly emotional man, "I'm doing everything I can to get Kakashi back on his feet, but I really need your help." She knew Gai would do anything that wasn't illegal, immoral, or fattening to assist his rival/friend, so she gave it her best shot. "This is what I need you to do Gai…"

His eyes wide and alert, his fists clenched in anxious readiness.

"Stop your blubbering and be quiet. Can you do that for your Rival's sake?"

Crestfallen he mumbled, "As you wish Lady Tsunade." With his left hand over his heart and his right arm dramatically pointing to the heavens, Gai loudly proclaimed, "I shall be as noiseless as a mouse's footsteps on cotton wool, as soundless as an owl's wings as he advances on his prey..."

"Whatever just get it done Gai." Turning her back on the muted man, Tsunade pressed the back of her hand to Iruka's clammy forehead. _This kid looks like he needs either a cool_ _compress or …a garbage can._ "Are you feeling well Iruka-sensei? You look green about the gills."

Given the rapidly unfolding events of the evening, Iruka murmured something that sounded like, "I'm…umm…fine, Lady Tsunade. It's just been an extremely long day."

"Very well Iruka, your five minutes are up. Gai, get over yourself; you can come back to visit Kakashi tomorrow. Now, the both of you get the hell out of my hospital."

She deliberately made a show of opening Kakashi's chart to keep a straight face as the two shinobi dashed from the room. _One more nuisance to deal with and I can go home. _"I know you won't go home and rest Taji, so at least conserve your chakra. I will not subject my staff to further trauma having you _and_ Kakashi as patients."

Taji bowed her head, "You're too kind Tsunade-hime." As soon as Tsunade exited, Taji stationed herself next to Kakashi's bedside, lowering the guardrail to stand closer to him. Her fingers idly ran through untamed silver strands, soft lips tenderly kissed his forehead.

"I'm counting the minutes until you regain your strength," she whispered. "So I can kick your scrawny butt all over Fire Country for scaring everybody out of their wits!"

-000-

The brisk night air slapped Iruka across the face like a jilted lover; damn, he needed that. All the things he'd heard, seen, and done tonight had left him in a state of dangerous distraction. Hell, he'd almost forgotten Gai was walking beside him until a meaty hand painfully clasped his shoulder.

"You look troubled, Iruka-sensei, which is most unyouthful. Is there anything I, the Sublime Green Beast of Prey can do to alleviate your worries?"

Iruka had never been this close to Gai before; his quiet concern was unnerving. The quiet part scared him the most. _With his self-proclaimed Rival badly injured, would Gai flip out too? Worse, will he challenge me to some ridiculous feat of stupidity?_ It was a damn good thing he'd paid attention during that seminar about dealing with unstable jounin; he avoided eye contact and made sure to speak calmly, politely, and clearly.

"Actually Gai-san, I am a bit puzzled. Nobody knows Kakashi-sensei as well as you, so I wonder if you could help me understand a few things that happened tonight?"

Gai's virile chest expanded with pride when he stopped dead in his tracks; mammoth eyebrows knit together tightly, as he focused all his attention on the young sensei. "I Am Deeply Honored To Be Of Assistance To An Esteemed Colleague. You May Speak Freely My Friend."

Clearing his throat nervously Iruka confessed with a dry laugh, "You see… well, uh... it's about Taji-san…"

"Ah, say no more Iruka-sensei!" Gai said with a conspiratorial wink. "So, you have succumbed to her charms already have you?"

Iruka could feel the blush rising toward his widened eyes, "No, no, Gai-san," he feverishly protested, "It's not like that!"

Apparently, his objections went unheard, because Gai's eyes glazed over as if recalling a fond memory. "Many years ago she captured my heart as well," he sighed theatrically. "Alas, Iruka-sensei, she is a married woman and decorum demands that she cannot return your affections."

One impressive eye roll and a shallow breath later, Iruka tried again to correct Gai's erroneous suppositions, "I am well aware of her marital status Gai-san, but I… I mean, Kakashi's team was curious about her relationship to him. You see, they were worried that…"

The streetlight reflecting off Gai's pearly whites momentarily blinded him. Shielding his eyes he heard Gai declare, "Kakashi and Taji have been as one since infancy, truly a match hand-crafted by Kami-sama himself. Their teamwork on the battlefield brings a tear to one's eyes and she…"

Surely, he'd misunderstood. Iruka's eyes widened slightly as he leaned closer, "Wait, are you telling me this woman _is _a shinobi?"

Gai choked back a robust laugh, "Well yes, she isn't and… no, she is… sort of."

Iruka knew damn well he shouldn't have bothered asking, conversations with Gai always veered left toward the peculiar and very loud. No doubt, he'd wind up with either a tinnitus-induced migraine or a severe case of perplexity.

Once more Gai's outrageously muscular hand attached itself to Iruka's shoulder as he boomed, "Kakashi and Taji are as yin and yang, joined together in a bond older and stronger than the Hokage Monument itself." All of a sudden Gai was standing directly in Iruka's path, his visage darkened slightly, his voice low, "Tread carefully Iruka-sensei, Taji-san is as dangerous as she is lovely."

By this point, Iruka had become increasingly irritated, thoroughly confused, and decidedly offended. _Don't tell me he thinks I'm trying to date a married woman!_

Gai… bless his heart, wasn't the nitwit most people thought him to be, for when he sensed Iruka's oncoming dressing-down he quickly added, "Allow me to explain something Iruka-sensei, you see Taji-san is actually Kakashi's…"

Suddenly, an anguished shout in the distance drew Iruka's attention from the posturing Gai.

"Iruka-sensei," Naruto shrieked, "Hey Iruka-sensei! I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to… it was an accident." Naruto closed the gap between himself and Iruka faster than a bullet train at rush hour. Skidding to a dust strewn halt beside Iruka he breathlessly yelled, "I'm really sorry Iruka-sensei, but…I think I set your house on fire!"

Racing toward Iruka's apartment, the three of them farcically squeezed through the narrow portal. Accosted by the acrid scent of burning fabric, they choked back their tears, swiftly making their way to the origin of the slowly billowing smoke. Iruka was relieved, Gai was amused, and Naruto awkwardly curious when they discovered an old potholder and two grease soaked dishtowels merrily blazing away in the sink.

With one hand, Iruka delivered a vigorous smack to the back of Naruto's head, while opening the spigot to douse the small inferno with the other. Naruto stood spellbound, clutching his head as the soggy charred remains slowly smoldered. "Well, I could have done that Iruka-sensei," he volunteered.

Iruka's immediate response was another sharp smack, this time to Naruto's bottom. "Go take bath…NOW!"

Naruto didn't remember much from his Academy days, except that tone of voice. It meant he'd better get away from the angry Iruka-sensei quickly or else his bottom would soon be blazing like those old rags in the sink. He was gone in a flash.

With a few caveman grunts and numerous imaginative curse words later, Iruka conceded defeat to the ancient window above the sink. "This should only take a few minutes more Gai-san," he called over his shoulder. "Please, have a seat and I'll put on some tea so we can continue our conversation."

The next thing Iruka felt was a brick wall firmly pressing against his back. In reality, it was Gai's chest; his arms reaching over Iruka's head to effortlessly raise the rebellious casement.

Within seconds, Gai removed himself and stood posing near the entryway of the kitchen. "You Are Indeed Most Gracious Iruka-San, But I Must Bid You Farewell." Gai turned to march toward the living room, saying, "My Most Esteemed Rival Would Be Bitterly Disappointed If Mine Is Not The First Face He Sees When He Regains Consciousness." With a cheery wave, he called out, "May Your Zest for Life Be Reignited by Restful Slumber Iruka-sensei."

"Well, can you beat that?" Iruka grumpily muttered. _The one time I was willing to let him speechify me to death, Konoha's Magnificent Green Beast opts for beauty rest_.

Torn between ardent curiosity and appalling fatigue, he watched his only source of information stroll toward the exit. Just in time, his good judgment urged him to put off his questions for a more opportune occasion. Without another word, Iruka numbly moved to close the door behind Gai. After one of the craziest days in recent memory, Iruka was convinced he'd need something stronger than tea to help him put it behind him that was for damn sure.

Naruto's hair was still dripping when he breezed into the kitchen to find his favorite sensei slumped in his seat, mumbling aloud, and furiously rubbing his temples. Since he wasn't sure whether Iruka was going to scold him again or send him to bed without supper, Naruto figured he might as well try to get Iruka to laugh.

"You know…there's scientific proof that talking with Bushier-Brow-sensei can melt your brain; at least that's what Kakashi-sensei always says."

Iruka's lips parted in a maniacal grin and he threw his head back, laughing uproariously until his stomach cramped and his eyes watered.

"Are you having one of those 'psychotic' mishaps again Iruka-sensei? 'Cause it wasn't that funny."

Considering he'd actively pursued dialogue with Gai, watched some of his kitchen accoutrements go up in flames, and pulled a kunai on an insanely powerful woman, all he could say was, "It's been a heck of a day Naruto."

Yeah, crazed laughter at his kitchen table was a much better alternative than getting himself fitted with a chakra infused straitjacket in Ibiki's office.

-000-

If anyone ever asked, Tsunade would proudly boast that her medics were without equal throughout the Five Shinobi Lands, and she'd slap you silly if you dared disagree. However, that did not mean she would willingly entrust Kakashi's care to anyone other than herself.

Sitting up in her rumpled bed, she briefly considered sending a messenger hawk to the Nara compound with a request for a stat update. _Being meticulous is a virtue, but this is just ludicrous. _"Maybe it's a good omen," she told Ton-Ton, but he shook his head sadly.

Hoisting herself from the bed with a grunt, she patted the little pig's head and reached for her lab coat. "Looks like I'm going have to pull an all-nighter analyzing this thing myself." Ton-Ton nodded somberly.

Like an intrepid bill collector, the fear that the Nara's report wouldn't be good, gnawed at her as she smartly strode along the quiet hallway.

Seven scrupulously clean and properly attired canines eyed her curiously when she entered Kakashi's room, as a snoozing Pakkun lay curled by Kakashi's hip. She wasn't surprised to see them protectively encircling the bed, probably to deter another visit from Gai, but the anxious look on Taji's face as she hovered nearby, was rather interesting. "This is a hospital Taji," she sneered, "Not a kennel."

"Really, Tsunade-hime," she sounded somewhat put out, "even I know kennels are for are for one's pets." "These fuzz balls are Konoha shinobi and Kakashi's family."

Mildly annoyed at being referred to as 'fuzz balls', most of the ninken woofed out their disapproval; Bull of course, just bumped her leg with his huge head.

Scritching the fur around his spiked collar Taji giggled, "Oh come on, you know I'm teasing. Anyway, correct me if I'm mistaken Tsunade, but don't hospital rules allow family members to remain en suite when a patient is critically injured?"

Tsunade was not impressed. _So that's why Pakkun didn't disappear when he was injured. Must have linked his chakra reserves to Kakashi to keep him breathing, and therefore he's stuck on this plane. Hmm . . . like master, like hound. _

"You don't want to push me right now Taji-_chan,"_ she retorted, "Or I promise you won't enjoy the push back."

Taji laughed off the diminutive and stood her ground, hands loosely held behind her back.

"Now, step aside," she gruffly informed the obstinate little firebrand, "I need to examine my patient." Tsunade preemptively inserted her stethoscope's ear tips, hoping Kakashi's steady heartbeat would drown out any other snarky remarks, as well as her own rapidly churning thoughts. _Good, his heart rate is within normal limits, his lungs are clear and functioning properly. _ _No sign of infection in his abdomen and minimal swelling in the right leg, but that was to be expected. _

Ten minutes later, Tsunade finally allowed herself a drawn smile; his vital signs continued to improve, he was no longer deathly pale, and from the looks of things, Taji had made good her promise to give him a decent haircut as well.

"He's been off the ventilator for over an hour and I think we can start weaning him off the pain medication shortly," she announced to a comfortably smug looking Taji, "I want to get another blood sample to study, just to be sure since I haven't heard anything from the Nara yet." A gentle stroke of her fingers along his wrist brought forth a softly spoken admission, "I promised his parents I'd watch over him, and I've tried so hard to keep my word. Last night, I was terrified that I was watching him slip away from me."

"Don't you dare get melodramatic on me old woman. This knucklehead will recover, if for no other reason than to laugh at us for fussing about him." Standing apace Tsunade she retrieved something from a hidden pocket, "Here, this might cheer you up a little." Lobbing an ornate scroll at Tsunade she said, "Turns out there were a few malcontents in the Raikage's administration after all; fortunately Kakashi eliminated some of them before their plans could be carried out."

Tsunade pitilessly ripped apart the seal voraciously scanning the scroll's contents. Satisfied, she dexterously turned the scroll over in her hands, before slipping it into her own pocket.

"Thanks Taji," she whispered, "One of these days you've got to teach me how you do that."

"Not gonna happen - ancient family secret," Taji impishly grinned. Stooping down to scratch Akino's ears, and trying desperately to sound nonchalant, she wondered aloud, "You got your information so perhaps you'd be willing to share some information with me? What can you tell me about the young man who was here earlier; brown eyes and hair, scar across his nose, feisty little fella?"

_I'll probably regret this later and so will he. _ "That was Umino Iruka, one of our finest Academy instructors." With eyebrows arched perilously high Tsunade challenged, "Why, what are you up to Taji?"

TBC…


	6. Fairytales, Family Lineage, Fire? Pt2

In this chapter, _we discover that neither Kakashi nor Iruka are morning people. Taji reveals herself to Iruka, and no, I don't mean it like that._

_Last time…_

Tsunade pitilessly ripped apart the scroll's seal and voraciously scanned the contents. Pleased with the information, she dexterously turned the scroll over in her hands, before slipping it into her own pocket. "Thanks Taji," she whispered, "One of these days you've got to teach me how you do that."

"Not gonna happen - ancient family secret," Taji impishly grinned. Stooping down to scratch Akino's ears, and trying desperately to sound nonchalant, she chuckled, "You got the information you wanted. Perhaps you'd be willing to share some information with me. What can you tell me about the young man who was here earlier… brown eyes and hair, scar across his nose and kinda feisty?"

_I'll probably regret this later and so will he. _ "That was Umino Iruka, one of our finest Academy instructors." With eyebrows arched perilously high Tsunade challenged, "Why, what are you up to Taji?"

-000-

It was well after midnight before his apartment was aired out and Naruto was settled in and snoring loudly. Regrettably, sleep would not welcome Iruka into its billowy arms despite Gai's well wishes.

Iruka hated nights like these, he was too tired to sleep, and too distracted to do anything productive. His mind persistently churned out snippets of the weird situations and conversations he'd been privy to earlier in the day; _joined in a bond older and stronger than the Hokage monument . . . powerful chakra, unfamiliar clan symbols . . . _

Countless hours of tossing and turning later, Iruka had managed to convince himself that ANBU was coming to arrest him any minute now for threatening a civilian; not just any civilian, mind you, but one of Hatake Kakashi's wives.

_Get a grip Umino, you're being irrational, it was an honest mistake._

Surveying the tangled wreckage of his bedding, he gasped for breath when it occurred to him that if ANBU didn't get him first; Kakashi would probably throttle him in some back alley or run him through with a chidori.

Sweating copiously, he slowly unwrapped himself from the cocoon of linens hell bent on confining him to his bed. "Well isn't that just ducky," he groaned, as the subtle tendrils of dawn's first light caressed his puffy eyelids in contemptuous mockery.

Freed at last, he staggered blindly toward the kitchen and his best friend in the world, his trusty coffeemaker. First things first you know. _Might as well see what I can scrape together for breakfast while I'm in here._

A tentative, persistent knocking at his front door stirred him from his sleep-deprived reflections. _Who the hell is that this time of morning? _Stumbling toward the noise, he was across the living room in six strides. He viciously yanked the door open, and prepared for the verbal evisceration of the unfortunate imbecile that dared disturb him.

"Umino-san?" the familiar voice asked.

He was instantly alert and utterly stupefied when he recognized the person standing on his threshold, "Have you come to kill me in my own home?"

"Maybe next time Umino-san" Taji timidly laughed. "I come in peace to apologize for our frightful first meeting, and to clarify a few things. May I come in?"

Cursing his thrice-damned ingrained politeness, which happily overrode his uncertainty, he stepped aside to grant access. "Please, come in and make yourself comfortable in the kitchen," he heard himself say. "I was just making coffee, so I hope you'll join me."

The chilly air that entered with his guest made him painfully aware of two things. One, he'd forgotten to put on his slippers, and two, he was practically undressed. Although his rattily comfortable navy sleep pants and stretched out orange undershirt were fine for hanging out with Naruto, he certainly wasn't dressed to entertain company of her station. " I'll be right back," he quietly said before dashing off to the bedroom to snag his bathrobe.

_How inconsiderate! Why would anyone in their right mind come for a visit at o'dark thirty?_ As he wrestled with his robe, he was having an even harder time trying to figure out why she'd bothered to track him down in the first place; there was no need for clarification. _She was Kakashi's wife dammit, how much clearer did she need to be?_

He paid no attention to the noise of fabric ripping asunder when his uncooperative sleeve eluded him for the third time, he merely willed himself to relax. _I'll just hear her out and escort her out. This shouldn't take too long. _

Catching a glimpse of himself in the dresser's mirror, he took in the dark circles under his eyes, the severe bed head, and the scratchy stubble on his cheeks. _Great, I look like death warmed over… twice… serves her right for showing up unannounced._ He ran his fingers through his hair, securing it loosely at the nape of his neck. _I'll just get her to state her business quickly and get the hell outta here before Naruto wakes up. Who knows what the boy might blurt out if he sees a strange woman in my house at dawn?_

He arrived in the kitchen to find Taji had made herself quite at home; she'd even found and set out the cream and sugar.

Under normal circumstances, Iruka was the consummate host. He was comfortable in his ability to entertain a guest and smoothly proficient within the confines of his own kitchen. Sadly, he was neither of these things at the moment. His nerves shot to hell from a lack of sleep, the simple task of preparing coffee seemed to require more skill than he possessed.

"Tell me Umino-san," he heard her say over the cacophony of crashing cups and clattering utensils. "What do you know of Kekkaishi?"

He was too flustered to face her so he halfheartedly snorted, "I'm not usually this ham-fisted, and please, call me Iruka."

Shakily setting a steaming mug before her, he carefully took his seat, "What little I know of Kekkaishi comes from bedtime stories I heard as a child. Products of folklore probably, you know, made up stories parents told children to make them behave. Rumor has it they were some of the most powerful ability users in existence; 'barrier masters' or something like that."

"The rumors are true Iruka, "she said with a sly grin. "Kekkaishi are indeed powerful casters, but they aren't fictional characters."

A brittle silence hunkered down between them as they sipped their coffee. _What is it_ _about this woman that vexes me so?_ She was a walking contradiction, of that he was certain. On the surface, she looked like any other noblewoman, yet he was acutely aware of the malignant intent beneath the surface as if she'd genially decapitate you while scolding you for getting her kimono bloody.

_Maybe I'm just overtired and under-caffeinated_. Without really meaning to, his eyes focused hypnotically on the strange symbols of her clothing. "Those are pretty fascinating," he mumbled into his mug.

"You know Iruka," Taji sniggered, "A proper gentlemen usually buys a lady dinner first before he begins lecherously ogling her bosom."

If it were possible, you could have fried an egg on his flaming cheeks as his face contorted in mortified exasperation. "Oh, I wasn't looking at your breasts, umm, bosom that is I…they're not…" he helplessly floundered. " No, that's not right . . . ," waggling his fingers toward her upper torso, "I mean they're hardly noticeable… wait, no, I didn't mean it like that."

Taji's raucous laughter scampered past his ears, which made him futz about more so. Another thing that made him uneasy around her, like Kakashi-sensei, she spoke with candor, and talked in circles. She also possessed a similar delight in raising his blood pressure. _No wonder Sakura thinks they're suited for each other._

"I like you Iruka, you're kinda cute when discombobulated," she teased, "I know my komon is far more interesting to you than my 'hardly noticeable bosom'". Stretching her arms wide and gesturing with her head, she affably said, "The komon on my right is that of the Hatake clan, whereas this one above my heart is that of the Sumimura clan."

"Thanks for clearing that up for me Taji-san" was his surly reply," but I'm sure you didn't come here to discuss fairytales and family lineage at this ungodly hour, so how may I be of assistance to you?"

"I am a Kekkaishi Iruka," Taji abruptly stated.

Iruka almost choked on his coffee, "What?" he spluttered, immediately wiping the burning liquid from his chin. "A Kekkaishi… are you serious?"

_I knew she wasn't an average civilian! _"Now I understand why your aura is somewhat oppressive," he said triumphantly, "And why Naruto is always so uncomfortable in your presence."

"Naruto, that's the loud blonde kid, right? Iruka looked offended on Naruto's behalf. "You're partially correct on both counts, Iruka. Naruto experiences Kyuubi's unease, which explains the discomfort in my presence. Kekkaishi are more than powerful ability users Iruka, we're ayakashi exterminators."

Iruka's chair hit the floor with a loud bang. He was standing beside the sink, with a butcher's knife in hand before he realized what he was doing. "I won't let you or anybody else hurt him and I'm willing to die to protect him."

"Please Iruka, put that thing away, and sit down. I have no intention of harming Naruto," she soothed. "Kyuubi knows what I am and it's none too pleased. The 'oppressive aura' you're feeling is the Nine-Tails feeble attempt to discern my intentions."

Iruka wasn't sure what to think. He was extremely grateful that she intended no harm to Naruto, yet scared to death that Kyuubi might go on a rampage if she stayed any longer. The knife clanked against the aluminum sink and Iruka guardedly righted his chair. _I still don't trust her._

She clapped her hands and said brightly, "Well, let's get this reintroduction over with shall we? I am Hatake Taji; _the_ kekkaishi of the branch Hatake clan."

_Say what now? _Iruka was certain that the 'Hatake clan' consisted of only two people… well, one now since Sakumo's death. Either Taji was testing him, or she was making a sick joke. _Why do all the crazy people come to my house? _

Iruka excused himself to grab another cup of coffee. _"_Okay, let me get this straight," he carped, "You're telling me there's a main Hatake clan, like the Hyuga clan?"

"Yes Iruka, there is," she answered as if he should have known that. "We're significantly less brutal and certainly more attractive than the Hyuga."

Try as he might, he couldn't quash a quiet laugh. _The Hyuga weren't unattractive per se, just… oddly striking. _"All right then," he smiled reclaiming his seat, "if your name is Hatake, why then are you wearing a Sumimura clan symbol too? Which one is your family name?"

Taji leaned back and folded her hands in her lap, sighing, "It's a very long and extremely convoluted story Iruka. The simplest explanation is that I have a compound family name it's Sumimura- Hatake. I am a Sumimura first. Fate, in its infinite wisdom determined I was to be born into the Hatake clan, so my legal surname is Hatake." The look of confusion on Iruka's face elicited a laugh, "Perhaps some other time we can discuss 'fairytales and family lineage' at length.

_That didn't really answer my question, but I'll roll with it for now. _

His previously sluggish mind unexpectedly kick-started a cascade of uncluttered connections, "Oh snap," he moaned, "I'm afraid I jumped to a few 'collusions,' as Naruto would say. I thought you were… well, never mind what I thought."

Taking a sip of the obnoxiously strong coffee, she off-handedly remarked, "I knew you misunderstood me in the hospital when you looked as if you'd seen a ghost. The _others _I referred to last night are members of my extended family… other clan kekkaishi. I assumed you knew we still existed."

Iruka pulled an insulted face, "Of course I knew Kekkaishi still existed. I've just never actually met one before."

With a soft chuckle, Taji informed him that he had indeed been closely involved with a member of her clan; in fact, Iruka had been the girl's very first crush. She could almost hear the wheels turning in Iruka's mind as he tried to remember who this person was. She let him squirm in his seat for a bit before she let him off the hook, "My niece, Sumimura Sayuri is the young lady in question, she was in one of your pre-genin classes about two years ago."

Iruka's cheeks flamed brightly as he mumbled, "Oh, that's right, I mean, umm . . . she was a brilliant student. I thought she'd be an excellent kunoichi but I never understood why her parents didn't let her graduate with her class. After a while I just assumed her family moved away because I haven't seen her around the village since then."

"Her time at the Academy had come to an end Iruka," came her droll reply, "She and her family still reside in the village, but it was time for her to assume her primary duties."

Angered that any parent would deprive their child of quality education and social interaction, his voice rose slightly, "Primary duties? "What type of duties would take a child out of school at the age of ten?"

Surprised by his minor flare of anger, Taji mollified the agitated man, "Take it easy Iruka-_sensei_. Sayuri's primary duties are nocturnal by necessity; she gets her rest during the day and trains in the afternoon, that's why you haven't seen her around much."

_All right, this conversation is going nowhere fast. _"At the risk of sounding rude," he ground out, "What type of 'work' could a ten year old possibly be doing after dark?" _Where did I put that pamphlet from Child Protective Services?_

"Look Iruka," she spoke as gently as she dared, "Ayakashi are creatures who favor the cover of darkness. Those who hunt them must also be creatures of the night. That's our lot in life."

Iruka's eyes were beginning to glaze over and it was difficult to decide which emotion had the upper hand, anger, exhaustion, or good old-fashioned curiosity.

Taji quietly persevered, "Surely you know of all people should know that civilian children who possess any aptitude are permitted to learn shinobi skills." Iruka nodded in acknowledgement and signaled for her to continue. "In the eyes of the village, all Kekkaishi are considered civilians, however, unlike ordinary civilians we are prohibited by law from becoming shinobi."

That didn't make any sense; what_ made these Kekkaishi people exempt from rendering service to the village if they had the ability to do so?_ "'I'm afraid I'm not following Taji-san," he peevishly responded. "Why can't they become shinobi?"

"Quite simply, our skills are far too valuable to squander fighting against enemies that can be seen."

_How dare she insult the ninja of this village! _Iruka didn't give a damn what she was, he wasn't going to let this slide. "Listen here Taji-san, I don't take kindly to . . . "

"You are familiar with the Forest of Death and the creatures which inhabit it, am I correct?" Even though his temper was rearing up a notch, Iruka's exasperated look let her know it was fine to continue. "That area sits on land which overflows with spiritual energy. W hen a creature in the forest dies naturally or an overzealous shinobi ends its life, it becomes one with that energy, and it will transform into an ayakashi, bent either on revenge or on mischievous mayhem.

"I've been in the Forest of Death several times, and I've never seen an ayakashi."

"There's a good reason for that Iruka. Ayakashi are spirit beings and 'normal people can't detect them. Even those gifted with the Byakugan or Sharingan can't see them. Kekkaishi have been genetically blessed or cursed to sense their presence and we're the only ones inherently equipped to destroy them. A blood oath binds us to the patrol of the Forest of Death. Our mission is straightforward, identify, isolate, and eliminate any threats to Konoha's citizenry; that obligation begins once a Kekkaishi reaches the ripe old age of ten years.

Iruka was apparently experiencing another synaptic meltdown, because he couldn't scrape together the words to respond. Finally, he muttered a very eloquent, "Oh."

"I'm afraid I've overwhelmed you enough for one day Iruka-san. Thank you again for your hospitality." Rising gracefully, Taji offered her hand to Iruka, "I must be going."

With all the information she'd provided, Iruka's mind was sprinting to keep up, but he did manage an awkward, "Of course, you've got to check on Hatake-san, I mean Kakashi-san."

She barely contained her amusement at his stiff formality, "Well, yes, that too, but Kyuubi's agitation is increasing, so I should leave before things get ugly. We will speak again Iruka, after all I believe you owe me dinner," she said with a wink.

"You've got a deal," Iruka cheerfully told her as he rose to escort her to the door. "I'd really like to learn more about your people, if you wouldn't mind teaching me. With a self-deprecating chuckle, he said, "I'm sure if I could incorporate some of that information into my history lectures, I wouldn't have nearly as many students falling asleep in class."

Iruka let loose a thunderous yawn rapidly followed by an energizing stretch, "Sorry… I guess the lack of sleep finally caught up with me."

"Before I go, I'm going to assign the teacher a bit of homework. Think you're up for the challenge sensei?"

Iruka looked skeptical, "Depends...what have you got in mind Taji-san?"

"First, I'm appalled that one of the best educators in Konoha is disturbingly ignorant of his village's history. Here's the deal, use your access to the archives and do a little research on the history of my people in the land of Fire. There will be a test."

This was a challenge he couldn't resist, for Iruka loved nothing better than solving a mystery, especially if it involved rummaging through the village's archives. "With all due respect Taji-san, you're insane."

"Since you've pulled a knife on me twice in less than three hours, one could say you're the one who's nuts. Ah well, insanity is a close relative of genius you know. No need to walk me out Iruka," she laughed before transporting away.

-000-

Carefully assessing his physical state, Kakashi stirred briefly. His left arm moving faster than the eye could track, his left hand clenched about the throat of the unsuspecting person beside him. Although his voice was rough, and his body burned with fever, he hoarsely whispered, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The medic stifled his urge to flee, knowing it would unleash the killing instinct of the flummoxed jounin. "I'm adjusting your intravenous drip Hatake-san. You were seriously wounded on your last mission but you're safe now and in the Konoha hospital."

_I have to get out of here and deliver this information to the Hokage. _ His grip tightened and he heard the medic gasping for breath seconds before Kakashi unceremoniously flung him across the room. With a loud pop, the "medic" puffed out of existence.

"Damn Taji and her flimsy shikigami," Kakashi mumbled before losing consciousness.

NOTE:

"O'dark thirty" is a very old military expression. You probably guessed already, it means some outrageous time in the morning.


	7. Show Up, Show Out, Showdown Pt1

_Last time ..._

Carefully assessing his physical state, Kakashi stirred briefly. His left arm moving faster than the eye could track, his hand clenched about the throat of the unsuspecting person beside him. Although his voice was rough, and his body burned with fever, he hoarsely whispered, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The medic stifled his urge to flee, knowing it would unleash the killing instinct of the flummoxed jounin. "I'm adjusting your intravenous drip Hatake-san. You were seriously wounded on your last mission but you're safe now and in the Konoha hospital."

_I have to get out of here and deliver this information to the Hokage. _ His grip tightened and he heard the medic gasping for breath seconds before Kakashi unceremoniously flung him across the room. With a loud pop, the "medic" puffed out of existence.

"Damn Taji and her flimsy shikigami," Kakashi mumbled before losing consciousness.

Taji sensed the shikigami's dissipation long before she arrived at the hospital and that could only mean one thing. Kakashi was awake, and based on how strongly the shikigami disintegrated…he was a little cranky too. _Damn, the one time I was counting on his predilection for tardiness!_ _I'm not going to have enough time_ _to locate and brief Tsunade before this situation goes tits up. _

One minute, Tsunade was minding her own business, sipping tea and looking over Kakashi's latest progress report at the nurse's station; the next minute a distinctly disturbed Taji was whisking her away.

"Come with me," Taji barked. "It's urgent."

Unaccustomed to being publicly manhandled, Tsunade was livid, cussing up a storm and unsuccessfully trying to dig her heels into the disobliging linoleum. "What's got your panties in a twist Taji?"

Barreling into Kakashi's room, a worried Taji and the antagonized Hokage arrived in time to witness a series of violent convulsions overtake him. Immediately, high-pitched alarms wailed, adrenaline fueled medics hustled down the hall with an overloaded crash cart and several first responders scrambled inside the room. They instantly regretted their haste.

A frightfully ominous chakra flowed through the room, slamming them against the nearest vertical surfaces. Blocking their access to Kakashi stood Taji; her eyes burning chunks of brimstone from the seventh level of hell, her carriage like that of a ferocious she-bear robbed of her whelp. Glowing white-hot chakra, wildly flickered, encasing her body like an electrified suit of armor.

The medics watched in open-mouthed wonder as four tiny slips of paper flew from Taji's hand, simultaneously transforming into faceless humanoid forms; three of them held fast to Kakashi's flailing limbs; the other skillfully slipped a bite guard into Kakashi's mouth.

"Don't even think about coming near him," roared an enraged Taji.

Kakashi's ninken, riled up by their master's distress and the sudden disturbance in Taji's chakra, issued forth guttural growls with teeth bared effectively enforcing Taji's command. That kept most of the medi-nins at a safe distance…except for one very fearless or terminally stupid medic. Deliberately choosing to disregard the warning, he rushed forward, an anticonvulsive filled syringe at the ready.

Taji sadistically lashed out, punching him in the throat so viciously, his eyes rolled back in their sockets when he flew across the room.

As one, the medics tiptoed away from the clearly deranged woman, while a few brave souls ventured in the opposite direction to attend the fallen medic. Only Tsunade dared move toward Kakashi…warily.

"Have you lost your mind Taji?" she screeched, "We're trying to stabilize him!"

The aura around Taji became oppressively turbulent, the air in the room thick and sticky with her toxic ire. Overcome by the sheer potency of Taji's rage, one hapless medic wilted to the floor in a dead faint.

"Listen Tsunade," she warned, "Kakashi briefly regained consciousness, and one of the Nara is on his way with vial of medicine. The worst thing we could do now is administer any other medication that might counteract the antidote!"

A correspondingly fractious Tsunade shouted, "Why didn't you just say that from the beginning, you demented harridan!"

Taji's level of belligerence hitched up one degree, "Didn't have time for stupid questions or long explanations." Directing her attention to the frantically writhing medic on the floor, she manically said to no one in particular, "This is what happens when these things defy their creator." With a snap of her fingers, the 'medic' disappeared leaving two mystified nurses to wheeze and choke on the sulfurous smoke filling the space where their 'colleague' previously lay.

Once more, the room's door opened, this time to reveal a haggard Kazuo Nara. He snaked his way through the thicket of medics, acknowledged the Hokage with a nod, and moved to inject a prepared solution into the crazily swinging I.V. The seizure intensified, savagely contorting Kakashi's rigid body, his eyes snapped open in a panic; a quick thinking shikigami covered the spinning Sharingan. Tsunade surged forward fearfully checking his vital signs on the monitors near his bed; Taji's glowing hands slammed into his chest infusing chakra to regulate his erratically beating heart.

For those assembled, this was the longest three minutes of their lives before Kakashi's sweat-soaked body sank exhausted into the mattress; his vital signs evened out, and he drifted off into peaceful sleep.

Leaning against the wall nearest his head, emotionally spent and physically drained, Tsunade dismissed all non-essential personnel with a broad grin and a hearty "Good job everyone!" With only Kazuo, Taji and the ninken present, Tsunade's countenance transmuted into a scowling mask of rage. She latched onto Taji, lifting her from the floor to hiss in her ear, "You've got three seconds to explain yourself or so help me, I'm going to …"

Taji forcibly shoved her backwards, roughly breaking Tsunade's grasp. Gracefully recovering her footing she yelled, "I felt his temperature spiking before I arrived and if we'd wasted more time, he might have slipped into a coma! Neither of us would have wanted that."

Cynically appraising the splenetic woman, Tsunade's demeanor marginally softened. _Dammit, she was right._ A comatose Kakashi was infinitely more worrying than an injured but conscious Kakashi.

"I'd appreciate it if you kept your meat hooks to yourself Tsunade." Serenely smoothing down her disheveled clothing, all the while indignantly eyeing the other woman, she added, "It's not my fault that I'm a better judge of Kakashi's physical condition then you'll ever be."

Kazuo stepped away from the snarling combatants unnoticed. _Evidently, Taji-san's accustomed to our choleric Hokage seizing her in a fit of temper. Geez, they both look ticked off; maybe I should come back later…_

"That might be true," Tsunade sibilated, "but I've had it up to my back teeth with your attitude!" She moved unflinchingly closer to Taji, her words meted out carefully, "We're working toward the same goal, here, and you'll do well to keep that in mind. Nevertheless, if you disrespect me one more time… physically… verbally, or otherwise, I'll shove my foot up so far up your ass, you'll belch shoe leather for a month!"

Taji's jaw tightened subtly as did Tsunade's fists, each silently daring the other to make the first move.

Reminding them of his presence, Kazuo gave an apprehensive little cough, "Begging your pardon Lady Tsunade, Taji-san. I'm sorry it took so long to analyze the samples and create this serum. As far as we can tell, this poison is a tripartite cocktail of neurotoxins. One component paralyzes on contact, while the other produces seizures hours or perhaps days after being introduced into the bloodstream."

"What about the last component?" Tsunade asked. "What does it do?"

With Taji slightly to his left and Tsunade to his right, Kazuo was having a hard time swallowing, let alone speaking. "We're not sure Lady Tsunade" he offered meekly, "preliminary research suggests it may target one or more sensory organs."

Tsunade brusquely elbowed Taji aside because she could, to stand before the young man. "What exactly are you telling me Kazuo?"

It was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe now, much less think, but Kazuo bravely squeaked,"We won't know which sense organs were affected until he regains consciousness. If the olfactory or auditory nerves were targeted, it might result in anosmia or deafness; if the optic nerves were breached…blindness."

Tsunade and Taji exchanged glances, each considering the long-term effects any of these conditions might have on Kakashi's psyche. The man had been a shinobi practically since birth, it was all he knew and loved. _If this poison claimed his hearing or sight, would it render him unsafe to live among the people he'd sworn to protect?_

Standing closer to Kazuo than he considered friendly, Taji quipped, "You're just bursting at the seams with good news today aren't ya Kazuo-kun?" I know you're holding something back. Be a good boy now and spit it out while you have the chance."

_Kami protect me! Now I understand how insects feel in the hands of a curious Aburame. _ "The good news is any of these disorders may be temporary in nature. In which case, Kakashi-san would require an extended rest period to recover fully." A bead of sweat rolled down his neck, "However, there is a slight chance he may have suffered …permanent damage."

Circling him like a hungry shark would a bucketful of bloody chum, Taji flexed her fingers by her side, "I see." She circled him once more, "Don't take this the wrong way Kazuo-san, but we've been pussyfooting around far too long; I say we need to bring in a real poison expert."

Supremely insulted by Taji's insinuation, Kazuo inwardly balked. Vocalizing his pique would likely result in having his head or another treasured part of his anatomy handed to him, so he acquiesced, "Of course Taji-san. I've taken the liberty of asking a Hyuga to come in and give him a full-body scan; that way we'll know exactly where the poison is concentrated."

For the time being, Kazuo overlooked the fuming Taji indignantly stalking about like a caged tigress near the foot of Kakashi's bed. He also chose to ignore the restless ninken sniffing around him like a filet mignon flavored chew toy. It was exceedingly difficult though, to disregard the Hokage who stood nose-to-nose with him to demand, "What exactly was in the antidote you gave him?"

"Well . . . umm . . . technically speaking Lady Tsunade, it wasn't an antidote," he conspicuously gulped. "We're still working on that; but we're fairly confident this serum will slow down the ancillary effects of the poison." With nothing left to lose, he ventured, "Since we're not sure how long it's been in his system, there's no way to predict when the tertiary effects I mentioned will manifest."

Tsunade's expression was an amalgam of incomprehension and foreboding, as if she'd won the lottery.

Shivering with trepidation, Kazuo reached into his hip pouch retrieving a small tattered notepad. "Here's a list of all the poison's components we discovered and the ingredients of the medication I gave him," he said quietly.

He was sorely tempted to count his fingers after Tsunade ripped the pad from him but summarily rejected that idea. _Now if I can just ease out of this room with all my limbs intact, I will never again volunteer to bring information to the Hokage for the rest of my life!_

"We're wasting time!" snapped Taji coming to a halt before Kazuo. "There's only one person in this village who knows more about poisons than the Nara, the Aburame, or even you Tsunade. Shouldn't we confer with her before Kakashi's condition deteriorates further?" The question was redundant, for she whipped around unexpectedly saying, "I don't give a damn what either of you think! My shikigami will stay here and monitor him with **no further interference** from you talking heads. I'm going to fetch my grandmother." With that, she vanished.

Kazuo filled the void saying, "I'm sorry I had to be the messenger of bad tidings Lady Tsunade. "Obviously Kakashi-san is experiencing a level of physical or mental stress we're all unaware of, I mean Taji-san was rather… upset."

Tsunade's eyes grew wider; _of course she was… how could I have forgotten about that? Dammit! _Summoning her ANBU guards, she instructed them to, "Track Hatake Taji's movements. Make sure she heads home and if looks like she's about to snap, take her down, but don't kill her." To the discomfited Kazuo she said, "You're right. Taji isn't in control of herself presently, which means Kakashi's condition is precarious. Search the hospital for Shizune and have her report here immediately!" _There's no way to judge how firm Taji's grasp of reality is right now, and I'm not going to risk the well-being of my assistant to find out._

"Yes ma'am," he bowed and hurried from the room.

Tsunade turned to the tranquilly sleeping Kakashi to vent, "If I didn't know you were unconscious, I'd swear you were deliberately trying to drive me crazy! The one time I need you…really need you to reign in your crazy kekkaishi, you sleep through it." Pacing alongside his bed, she went on to say, "Oh, and get this, she's bringing her grandmother back here. That's all I need right now! I haven't seen that woman in over twenty years, hell, I didn't even know she was still alive, and now she's coming here to check up on me. Crap!"

_Good lord, has it really been that long?_ Taji's grandmother, the venerable Machi Sumimura was a high-level kekkaishi in her time, renown both for her ayakashi slaying prowess as well as for her pioneering work in the healing arts. Tsunade remembered well how Hiruzen Sarutobi pleaded with Machi to take her on as an apprentice medic. The training was arduous; Machi was demanding, but fair. For four years, imparted her vast knowledge of poisonous compounds and their neutralizing agents, and Tsunade sucked it up like a dry sponge. Those long years spent under her tutelage paid tremendous dividends professionally as well as personally. During the Second Shinobi War, Tsunade alone received the heartfelt accolades of the village; she'd done her mentor proud by nullifying Suna's attempts to decimate Konoha's forces via chemical warfare.

Time spent at the Hatake estate, yielded another benefit; friendship with the storied White Fang and his wife Nari. Together with Taji's parents, they welcomed her as part of their family.

When Tsunade's last year of training ended, Sakumo pulled her aside to share the news that his beloved wife was expecting. Humbled by the prospect of being a father, he considered it a personal honor if Tsunade would agree to be the child's godmother. _Hmm…those were good times._

The Machi Sumimura Tsunade remembered was a loving, even-tempered generous and patient woman, one she could reason with. Except when it came to Kakashi's care, that's when she became as volatile as her granddaughter was. Machi doted on and was fiercely protective of Kakashi, looking upon him as her own flesh and blood after his mother passed away.

_Damn, she's gonna be pissed when she finds out I didn't catch this thing in time._

_-000-_

Naruto awoke less than twenty minutes after Taji left, ironically just as Iruka served up the last portion of steamed rice. Sleepily lumbering into the kitchen, he slid into his seat yawning, "Schmorning Miruka Insay. Why wake me did you so early up?"

Iruka shook his head, placing a glass of orange juice into the boy's hand, "How can you be sure you're actually awake now Naruto?"

In the split second it took to process the question, Naruto's eyes popped open and his stomach expectantly rumbled. All his favorites lay before him; miso soup, tamagoyaki and broiled salted salmon. "Well, if this is a dream," he dug in with a shout, "it sure beats the one I had last night!"

Just as Iruka was inattentively inhaling his fourth mug of coffee, Naruto bellowed, "**Hey Iruka-sensei! Don't you want to hear about the really weird nightmare I had last night?" **

For the second time in as many hours, Iruka found himself wiping scalding liquid from his chin and clothing. If he didn't know any better, he'd swear his coffee was conspiring to asphyxiate him.

Naruto jumped up pounding him on the back shouting quieter, "What's the matter Iruka-sensei? Am I talking too loud again?"

Motioning for the boy to retake his seat, Iruka wiped at his watery eyes. Once certain he wasn't about to cough up a lung he asked, "Now that you've gotten my attention, tell me about this nightmare you had."

"Oh, yeah, right," he gratefully chuckled. "It was so weird! I dreamed Kakashi-sensei's girlfriend chased me down and trapped me in this big box thing. Then she said some hocus-pocus words and the box smashed me to smithereens. Why would she do something like that Iruka-sensei?"

_Good grief, how many times have I told that boy not to talk with his mouth full? _

Hoping his voice wouldn't sound as raw as his throat felt, Iruka explained, "Sometimes Naruto, a dream is just your mind's way of taking out the trash. We were talking about her a lot yesterday, so that may be why she was on your mind before you went to sleep."

Rubbing his chin thoughtfully Naruto concluded, "You could be right about that, but the dream felt so real…I swear I could actually hear her voice and feel her chakra, like she was right here."

Lying to Naruto wasn't an option, but he certainly couldn't tell the boy about Taji's early morning visit either. For the time being, he determined to let the issue slide.

"Weird dreams happen to all of us Naruto," he explained. "They don't always have to mean something, so don't spazz out about it okay? Playfully pinching Naruto's arm to change the conversation's course he asked, "While you're finishing your breakfast, why don't you tell me what you have planned for the rest of the day?"

Naruto enthusiastically beamed, "I'll probably get the team together for some more training I guess. Maybe we'll stop by the hospital later to see if Kakashi-sensei has escaped yet." Half of the food piled high on his plate minutes ago, had astoundingly disappeared and Naruto was unashamedly sizing up Iruka's plate for a blitz.

"Iruka-sensei, did I ever tell you about that one time when Kakashi-sensei …" he smirked, his chopsticks inching closer to Iruka's plate.

While they shared a laugh about one of Kakashi's infamous failed hospital escape attempts, and Naruto's need for more stealth lessons, Izumo's voice boomed from the other side of the front door, "Hey Iruka, open up!"

_Is there a map that leads all the lunatics and loudmouths directly to my house? _"I'll be right back Naruto, make sure you finish your _own_ breakfast," he joked.

The door was scarcely cracked open when Kotetsu shouted, "Congratulations Iruka, I heard you're dating Kakashi's kekkaishi! Dude, you're a lot tougher than I gave you credit for!"

Quickly grabbing a fistful of chunnin flak vest and checking the hallway for curious neighbors, Iruka shushed, "Quit flapping your gums, and get in here!"

Izumo was no better, or quieter. "You look like you didn't get a wink of sleep last night," he chortled as he slipped past Iruka. "Way to go man!"

"Will you please be quiet?" Iruka nervously hissed.

"Hey, it's alright with us buddy," Kotetsu said slyly, as he too slunk past Iruka. "But I suggest you be careful, she's married you know… jealous husband and all that."

Iruka roughly whispered, "I'm not dating her, I know she's married, and what the hell kinda crack was that, 'Tetsu? Where do you guys come up with this stuff anyway and how did you know she's a kekkaishi?"

Bending to remove his sandals, Kotetsu leered devilishly, "We heard it from Genma… he saw you two talking on your doorstep early this morning. Come on man, everybody in the village knows she's a kekkaishi; are you telling me you didn't know that?"

Brushing past their cheesed off friend, Izumo lowered his voice to ask, "What's the deal man? Did she rescue you from some bloodthirsty ayakashi, or does she just have a thing for tall, dark, brown-eyed Academy instructors?"

Unbeknownst to Iruka, Naruto had exited the kitchen and was standing behind him, rice bowl in hand, "What's a kekkaishi Iruka-sensei, and you're… dating somebody? Why didn't you tell me you were dating somebody? What… is she ugly or something?"

_TBC…_

NOTES:

Kazuo means, "Man of peace."

Nari means, "Peal of thunder."

Tamagoyaki is a type of omelet.

Machi means, "Ten thousand thousand; denotes long life."


	8. Show Up, Show Out, Showdown Pt2

_**A history lesson comes from two unlikely sources, and finally, and we have a conscious Kakashi!**_

_Last time…_

Unbeknownst to Iruka, Naruto had exited the kitchen and was standing behind him, rice bowl in hand, "What's a kekkaishi Iruka-sensei, and you're… dating somebody? Why didn't you tell me you were dating somebody? What… is she ugly or something?"

"I'm not dating anybody Naruto," Iruka loudly proclaimed staring pointedly at Izumo. "And no, the person I'm not dating isn't ugly. Never mind that now, don't you have something to do this morning?"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Naruto flippantly needled. "I know you don't want me here when you guys start talking about holding hands with girls and other gross stuff like kissing and junk."

Kotetsu the busybody helpfully supplied, "Iruka's a little shy, but I can tell you all about his new girlfriend. For one thing, she's not a ninja, but she does have some special skills. She's a kekkaishi and …"

Izumo took a wide swipe at his head, gesturing wildly for him to shut up while Naruto peered around Iruka looking as if Kotetsu was speaking a foreign language. Iruka meanwhile stood stock-still, tense, and mute, as an angry red flush zipped across his face.

"Quit fooling around 'Zumo," he continued batting away Izumo's hand. "As I was saying, kekkaishi are born with the ability to sense and destroy supernatural beings, well, ayakashi specifically. They cast spells or use a jutsu if you will, to construct barriers called kekkai. These kekkai things hold the ayakashi in place until they can destroy it by collapsing the kekkai on it. After that, they gather up its fragments to keep it from regenerating and send them into another dimension. So your Iruka-sensei has a really cool girlfriend, am I right?"

Izumo's eyes shifted from a stunned Iruka to a terrified Naruto and back again to the goofily grinning Kotetsu.

The loud crack of Naruto's rice bowl smashing to the floor ripped asunder the taut cloak of silence. Hurriedly moving to stand before Iruka, his wide eyes pleading for a swift denial of Kotetsu's wild tale, Naruto murmured, "So that dream I had last night, it wasn't just my brain taking out the trash was it?" A forlorn look, a drawn breath, "Can your girlfriend really do those things Iruka-sensei?"

Shame and disappointment settled in his chest as if a supersized Akimichi was standing on him; Iruka bowed his head silently. _Crap!_ _I_ _wasn't bold enough to tell Naruto about my conversation with Taji-san when I had the chance. Hell,_ _I didn't even know half this stuff until this morning. _

_"_Naruto," he said respectfully, "She's an acquaintance of mine, and yes, I suppose kekkaishi can do those things…but she would never harm you…I wouldn't let her."

Sluggishly the terror in Naruto's expression morphed into a baffled frown, "Okay Iruka-sensei, if you say so I believe you, but geez, why couldn't you find a girlfriend that was… I don't know ... normal?"

Iruka chaffed, "For the last time, she's not my girlfriend… besides _normal_ is grossly overrated. Now, get dressed, go do your training and check on your team leader. When you're done for the day, we'll get some ramen and talk, okay?" In the blink of an eye, Naruto took off running toward the back bedroom, as Iruka furiously rounded on his blabber mouthed friend.

"Iruka ...now ...wait a minute . . . hold on now ..." Kotetsu wavered, endeavoring all the while to make a human shield of the reluctant Izumo. "I had no idea the kid was here, I'm sorry, all right?"

Sounding as if he were in fog, Iruka wondered aloud, "Didn't know he was here you say…and now you're sorry. Tell me, did the regret settle in before, or after you realized I'm was going to kick your sorry ass? I can't believe you stood there and gave him such a graphic description of a kekkaishi's duties! How could you be so irresponsible?"

Kotetsu was as red-faced as Iruka; silence and a sheepish grin were his only responses.

The desire to hit something or someone was becoming unbearable. Far more upset by his failure to address the issue preemptively rather than with Kotetsu's thoughtless words, Iruka's shoulders drooped. _I'm positive_ _Naruto will understand that I didn't want him to hate Taji because of what she is. Damn it all, will he be able to forgive me for withholding information from him? _

While Naruto noisily bumped about in the spare bedroom, Iruka wistfully stared toward the rear of his home, "How am I supposed to fix this 'Tetsu?"

Before Kotetsu had a chance to say something else stupid, Izumo spoke up, "Don't be so hard on yourself man. Naruto's not angry with you; in fact I'm willing to bet Kotetsu's next two paychecks he's more concerned that a girlfriend will chip away at the time he gets to spend with you."

"Hey!" Kotetsu grimaced, "Bet with your own money!"

Izumo's stern glare cut off any retort, "Oh and umm ...don't be so hard on Kotetsu either. You know he suffers from chronic 'foot in mouth disease,' I think the medical term is nincompoop syndrome."

Kotetsu pouted goofily, "Yeah man, I was just happy you've finally found a girlfriend …sure she's a little psycho, but if you're willing to overlook that character flaw, I say more power to you." Judging from the blank stare Iruka was giving him, and the irritated vibe coming from Izumo, Kotetsu changed his tack. "I already said I'm sorry, so what else can I do to make this thing right?"

Fastening Kotetsu with a pseudo frown, Iruka sternly said, "I've already got one mess to clean up, so you can take care of this one," motioning toward the slivers of the rice bowl. "While you're at it, perhaps you'll regale us with the details of how you became the resident expert on all things kekkaishi."

Relieved, Kotetsu bragged, "Heh, I wouldn't say I was an expert, but I know a few things."

"Guess I'm not surprised you don't know that much about kekkaishi," Izumo reckoned as he sauntered toward the kitchen. "You and I come from small families."

Kotetsu finished Izumo's line of thought, "What he's trying to say is large clans like mine were more likely to live in close contact with kekkaishi; I basically grew up around them. They're easy-going types, with the exception of your umm girl ...I mean, Taji-san. "Hey, is that broiled salted salmon I smell?"

"Don't let your stomach put your other foot in your mouth," Izumo wisecracked, skimming between them with a broom and dustpan. "He's not gonna give us any food until you finish this, so make it snappy."

Brown eyes shined with a glimmer of his old rascally self when Iruka joked, "What makes you stumblebums think I'm going to feed you now?"

Strolling into the kitchen again as if he owned the joint, Izumo pointed out, Parting with a few vittles is the surest to shake loose some information about your 'new acquaintance'. I better make another pot of coffee 'cause this is gonna take a while."

Iruka could never stay angry with these two crackpots for long, "You know where everything is so go ahead ya mooch," he teased. "I'll see what else I can throw together for breakfast, since you're forcing me to drag the full story outta you guys."

They all heard the bedroom door swing open loudly and turned to see Naruto heading for the door with a quick wave. "Thanks for the grub Iruka-sensei, see ya later!"

Looking up from his custodial duties, Kotetsu proudly grinned, "See Iruka, you were worried about a whole lot of nothing. That kid's resilient, not to mention absent minded; knowing him, he's probably already forgotten all that stuff I told him earlier."

Though Kotetsu's comment was one part truth and ninety-nine parts wishful thinking, Iruka knew Naruto better than that. The boy had an uncanny knack for remembering and loudly regurgitating bits and pieces of bygone conversations at the oddest and most embarrassing times.

_Nope, the best way to prepare myself for the inevitable third degree is with cold, hard facts. Heaven help me because it looks like Kotetsu's my only reliable source of information. _

Inordinately pleased with himself for having corralled every speck of rice and the wayward bits of crockery, Kotetsu ducked into the kitchen to dispose of the debris. He was just about to take a seat when Izumo snapped, "Don't get too comfortable, we've got three hours before guard duty, and I'd like to eat before then. Why don't you make yourself useful and bring those dirty dishes over here?"

"Who died and made you the boss of me? For cripe's sake man, chill out," Kotetsu huffily balked while he cleared the table. Precariously balancing the hastily grabbed armload of dishes he couldn't resist sniping, "Is there anything else you want me to do your majesty?"

"I'd like you to get started with your tall tales about kekkaishi," Iruka ribbed. "I've got other things to do today, so let's hear it."

Kotetsu commandeered Iruka's chair at the head of the table laughing, "Hey 'Ruka, it's hard to believe I actually know more about a subject than you do. I can't believe, "Mr. I-love-history-more-than-life-itself Umino," is absolutely clueless about his girlfriend's people."

_Well that was harsh. _Anybody who knew Iruka for longer than a week knew he was a rabid history buff who took great pride in his knowledge of the village he called home; the small library in his spare bedroom was a testament to that. His parents left him numerous scrolls, leather bound books, and old parchments detailing shinobi life since the founding of the village. Many others were gifts from friends, though the majority of the material came from students angling for better grades.

"Miracles do happen, and gloating is a very unflattering color on you 'Tetsu," Iruka groused. Mixing the ingredients for miso soup and flipping on the rice cooker, Iruka sighed, "Up until this morning I thought kekkaishi were just myths."

"Nope, they're real," laughed Kotetsu, "Been around for at least five hundred years, give or take a decade; well not here in Konoha that long, but in existence I mean. They migrated to the Land of Fire with the Hatake clan from Lightning Country. Damn man, that Sumimura clan is gigantically huge; they're spread out all over the Five Shinobi Lands."

"Hang on a minute," Iruka butted in, "Why is it I've never heard of any other Hatakes except Kakashi and his father?" _ Wonder what happened to the rest of them?_

An exasperated huff flowed from Izumo's lips, "The Hatake were a family of farmers, so naturally they wouldn't live inside the village proper; you didn't know that either, did ya? No big deal man, we don't hear much about them nowadays. I imagine they've all died off by now."

Choosing to ignore that little dig, Iruka's skillful hands mounded the sea salt around three thick slabs of salmon; he didn't bother to respond.

"I got another eye-opener for ya," Kotetsu pitched in, "Remember how we were always taught that there were only four noble clans that originally inhabited Konoha? "

_That's right, the Nara, Akimichi, Aburame, and Hyuga. _"I suppose you're going tell me that information isn't accurate either," griped a distracted Iruka.

"Oooh, Oooh," Izumo volunteered with his arm raised and waving about like one of Iruka's students needing a potty break. "I know this one! If you count the Hatake and Sumimura, six noble clans were the earliest residents of Konohagakure. The Nara and Akimichi came from the region we now call the Land of Clouds, in Lightning Country. The Nara were a family of apothecaries; the Akimichi, Samurai descendants no less, were a clan of food vendors. Yeah, yeah, ironic I know. Anywho, the Aburame were originally from Suna, poison experts, and the Hyuga came from the Land of Earth, bunch of physicians and surgeons. All these families drifted to the Land of Fire because of persecution, except the Hatake clan. They were looking for a larger portion of arable land with a more temperate climate – farmers are funny like that."

_Well that's news to me. I'm really going to have to update my lesson plans, but first I have to know,_ "What about the Sumimura, what were they running from?"

Izumo fielded this one too, "Actually, they were running toward the Forest of Death. Ayakashi there were multiplying at an alarming rate and threatening to break free of the boundary their ancestor established. What was that guy's name 'Tetsu?"

"Tokimori Hazama; all kekkaishi descended from him. Remind me to tell you more about him later Iruka. Interesting side note, you know how the Forest of Death has a fence around it with warning signs posted that we 'ordinary' people can see? Well, surrounding that fence is an enormous kekkai accessible only in the presence of seven high-level kekkaishi. I'm assuming you never noticed those folks in ivory kimonos standing outside the fence during Chunnin exams; anyway, it's their job to keep ayakashi from escaping the barrier and to exterminate those ayakashi who try to kill any of the contestants."

The flow of information stopped as suddenly as it started. Iruka tore his eyes away from the salmon to inquire, "So, what's the rest of the story?"

Izumo and Iruka were like two kids at camp listening to ghost stories; Izumo, up to his wrists in suds, had been washing the same imaginary plate for five minutes. Iruka was no better; that unattended pot of miso soup was threatening to boil over any second.

"Go on 'Tetsu," Izumo grouched, "before Iruka gets apoplexy."

"Wow, must've drawn a blank, Kotetsu said thoughtfully, "Memory's getting fuzzy, probably due to hunger pangs."

Iruka didn't need a building to fall on him. "Salmon's almost done 'Tetsu. Damn shame about your memory going on the fritz though; mine must be failing too because it looks like I only made enough for me and Izumo."

"Hey, I tried," a glum Kotetsu allowed. "Now, where was I? Yeah right, the Nara . . . their knowledge of and skill with medicinal herbs came from the ancient Lightning mystics, as did their ability to manipulate shadows. The latter ability forced the family to flee their ancestral home after superstitious villagers orchestrated the murder of their clan leader. Soon after they arrived in Konoha, they established an alliance with the Hatake clan to supply necessary medicinal plants in exchange for fresh produce and grain."

"Yeah, yeah," Izumo piped up, "Developed an affinity with the deer of the forest, bred tame deer, pioneered medicinal uses for deer hooves, and shed deer antlers. That's old news dude. We want to hear about these kekkaishi folks," Izumo said to the empty space beside him, "Isn't that right Iruka… Iruka?"

Reappearing beside him with a notebook and pen, Iruka awkwardly answered, "Just in case he says something important, I'd like to jot it down…for my classes."

Kotetsu and Izumo burst out laughing. Iruka was a lot of things, a good friend, a great cook, and an excellent teacher; but the man was a hopeless history nerd at heart.

"Alrighty then," Kotetsu proceeded, "The Akimichi, learned their signature expansion techniques the Lightning sages and over time they became the family kekkai genkai. I told you they were food vendors when they got here, but through a mutually profitable business venture with the Hatake clan, they rose to prominence becoming the largest exporters of gourmet cuisine throughout the Five Shinobi Lands; the Hatake supplied the produce, of course.

Iruka was scribbling furiously now.

"The Aburame were widely celebrated entomologists who gained notoriety in the field of insect based medicines, cosmetics and poisons." Kotetsu was leaning back in his chair, his feet casually propped atop an adjacent chair's seat, "In times of war, their scrupulous tactical planning and espionage skills, as well as their knowledge of untraceable poisons, made them valuable assets to Suna. Despite that, their unnatural fascination with insects marked them as outcasts by Suna's citizens, and they chose to relocate to the Land of Fire. They also formed an alliance with the Hatake clan to protect their crops from insect infestation in exchange for a yearly allotment of vegetables and grains."

_Looks like I'm gonna need another notebook._

_-000-_

Precisely twenty-three hours, thirty-seven minutes and twelve seconds after his admission, Kakashi stretched out his senses to scrutinize his surroundings. _Well, at least I'm in a hospital this time._

It didn't take his genius mind too long to register six very important tidbits of information. Firstly, he was itchy, meaning he was heavily bandaged; he was a tad sweaty too, that signified a fever, now broken. Chakra depletion was likely responsible for the massive headache he had, and seven lumps of wriggling fur assured him that at least his pack cared about him.

Lastly, there was a very strong, very ticked off chakra presence nearby emitting unconcealed ire directly at him. If he had to guess, that type of incensed chakra could only come from Tsunade, or worse, Taji. Didn't matter really, whichever one it was, he was about to get an earful.

"How nice of you to rejoin us in the land of the living," came Taji's surly greeting.

_Damn, I was hoping for Tsunade._

Kakashi approached Taji's irritation as he would any other unrelenting enemy. He devised an ingenious battle plan based on passive resistance. He'd learned long ago the hard way that his best chance of survival lay in the ability to avert his eye and remain quiet until the unavoidable tongue-lashing ceased. _If I'm lucky, I might be able to sleep through half of her histrionics. _That plan worked for a few minutes, until the temptation to tease his reluctant nursemaid became too great.

Interrupting her tirade he coolly remarked, "From my restraints Taji, I'd guess you've either given me a lousy haircut or you're enraptured with Chapter Sixteen of Make-Out Paradise. Either way… it's pretty kinky…bet your husband's gonna be thrilled next time you see him."

"I wouldn't touch those nasty little books if your life depended on it."

Skitching out a phony little laugh and she quickly moved to loosen the thick bands that rendered him immobile. "Who told you about my husband's dominatrix fantasies? Never mind, I'm sure I don't want to know. You were restrained knucklehead, because you took out a medic; one of my favorite shikigami I might add. The regular hospital staff was a tiny bit concerned you might react unfavorably again, hence these lovely leather reminders to behave yourself. By the by, you should be thankful the only things I snipped off were the ends of your hair, you big pervert."

Strange . . . he could almost feel the sardonic grin spreading across her face; he virtually heard her left eyebrow rise. _I must really be in bad shape, I can sense her presence, but I can't seem to focus on her. _

"As heart-warming as your effusive welcome was Taji, it's extremely ill-mannered to speak to the head of one's clan so impertinently," he tsked.

"A thousand pardons Hatake-sama," she stuffily declared, "But I'll kindly thank you to piss off."

"Much better," he chuckled. His good humor gave way to seriousness rapidly and he sharply asked, "How long have I been here, when can I go home and do you have any idea when they're going to take these bandages off my eyes?"

The deep breath she drew and the silence that followed, spoke volumes. Her soft hand hovered over his, "You've been here for roughly twenty-five hours, I have no idea when you're going to be released, and as for the bandages… my grandmother made a poultice for your eyes."

_If Machi-bachan was here, the news wasn't going to be pleasant. __A_confused fusion of instinct, fear, and anger made him painfully capture her wrist. He kept his voice steady, low, and serious, "That's not all of it… is it?" She refused to answer. "Tell me the rest of the story Taji," he ordered, his fingers tightening; she didn't flinch.

_She always tells me the truth eventually, whether I want to hear it or not. _He swallowed raspingly when he felt the ninken shift. One of them pressed their snout against his jaw to comfort him; he tensed.

"You were poisoned with something even Tsunade has never encountered," she began with a shaky voice. "This particular poison, a neurotoxin, selectively targets a sensory organ…"

He felt quivers in the wrist he still held; was she angry …frightened?

"In your case, it was the optic nerves." She took a deep breath,

"You're blind Kakashi."

NOTES:

Kekkai are the primary offensive and defensive tools in a kekkaishi's arsenal. They are essentially barriers created by casting a spell. Used primarily to trap and eliminate ayakashi or human targets, they also can shield the caster from attacks or falling debris.

I have no idea where the Nara, Akimichi, Aburame, or Hyuga families originated from so, I made it up.


	9. Show Up, Show Out, Showdown Pt3

PLEASE BE ADVISED: The abridged history lesson continues, and several of the events surrounding Naruto's birth and the Yondaime's sacrifice are included. Kakashi deals with his medical condition.

_Last time…_

_If Machi-bachan was here, the news wasn't going to be pleasant. _A confused fusion of instinct, fear, and anger made him painfully capture her wrist. He kept his voice steady, low, and serious, "That's not all of it… is it?" She refused to answer. "Tell me the rest of the story Taji," he ordered, his fingers tightening; she didn't flinch.

_I can always count on her to tell me the truth, whether I want to hear it or not. _He swallowed raspingly when he felt the ninken shift. One of them pressed their snout against his jaw to comfort him; he tensed.

"You were poisoned with something even Tsunade had never encountered," she began, her voice shaky. "This particular poison, a neurotoxin, selectively targets a sensory organ."

He felt quivers in the wrist he still held; was she angry …frightened?

"In your case, it was the optic nerves." She took a deep breath, "You're blind Kakashi."

Shaking his arm vigorously, Taji shouted, Hey nimrod! Snap out of it! I bet you zoned out right after I told you about this whole blindness thing didn't you. I can't believe you missed that lovely speech I gave about this being temporary and we'll get through this together. Went in one ear and out the other, I'll bet."

Some of the smaller ninken drew closer to Kakashi's body. They sensed his growing unease and even Bull leaned over the guardrail to nuzzle his cheek. Sharing their warmth and doggie kisses were the only way they knew how to express support when their master brooded. Kakashi petted each one he could reach.

"I'm truly grateful for your sense of propriety Taji," he said finally. "Most people would have blurted out such devastating news, but you softened the blow by dancing around the topic of my blindness."

Taji let him have that one without rebuttal. She knew that sarcasm was his only friend when the fates yanked him about like a marionette in a cyclone. For Kakashi, sarcasm was his primary coping mechanism to deflect the pity that came from the mouths of others, and his own dark thoughts.

His tone took on a bitter and somewhat resigned edge, "Care to define 'temporary' for me?"

The antiquated guardrail loudly squealed and the mattress dipped slightly when Taji took a seat near his hip. "I can't be specific, but my grandmother, two of the Nara and Tsunade are huddled together in the lab working on an antidote as we speak." Her voice mellowed, "You're probably going to be sleeping quite a bit in the coming days, so time will pass by quickly."

"Was that the reason behind sealing my chakra Taji?" _Tsunade probably ordered her to do it, so I'd have no alternative but sleep until my reserves rebuild naturally. Dammit!_

She playfully slapped the back of his hand, "Indubitably, it won't do to have pushing your body to the limit before its ready. Besides, the old bag forced me to do it and you know I always follow the Hokage's orders to the letter."

That ridiculous lie merited a wholehearted laugh, "Of course you do, especially when it means you get to torture me somehow in the process," he snorted quite sullenly. "Just please tell me Gai doesn't know about my condition."

This time Taji's laugh was genuine. "If you promise to be a good little patient, maybe Tsunade will give him a mission outside the village until you've recovered. You know I had to knock him unconscious and tie him to a training post in his house to keep him from barging in here ...again."

"So you** have** been reading my books," he teased.

Their merriment was short-lived as the click of Tsunade's heels came to a halt outside his door. Stern-faced, Tsunade entered, clipboard in hand. "Before you ask brat, you're going to stay here until I say otherwise. Two more days, tops. Oh, yeah, we got an antidote worked out, thanks in part to Taji's bull-headedness and Machi-san's expertise."

For once, Taji kept her trap shut; she simply squeezed Kakashi's hand. "My report's a little late Tsunade-sama," he quietly said, "Would you like to hear it now?"

Pausing to check his pulse and oxygen saturation levels, Tsunade answered, "That won't be necessary. Taji already retrieved the information for me; good job by the way."

In the language they'd shared since childhood, he snidely whispered, "You know I hate it when you walk through my mind Taji."

"Well, it was no picnic for me either," she grumbled. "I had to scrub down my brain afterwards with disinfectant followed by a bleach rinse. You're more twisted than a jumbo box of pretzels, you know that?"

"All right that's enough, you two," laughed Tsunade. "Let me bring you up to speed Kakashi, this poison was heavily concentrated around your optic nerves. You know that dammed Sharingan is susceptible to blindness as it is, but years of depending on one eye strained the other optic nerve to the point of weakness as well. Naturally, that's where the poison attacked. The good news is Machi-san figured that out before you even had the scan, and she made some god-awful poultice to leech away some of the toxins. I'm going to examine your eyes again, so lie still."

The lower half of each pupil had lost its opaqueness, which was an encouraging sign; however, the images projected to his brain were still very blurry. "I know it doesn't seem like it Kakashi, but you're slowly improving." Removing his remaining restraints Tsunade pressed her palm to his forehead; his chakra levels were still low, but not worrisome. His right hand was healing nicely, but his leg remained swollen and warm to the touch. "I'll start you on a course of antibiotics to ward off secondary infection in your hand and leg, and you're going to need a crutch for a few weeks too. Shizune will be in shortly to start your physical therapy and reapply these bandages."

Yet another reason he hated hospitals, people poked and prodded him, sticking things in and through every available orifice. Wisely swallowing that complaint, he skeptically queried, "Maa…Hokage-sama, you mentioned something earlier about an antidote?"

"Don't rush me brat." Pressing and holding his nostrils closed until his mouth involuntarily flew open, Tsunade poured a vile smelling viscous brown substance down his throat. As he suffered through a spectacular coughing fit, she told Taji, "That was the antidote. Make sure he gets it twice a day for the next three days."

Kakashi comically clutched his throat with both hands to keep the medicine from traveling further, to no avail.

Tsunade ignored the choking man to instruct further, "After you administer the medicine, Taji you need to have a garbage can at the ready. He won't keep it down for long, but a thin residue will coat his stomach and enter the bloodstream rapidly. According to Machi-san, this stuff will make him sweat out the poison, so keep him in bed and wrapped up tightly."

"Speaking of sweat," Taji teased, "He needs a serious scrub down. I enjoy a musky manly scent as well as the next woman, but he's just foul."

"I'm right here you know," he griped. Kakashi leered as best he could despite the fact his stomach was on fire and his head felt as if someone was on the inside with a with pickaxe frantically trying to escape. "You want her to give it to me twice a day and keep me in bed wrapped up tightly… why Tsunade-sama, I'm immensely flattered, yet incredibly appalled. She's a lot crazier than I like my bedmates, and I don't mean in a good way."

"That reminds me," Tsunade turned to Taji, "Gai's conscious now, so take the kekkai off his apartment, and untie the poor man."

"You're a real buzz kill Tsunade, but since you asked so nicely, I'll get around to it."

"Pardon me ladies, please don't take this as a personal affront, but I believe that garbage can would come in handy right about now. Reverse peristalsis and all that…"

-000-

This had to be the most enlightening and expensive breakfast Iruka ever shared with Izumo and Kotetsu. Though it meant he'd be eating rice and drinking tap water until payday, the information they provided would be well worth it.

Like everyone else, Iruka knew the Hyuga could see chakra pathways via the Byakugan. What he didn't know was when they resided in the Land of Earth many of the main branch family dedicated themselves to the healing arts; the lofty social standing they enjoyed was due in part to their skill as physicians and surgeons. Iruka also discovered that in times of border skirmishes, branch family members served as reconnaissance team leaders, detecting insurgent's movements and guiding fighters to enemy strongholds.

Unfortunately, when a new leader came to power in the Land of Earth, those with bloodline limits became targets. Forced to either have their ability permanently sealed away or face execution, the Hyuga sought asylum in the Land of Fire. Though they were on amicable terms with the Hatake clan, no formal alliance ever existed between the families.

"We've got less than one and a half hours before guard duty," carped Izumo, "And yet we've heard nothing more about the kekkaishi."

"I'm getting there," he told the impatient Izumo. "I can't tell their story without dragging in the Hatake clan; after all it was their fault kekkaishi wound up in Konoha anyway or was it the other way around?"

"How do you know all this stuff anyway," Iruka said, his miffed tone poorly concealed.

"I told you, I grew up around kekkaishi," Kotetsu said, "They're recorders of clan histories, albeit grudgingly. Hey, I get it now! Maybe that's the attraction between you and Taji-san. Two bookworms in love, it's perfect!"

Iruka turned beet-red and was ready to protest when Izumo grabbed his arm, "Speaks first, thinks later…nincompoop, remember? Let's see if I can speed this up a bit," Izumo appeased. "Back in the old days when ayakashi were prevalent here, large civilian families, and later shinobi clans hired kekkaishi to protect their land and families from destruction or abduction."

"The longer a kekkaishi family remained with a clan, they'd absorb some of their chakra, and kekkai genkai, if any," Kotetsu chimed in. I'm not sure how they to do that, it's just another weird ability they have. Anyway, after living together for a period of time, the kekkaishi would enter into a covenant with their adopted family, vowing to remain with them throughout their generations. Got any syrup Iruka?"

Iruka turned his nose up at the idea Kotetsu would dare drizzle syrup over his salmon, nevertheless, he noisily rummaged through a cabinet to find the offensive liquid. Flinging the bottle at Kotetsu's head, he prodded, "Absorb chakra… kekkai genkai…make a covenant… go on."

Snatching the projectile in mid-air, Kotetsu mumbled, "Kekkaishi are wired differently than we are Iruka: they're able to compartmentalize another person's chakra and release it independently." Swiping a sip from Izumo's unattended coffee mug, Kotetsu grimaced, "It's kinda creepy if you ask me."

"Yeah," Izumo added, "Creepy or not, that ability comes in handy when a field shinobi is close to death due to chakra depletion or in infiltration situations; did you know they can even hide their own chakra from sensor ninja?" Taking a break from politely ransacking Iruka's refrigerator he continued, "When the village elders got wind of this ability, they enacted a law which allowed the kekkaishi to assume a clan's family name as a concession of sorts. Guess they figured it would inspire loyalty to the village or something. All right I give up, where's the soy sauce?"

Iruka piled their plates and brought them and his notebook to the table.

Kotetsu dovetailed the story, as Izumo wandered to his seat, soy sauce held like a trophy, "After the village gained notoriety for its superior fighting forces, the Council added a few new laws, mainly to appease the kekkaishi. The first law prohibited marriage between kekkaishi and shinobi, because kekkaishi are persnickety about maintaining pure bloodlines. Law or not, things happen you know and many kids were born of 'unlawful' unions. When the Council figured out these bastard children had the chakra necessary to master shinobi techniques, they permitted them to attend the Academy. That was just a means of securing additional manpower. By registering these hybrid kekkaishi under the clan's name, the village can recruit them into active military service during times of extreme emergency."

"Needless to say, the kekkaishi were pissed about that," Izumo snorted. "So the Council amended the law to prohibit kekkaishi from becoming active shinobi."

"So, let me see if I understand all this correctly," Iruka interjected. "Kekkaishi eliminate ayakashi… can absorb and compartmentalize chakra… have been given the privilege of taking their adopted clan's name… and can serve as quasi-shinobi on the battlefield?"

"Yep," asserted Izumo, "During the Second, and Third Great Shinobi Wars they did their fair share. In addition to fighting against the enemy side-by-side with family members, they used their abilities to assist the medics, and get messages to outlying command posts without detection. Those kekkai things can be used for more than just trapping ayakashi too, or so I heard."

Iruka's jaw went slack. He was nearly drooling, his hand was cramping something fierce, and his barely touched plate of food magically disappeared, picked clean by his chatty friends. _Damn, how did I manage to live in this village for so long without ever hearing about all this?_

"Wait, there's more," Kotetsu rushed to tell him, "Within a clan, whenever a family member gets pregnant, so does one of the kekkaishi women. The kids are born within a few weeks of each other and once the infants reach the age of two months, they undergo a ritual bonding them together for life. The kekkaishi absorbs some of the child's chakra in return for being designated as a protector of that kid."

Suddenly Gai's off the wall comments made sense. "_Joined in a bond older and stronger than the Hokage Monument"…hmm. _ "I'm unclear about something 'Tetsu; if the kekkaishi takes their adopted clan's name, why would Taji-san wear the komon of the Sumimura clan too?"

"She's not the only one," Kotetsu clarified. "Kekkaishi are very proud of their heritage. Theirs is a unique bloodline, the only one of its type in existence. That's why their first loyalty is to the clan Sumimura, then to their adopted clan, and finally to the village."

Intrigued and overstimulated by the plethora of information, Iruka's agile mind thirsted for more. "All right, then I've got another question. If kekkaishi are better suited for dealing with ayakashi, why did the Yondaime end up sealing away the Nine-Tails?"

Kotetsu stopped chewing long enough to glance over at Izumo. He'd have to handle this carefully. "Well Iruka, ayakashi weren't restricted to this nation alone. Kekkaishi used to be hired by other nations to exterminate ayakashi which brought in revenue for our village."

"I'm with you so far."

"The Land of Fire had an abundance of high-level kekkaishi within its borders, and the other nations felt it gave us an unfair advantage. The leaders of surrounding lands called for a meeting where they presented the Fire Daimyo with a petition demanding that all non-clan affiliated kekkaishi be equally dispersed among the countries."

Pushing his empty plate from him, Kotetsu went on to say, "There were only three classes of exemptions to this edict; kekkaishi already on missions, those younger than ten years or older than seventy years and those with blood oath ties to a family."

Kotetsu blanched, this was the part of the story he hated reliving. "Every kekkaishi family from the Land of Fire was compelled to journey to the Land of Wind to be parceled out among the nations. Ironically, the summit took place exactly three weeks before the previous jinchuriki; Uzamaki Kushina gave birth to Naruto. Once her seal weakened through childbirth, whoever masterminded the destruction of this village gained control over Kyuubi. So in a nutshell, that's why the Yondaime had to sacrifice himself, his wife, and infant son to save the village."

"Unfortunately, there weren't enough high-level kekkaishi left to deal with Kyuubi," added Izumo sadly. "We lost the youngest Hokage in history that night, along with countless others. Once everything was over, we understood why the kekkaishi couldn't protect us. It didn't lessen our grief, but the villagers never held it against them."

Iruka was gob-smacked. Memories of that night still haunted his dreams.

They sat quietly around the table for a while, until Iruka said, "Thanks for making me aware of all this stuff. I hope you're happy for all the grief you've caused me 'Tetsu."

"Look man, I didn't want to talk about it myself…"

"You've single-handedly increased my summer break workload," Iruka grumpily inferred.

"What the hell are you talking about man?" Cocking his head to the right, Kotetsu griped, 'Zumo, what the hell is he talking about?"

With a wink and a nudge, Izumo replied, "He's going to have to wade through tons of information in the village archives now, just to check up on the stories you told this morning. You know how much Iruka hates doing research."

Iruka rubbed his hands together with delight and a sinister gleam in his eye. "Who knows how many hours I'll have to spend looking up all this stuff? It's going to take weeks to update my history lesson plans too."

"Ah man, you're full of crap! Kotetsu lightly slapped the back of Iruka's head, "You had me thinking you were angry."

Izumo stretched lazily, "Hate to eat and run, but we've got to get going man, duty calls."

"Yeah, see you 'round 'Ruka," Kotetsu grinned.

"Hang on a minute," Iruka smirked. "You know how this works, you've emptied my refrigerator, and some of my cupboards so the least you could do is clean up behind yourselves."

-000-

Tsunade and Taji concluded their brutalizing little visit and moved on; luckily, they'd deemed Kakashi stable enough for transfer to a private room on the medical ward. More torment lay ahead when Shizune came in to start his physical therapy. "You had us worried there for a while Kakashi-san," she told him gingerly testing his ankle's range of motion. "I'm glad you're responding so well to your treatment program."

He grimaced a bit when Shizune applied light pressure to the side of his calf. "Yeah well," he winced, "I do what I can to keep the Hokage on her toes." Substituting a hoarse chuckle for the yelp of pain he wanted to let loose, he quipped, "How does everything look down there... my leg, that is."

Shizune put on her best 'I'm the sympathetic nurse, and you're the hard-headed patient voice', "Like it or not Kakashi-san, you're going to need a crutch for a few weeks as Lady Tsunade already told you. I'll get a few measurements and bring one later."

_Terrific, the blind guy needs a walking stick; the pack's gonna laugh their tails off._

Shizune made sure to announce her next movements loudly, no sense getting her arm snapped in half by a jittery jounin. "Kakashi-san, I need to remove these old bandages, so please hold still for me." The cool steel of the scissors against his temple caused him to jerk away slightly; he didn't instinctively lash out, but the warmth of the penlight was almost unbearable as she carefully examined his cloudy eyes.

"I'm going to reapply this poultice and put on some fresh bandages Kakashi-san." She worked so quickly the foul smell of medicine hardly registered before fresh cotton dressings smothered it. "I'll be back shortly," she reassured him with a light pat on his shoulder. The door opened again and he heard Shizune exchanging greetings with another nurse. _What's this one going to do to me?_

An embarrassingly loud rumble erupted from his midsection when the aroma of slowly cooked beef reached out to caress his nose. _Man, I had no idea how hungry I was until just now._ Even Pakkun stirred briefly, his stub of a tail wagging in anticipation.

"Good afternoon Kakashi-san," she cheerfully greeted, "Sounds like you're ready for a little sustenance." Artfully arranging his bed and pillows, the nurse helped him sit upright, "The spoon is on your left Kakashi-san. I'm sorry, but the miso soup is for you," she was whispering now, "but I sneaked in a bowl of beef stock for your dog if that's all right."

In his famished state, he'd almost forgotten about the hairy chick magnet lying beside him. "I appreciate your consideration… Pakkun… what do you say when someone brings you food?"

"What, just stock and no meat?" he gruffed.


	10. I'm Who and You're What? Pt1

_Last time…_

He had no idea how hungry he was until the aroma of miso soup wafted in and his stomach loudly rumbled. "Good afternoon Kakashi-san, hope you're ready for a little sustenance," she cheerfully said. Artfully arranging his bed and pillows, the nurse helped him sit upright, "The spoon is on your right Kakashi-san," she was whispering now, "I sneaked in a bowl of beef stock for your dog, too if that's all right."

In his famished state, he'd almost forgotten about Pakkun lying beside him. "I appreciate your consideration—Pakkun, what do you say when someone brings you food?"

"What," he gruffed," just stock and no meat?"

-000-

With Kotetsu, Izumo, and most of his groceries gone, Iruka could finally settle down and make sense of the jumbled notes spread before him. _I have enough information here to start my own archive, or at the very least enough to fill ten semesters worth of history lessons. _Armed with a fresh cup of coffee, and a fresh notepad of blank paper, Iruka waded out into the tranquil pond of information.

A half an hour later said pond was as a wind-tossed ocean and Iruka in dire need of a lifejacket.

"All right, he breathed, "I have to regroup, come at this thing a different way." His father used to tell him that it was possible for a person to eat an entire elephant, if he took it one bite at a time'. Disgusting imagery aside, Iruka realized he'd have to pick one family that intrigued him most, and focus his attention on them. _Easier said than done,_ each family's story was compelling.

_Many hands make light the load - that's it! _ "I could turn this thing into a class project," he muttered. Snatching a clean sheet of paper from his pad, Iruka jotted down the names of Konoha's six noble clans along with a one or two word descriptor.

Once sparked, inspiration ignited a wildfire of ideas. _Extra credit the incentive, _he wrote, _I can_ _divide the class into sections reinforcing the concept of teamwork… help students understand synergistic relationships amongst the clans. _ Leaning back in his chair, Iruka was about to congratulate himself when he saw that his plan had a major flaw; he'd need approval from the clan leaders and the Council of Elders before his project could get off the ground. That could take months, or years of appeasements and political maneuvering, in addition to the research he'd have to compile and repeatedly present.

_Maybe I'd do better if I start with a smaller clan. Hmm…that leaves the Hatake and the Sumimura._ His decision made, a torrent of questions inundated his mind faster than his pen could form into words_. Did the Hatake family still maintain a residence in the countryside? How many of them were still alive? Why in heaven's name would anyone name their child 'scarecrow'? _"Well," he laughingly said, "Kakashi-san does have that 'willowy wind-blown' look, he lives in isolation, despite being on constant public display, and he was frightening to his enemies, even at a distance. I guess it was an appropriate choice after all."

Gathering his notes, Iruka steered his thoughts to the most pressing matter; getting approval for his idea. _I'll be in the archives already, and I know where I can find Kakashi-sensei. If I put together a report and present it to him, there's a good chance he'll allow me to use the information for my classes. I should wait a few days before approaching Kakashi-san; heaven knows I don't want him to agree if he's flying high on painkillers. On second thought, maybe that would be the best time to get his approval._

Ice-cold reality abruptly doused Iruka's enthusiasm, "What was I thinking," he wondered aloud. "Getting that man to willingly provide information about anything is like pulling a hen's wisdom teeth."

_Well, if Kakashi-san refuses to go along with my idea, maybe I could ask him appeal to Taji-san on my behalf. I bet having her recount stories of fighting ayakashi would be an interesting way to kick off this project. Failing that, my __last and most desperate resort,_ _would be_ _Gai-sensei, who just might prove himself an untapped fount of knowledge. _ _Of course,_ _h__e's known Kakashi for years, which means he knows Taji-san as well, and – nah, _he shook his head;_ I don't have the strength for another conversation with Gai-sensei._

_-000-_

Kakashi was all set to drift off into a dreamless slumber land. His belly was full, and he'd had a not so relaxing, but cleansing bath. Tsunade almost split her sides earlier when he put in a request for a shapely young nurse to give him a sponge bath. She'd mumbled something about not wanting him to overtax himself, but insisted she had the perfect person in mind.

_That should have tipped him off right there, but trusting soul that he was… _

The nurse Tsunade assigned him was shapely all right, like a surprised puffer fish, according to Pakkun, and damn near as prickly. And, she was young - once. If memory served him correctly, this same woman was a fledgling medic the last time his father had a long hospital stay. Hatsumi Takahasi, she was just a brutal as he remembered. Still, he had to give credit where it was due. She might have been older than dirt, and her sponge baths were heartlessly thorough, but she gave great massages.

Feeling like a bowl full of over-cooked udon, Kakashi scrunched down under warm clean sheets and searched his memory for a much beloved dream. "Ah," he contentedly sighed, "There it is!" Just as his favorite heroine from Make-Out Paradise Volume One, and her heaving bosom was about to reach out and touch his very sensitive…

"At Last My Eternal Rival, You Have Been Freed From the Shackles Of A Near Comatose State!" Gai disrupted enthusiastically. "Fear Not My Rival, In Due Time We Shall Contend For The Mastery… "

_Dammit, dammit, dammit! I don't have enough chakra for a replacement jutsu, the rest of the pack took off with Taji, and Pakkun never viewed Gai as a threat. Think fast Kakashi! If you ignore him he'll keep talking, if you respond in any way, he'll keep talking. I have to do something unexpected and drastic!_

The jutsu Kakashi settled on was lethal in its efficacy; he was going to kick himself later for doing this, but there was no other choice.

Pulling the covers over his head, Kakashi happily and very loudly stated, "Thanks for checking on me buddy! You know, I was really looking forward to spending time talking with you, but I don't think I can keep my eyes open another minute. Think you can stop by for a visit tomorrow. Great, thanks Gai, you're the best friend I've ever had."

_Partial Truth, False Compliment no jutsu_…complete. It never failed to shock Gai into stunned silence.

In his lifetime, many people called Gai many things, Tai-jutsu master, loud, loyal…obtuse. None of these titles meant as much as his Eternal Rival call him "Friend."

Kakashi heard the spandex stretch when Gai's chest swelled to enormous proportions with pride, and the heat of a sunset behind Gai, warmed Kakashi's face behind the bandages and the covers. In addition, unless the sprinkler system had a slow leak, Kakashi couldn't help hearing the manly tears forming a puddle at Gai's feet.

"But of course," Gai said calmly, "I shall return by the light of the breaking day. Farewell my Worthy Rival!"

_I'm either really good or he's really slipping; I can't believe that worked! _

_-000-_

The last time Iruka visited the archives was two months ago, so its layout was still fresh in his mind. The first floor housed random, and extremely boring statistical data like population growth tables, manufacturing, and export data. _No doubt, I'll find the majority of generic information about the Hatake there. _The second floor was the storehouse of general information about civilian clans and their contributions to the village. Both the third and fourth floor archives contained data about shinobi families; it too was generic in nature, but sufficient to give new insights to his students. The fifth floor was off-limits to everyone except the Hokage or Council members; heavily armed guards patrolled the area twenty-four hours a day.

Convinced he'd find everything he needed on the lower floors, Iruka shoved his reorganized notes into a folder. "I'm not going to get anything done if I keep sitting here talking to inanimate objects" he announced to his notebook.

The first stop in his mad dash to the village center was the bedroom to wrestle his seditious dirty clothes into a bag. After a quick shower and shave, he decided wearing his duty uniform would probably get him waited on quicker at the archives, and well, it was the only thing he had that was clean.

Tucking a new notebook and a few pens into his satchel, he headed out for to the laundromat. In a shinobi village, civilians took great pride in adapting their schedules to accommodate those who were leaving on or returning from missions. They counted their small sacrifices of time and energy the least they could do for the people who kept them safe. The tinkling brass bell above the door suspended all conversation in the shop when Iruka ambled in.

"What a pleasant surprise Iruka-kun! I haven't seen you in ages," teased the congenial woman behind the counter.

Greetings, Rei-san, yes it has been a while."

"Are you about to leave on a mission Iruka-kun? Heavens, it's been years since you did that. Why, I distinctly remember the last time you…"

Iruka bit his lip in an effort to remain polite as she maundered on. _Now I remember why I stopped coming here in the first place. I could never get a word in edgewise with that woman. _

"Isamu" she called out, "Come quickly and see what the cat just dragged in; its Roka and Moanna's little boy, Iruka-kun."

_Oh good grief, this is going to take forever! Why does every elderly woman in the village feel obligated to pinch my cheeks before they try to fix me up with their nieces, or granddaughters?_

_-000-_

Regal messenger hawks would remain locked in their cages, denied the privilege of announcing this historic news to the nations. Neither would a jubilant throng congregate before the Hokage tower to bask in his victory today. Even without these things, Naruto's celebratory dance would be enough, for this was the best day of his young life. He'd somehow managed to land several unanswered hits on an obviously distracted Sasuke, who now lay in the dust of defeat. Making this even sweeter, Sakura seemed genuinely impressed, or maybe she was just daydreaming; she smiled in Naruto's general direction and that was good enough for him.

Sasuke… poor little fella, was sprawled spread-eagled on a rather uncomfortable looking patch of dirt, his cheeks the color of cayenne peppers, and temper nearly as hot. "Shut up loser!" You just got lucky, it means nothing!"

If it were possible, Naruto's dance of victory dance intensified. "Face it teme, I'm just good," he yelled. "Deal with it!"

Sasuke rolled to his side, struggling to conceal a wince of pain; I_ can't believe I let myself get run over by a_ _bunch of shadow clones!_ "This is all, Sakura's fault," he said to the pile of pebbles near his elbow. "Stupid girls waving around stupid bunches of flowers, she diverted my attention. _Thank goodness, Kakashi wasn't here to witness this; he'd probably make some wisecrack, or worse, he'd say something encouraging._

The rhythmically challenged Naruto was still cavorting about and consequently missed his rival's deliberate ascent. _Thank Kami for small favors_, Sasuke thought; _I don't want to deal with Naruto laughing me to scorn right now, or Sakura fawning over me._

Mercifully, Sakura was lost in her own little world. She asked the poises she held in a death grip, "Which one of you would Kakashi-sensei like better?"

Irritated beyond words, Sasuke fired off one of the most incensed looks he could muster, but Sakura didn't seem to care. _How dare she ignore the Uchiha Glare of Smoldering Rage!_ "What are you yammering about over there Sakura?"

She didn't go to the trouble of looking his way, choosing instead to tell the flowers, "We're going to visit Kakashi-sensei at the hospital, and I thought it would be nice if we brought along something to cheer him up."

The ringing in his ears was getting louder, and Sasuke couldn't understand why the ground kept swelling up like an ocean at high tide. "Yeah, well I don't know what you and the dobe are doing," he sneered, "But count me out! The only place I'm going is home!" He would have stormed off in a huff, but decided against it; the very thought of moving too fast was making him queasy.

Naruto stopped dancing long enough to wander over, "You know I'd be happy to go with you Sakura, but I can't. I promised to meet Iruka-sensei for ramen, and you know how much he looks forward to that." He turned to catch up with Sasuke to taunt him a bit more, "See you later Sakura!"

Sakura remained kneeling serenely by the clump of wildflowers, as the boys bickered nearby. Suddenly her fist shattered the parched ground. The explosive sound and crumbling earth made the retreating boys scramble to avoid the rapidly spreading crater beneath their feet.

"We are a team," she growled, "and **we** **are** going to visit our team leader – got it?"

"What's with her?" Naruto whispered, "She been sitting in the sun too long?" He shrugged his shoulders; _girls are weird._

Sasuke jumped over a smaller fissure and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. _First, our sensei ends up in the hospital, and now one of my teammates has gone absolutely bonkers._ _What have I ever done to deserve this? _

Sakura's eyes seemed to sway in harmony with the undulating flowers; she sounded further detached from reality when she spoke, "I let you morons drag me outta my house on a Sunday morning to watch you pummel each other when I could have been doing something constructive. I say it's time we did something I want to do. Now come on, we're going to the hospital, and don't give me any lip!"

The angry rictus disappeared from her face as quickly as it appeared; her voice had fluidly returned to normal when she asked, "Now, which color flowers do you think Kakashi-sensei will like best; the blue ones, the white ones, or the yellow ones?"

Taken aback, neither boy responded, both of them afraid their next words might be their last words.

Maybe it was the influence of the slight concussion he had, but Sakura's display of brute force duly impressed Sasuke. _Going to visit Kakashi was sounding better with each passing second; at least I'll be somewhere I can get prompt medical attention if needed._

Naruto on the other hand was scared witless; _Are all girls this schizophrenic or is it just her? _"We like whichever flowers you like Sakura," he gulped.

-000-

Having escaped the laundry without a blind date or bruised cheeks, Iruka heaved a sigh of relief. The Archive building was straight ahead, and the information he sought was ripe for plundering. One of the staff, an elderly civilian woman, greeted him cordially when he dashed in. Iruka recognized this little lady as one of the most loquacious people in the village, second only to Gai. _All I want is a few uninterrupted hours to do some research, is that asking too much?_

"And how are you today Iruka-kun?" she asked sweetly.

"I'm well thank you Misao-san," he jauntily replied. _Please, please, please, don't ask me about_….

"How is my grandson doing in school?" she chirped. "You know, he's such a good boy, smart as a whip, and he's always talking about his Iruka-sensei," she smiled toothlessly.

Iruka didn't have the heart to tell her the boy was the biggest klutz he'd seen in years, and a Grade-A dunderhead to boot, even his individual tutoring wasn't helping. Of course, he smiled graciously, shifting from foot-to-foot while she searched for the passkey he needed.

"Little Shoda-kun is—umm-a very hard-worker." Iruka's sore cheeks were beginning to spasm as he tried to smile normally.

"Well, I won't keep you any longer Iruka-kun; I can see you're here on official business. Now what did I do with that darn passkey?"

Jumping over the counter to help her look for it might be overkill, but it was starting to sound like a good idea.

"Oh silly me," she chuckled after a fruitless ten minute search, "I put the darn thing right here in my pocket so I wouldn't have to look for it."

"No trouble at all," he politely quibbled, "it's always a pleasure speaking with you Misao-san." With the key clutched tightly in his sweaty palm, Iruka bounded up the stairs to the second floor archives.

-000-

Kakashi, restless now, tossed and turned as much as his bum leg allowed. Despite the earlier massage and the warm food, he still couldn't relax. _Thanks a lot Gai. _Images from that last mission fluttered through the landscape of his unengaged mind; three very capable opponents rushed me, they were too quick, something slashed through my flak vest. Abdomen was on fire, had to keep fighting, but too weak, one important sense shut down; I can't see!

He bolted upright, _what if this condition is permanent, what the hell am I supposed to do then?_

"Boss?" he heard Pakkun say, "What's the matter with you; are you having a nightmare?"

Folding his arms across his chest, Kakashi sneered, "I don't wanna talk about it Pakkun. And what the hell are you still doing here?"

After a jaw popping yawn, the little pug groaned, "Taji-san's holding me here with her chakra. She made me stay behind to keep you company and to keep an eye on you because we're both supposed to be recovering. You know what a waste of time it is arguing with her, so here I am."

_Her tenacity must come from her grandmother's side of the family. _"Well, just be quiet will ya, I'd like to get some sleep."

"Why'd they seal your chakra Boss?"

_This damn nosy mutt, what part of 'be quiet' didn't he understand? _Kakashi was actively fidgeting, and clearly not in the mood for psychoanalysis by his summon. "Tsunade wants me to rest so my chakra can restore itself naturally-you know the drill."

"You're not going to get any rest as angry as you are now." Pakkun was shifting around to get comfortable. "Sure you don't wanna talk about it?"

It was times like this that he truly hated how well Taji knew him. She was no bush-league manipulator, yet this attempt was so transparent, it was almost preposterous. She was giving him permission, such as it was, to work out the vitriol eating away at his thoughts.

Patently losing the battle with mounting frustration, Kakashi's tone took on a cutting edge, "There's nothing to talk about Pakkun, I just wanna get the hell outta here and go home."

"Look Boss, I know you can't see, but it's a temporary thing." Having found that one comfortable area in the mattress, Pakkun irascibly added, "Try to think of this situation as an opportunity to practice your other skills, like stretching out your senses, or something."

Gritting his teeth, Kakashi retorted angrily, "You're not helping as much as you think. It takes too much chakra to do that, which I don't have access to at present…"

"So are you mad that your chakra is sealed or because ...?"

The rage boiling in his chest spontaneously overflowed and out gushed the dismay of his body's betrayal, the niggling concerns about his further usefulness to the village, and his failure to live up to the standards he'd set for himself. "How would you feel if you couldn't see Pakkun, tell me that why don't you!" He'd sliced to the heart of the matter faster than a sharp katana through a rice paper screen. It felt good, but did nothing to change his circumstances.

Pakkun, neither put off, nor overawed by Kakashi's ire, calmly replied, "I'd be pissed, but I'd learn to hone my other senses to compensate. Your brain still works, your leg will heal, and your vision will return Kakashi. Hearing, smell, touch, taste, you still got those too."

"Yeah, well ...whatever," came the flippant remark.

"You didn't return to the village in a body bag, so stop your whining you ungrateful brat!" Pakkun was standing now, his paws lightly resting on Kakashi's chest, his beef-flavored breath coming in waves, "You never shied away from hard training to improve your skills before, so don't start now! Get your addled brain in gear and start making plans to overcome this setback instead of complaining about it! "

_Damn! I hate his little pep talks! _

_NOTES:_

Rei means "Polite, or well behaved."

Isamu means, "Vigorous, robust, energetic."

Hatsumi means, "Firstborn beauty."

If the real names of Iruka's mother and father names were mentioned in canon, I missed it. In the meantime, I decided to name them Roka and Moanna. Roka (Iruka's dad) means "White crest of the wave." Moanna (Iruka's mom) name means "Ocean."

Misao means "Fidelity, loyalty.

Shoda means, "Flat, level field."


	11. I'm Who and You're What? Pt2

_Last time…_

"You didn't return to the village in a body bag, so stop whining you ungrateful brat!" Pakkun was standing now, his paws lightly resting on Kakashi's chest, his beef-flavored breath coming in waves, "You never backed away from hard training to improve your skills before, so don't start now! Get your addled brain in gear and start making plans to overcome this setback instead of complaining about it! "

_Damn! I hate his little pep talks! _

Thanks in part to Gai's untimely and unwelcome visit, not to mention Pakkun's meaty motivational speech, every ounce of massage induced, full-bellied, relaxation was nothing more than a fond memory. _I've been in worst circumstances than this and I survived. Just a few more days and things should return to my kind of normal._

Soaring optimism crashed landed three seconds later as he gave 'circumstances' a cursory examination. The small amount of chakra he had available was enough to keep him alive and not much else, so a daring physical escape was out of the question. His usual mental diversions like reading or people watching weren't practical either. Lastly, recounting his favorite passages from Jiraya's works might help him relax, but then again, that might also cause more- embarrassing complications.

Too paranoid to ask for a sleeping draught, Kakashi scrooched down with his peculiarly unfriendly bedfellows; rising anxiety and multiplying wariness. Catching forty winks stretched along the scaly boughs of a tree was child's play, yet here in this white-walled chamber of solitude and sterility, it was nigh unto impossible. It was with a hint of spite then that he unsympathetically slung the heavy covers over his slumbering dog; Pakkun simply snored louder in retaliation.

_Maybe a moderate form of physical activity will tire me enough to pass out. _ Inch by inch, Kakashi slid his hand over the sheets gingerly searching for the guardrail's release mechanism. Slender fingers crept between the narrow slats and for his efforts, he received an instant reward; agonizing pain shot from his palm to his shoulder blade. _Okay, that wasn't a good idea. _Gnashing his teeth in frustration, he bitterly flopped himself against the pillows.

_The unbelievable has finally happened. Hatake Kakashi, the man who elevated vigilant indolence to an art form is bored out of his skull. Wait a minute! Taji always weaves a key into her seals in case of emergency; I just have to calm down and concentrate._

When deep breathing exercises and other meditative techniques failed to yield the desired results, Kakashi was at the end of his rope. Adding to his distress was an extremely loud and familiar chakra signature pacing outside his door. "You might as well come on in Gai," he heavily sighed. "I can hear your eyebrows growing together out there."

"Ah my rival," Gai quieted himself as he entered, "I am thrilled that I did not disturb your restful repose. Please forgive me for returning ahead of the appointed time, but your perfectly executed cool dismissal made me forget the urgent matter I wanted to discuss earlier. Well played My Noble Rival."

From the moment he stepped inside the room, Kakashi knew something was amiss. _What could have happened to transform the perpetually sanguine Gai into this unrecognizable demoralized lump? _

Sagely quarantining his own misgivings, Kakashi gestured in the approximate direction of the dreaded visitor's chair, making sure to throw off a distinctly uninterested vibe. "Make it quick Gai," he suspired propping against his pillows, "I'd like to take a nap before sundown."

An oppressive silence the size of a concrete retaining wall descended between them as Gai paused to collect his thoughts. Heaving out a melancholy breath as he drew the rickety aluminum chair closer to Kakashi's bedside, Gai and his palpable disquiet flopped down heavily. "I'm afraid I have distressing news to share Kakashi. This concerns Taji-san."

Unable to decipher the subtle changes in Gai's expressive face coupled with the solemn inflection of his voice, Kakashi was understandably twitchy. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen…_felt _Gai this distraught. This_ can't be good. Had Taji finally committed an act so heinous that she'd broken the man's spirit? _

"Are you sure you're not blowing this situation out of proportion Gai? I mean, it not like this was the first time Taji's knocked you unconscious and left you tied up somewhere."

"No, my Astute Rival," came the swift and oddly calm assertion. "This is more serious than Taji's normal energetic antics." Another dramatic sigh accompanied the nervous tapping of his foot. "When I came to visit you last night, Iruka-sensei was here."

_That's weird, why would Iruka-sensei visit me? Oh right, he must have tagged along with my team._ "So what's the big deal Gai? This is a hospital, people tend to congregate here to visit the sick and injured."

Another long pause, and then Gai finally mumbled, "Iruka-sensei and I left the hospital together… we had a rather interesting conversation." Gai's breathing rate hitched signaling the commencement of a long-winded monologue or a cascade of manly tears. His words spilled out as rushing waters, "I fear Iruka-sensei has… amorous longings for Taji-san. Is that not Most Disturbing?"

The tinny squeak of metal bending beneath Gai's fingers as he gripped the sides of the chair's seat, forced a laugh from Kakashi's tightly clenched lips.

"You realize if you snap that thing in half, they'll take it out of my paycheck. Relax Gai, I agree this is disturbing news, or it should be for Iruka-sensei. That poor bastard, he'll be scarred for life if you're right about this. Besides, even if Iruka-sensei has these umm-feelings, we both know Taji's quite capable of spurning unwanted advances."

Gai dolefully shook his head, "You are a wise man, yet there are many things you do not understand Kakashi. Unlike the brave Iruka-sensei and I, you, valiantly defend your heart against true love as if it were an S-ranked enemy. It is for this reason that you have never known the wondrous pain of unrequited love my friend."

Kakashi rolled his heavily bandaged eyes.

"…I have faced many formidable opponents on the field of battle Kakashi and no matter how powerful or skilled, in the end, they all yielded to my magnificent tai-jutsu and youthful dynamism. But how am I to compete with Iruka-sensei's extraordinary ordinariness?"

Unrequited love and physical combat…only Gai could meld these dissimilar things into one. Realization dawned slowly; _Gai equated brawling with Taji with expressing affection for her and Iruka-sensei's passing interest made him jump to a ridiculous conclusion. _Kakashi lightly rebuked him, "You're talking out the side of your neck Gai. Taji would never let anyone take your place as her sparring partner. Besides, however strong he may be, Iruka-sensei, and his ordinariness could never withstand the abuse Taji pours out on you."

At once, Gai sat taller in his seat. The wellspring of manly tears dried up, and the unmistakable 'ping' of flawless teeth bounced off every flat surface in the room.

"I am relieved by your confidence, yet disheartened that the bold flame of Iruka-sensei's ardor must be quenched. Kakashi, as the head of your clan and a fellow shinobi, it falls to you to warn Iruka-sensei of the dangers of this youthful crush." The missing spark of enthusiasm returned as he dared ask, "Would you permit me to break this news to him?"

Kakashi stifled a laugh, "That won't be necessary. What say we both get some rest and talk about this tomorrow?"

"I cannot rest My Esteemed Rival," Gai exhaled gloomily. "You must promise me you will do everything in your power to dissuade Iruka-sensei from this futile endeavor."

Kakashi's head lolled to the side with an exaggerated sigh. "I'll warn him Gai; just leave me alone-please?"

The sound of metal sliding over linoleum confirmed Gai's imminent departure, "Farewell, My Magnanimous Rival! Until The Light of a New Dawn Breaks Forth!"

"Whatever Gai," he snapped, "Just get out of here."

Scarcely muffled snickers escaped from under the covers and Pakkun poked his head out to tease, "Iruka-sensei has a thing for Taji-san? He's not that crazy … is he?"

_-000-_

The authoritative baritone of the burly hawk-masked ANBU resonated down the corridor, "I'm sorry ma'am Lady Tsunade is not receiving visitors presently. If you'd kindly take your request to the mission office, they will be happy to assist you."

Her stride unbroken, Taji smiled respectfully and continued moving steadily toward the man. His partner, wearing an emblazoned boar mask, stood straighter, his hand resting on the hilt of the katana between his shoulder blades.

Reiterating his order, the first ANBU stridently uttered, "Excuse me ma'am, I said the Hokage is not receiving visitors. Should you come any closer, it will be considered an act of hostility and I will have to use force."

Taji appreciatively eyed the tall, sinewy young man, "I do like my men assertive ANBU-san," she told him with a lascivious leer. "What a pity I don't have time to play with you right now." Still smiling, Taji halted long enough to point toward both men's feet whispering, "Hōi, Jōso, Ketsu."

Neither ANBU detected an illusion technique, yet they were unable to take two steps forward or backward without slamming into an invisible, yet extremely solid wall. Though muted, Taji plainly heard one of the men shout, "What the hell is this?"

Slipping between the discomposed guards, she courteously said, "This shouldn't take long. Don't you boys go away now, you hear?"

Behind the massive desk littered with textbooks, anatomical diagrams and various other unfurled scrolls, a disgruntled Tsunade snorted, "I don't have time for any of your foolishness Taji." Over the scratching sound of pen meeting paper she barked, "And for Kami's sake woman, release my guards on your way out!"

Taji's grin broadened, "Why Tsunade-hime, if I didn't know better I might think you weren't happy to see me." Gesturing at the cluttered desktop, she beamed, "Wait till I tell my grandmother you're hitting the books instead of the sake bottle; she'll be so proud."

Tsunade's rapidly twitching eyebrow let Taji know she'd struck a nerve. "Kai" Taji gleefully said, "It's done, you happy now?"

A pronounced thump followed by language not intended for genteel company, made both women laugh quietly. Tsunade narrowly concealed her mirth, as the clawed glove fumbled with the door; the hawk mask peeked in stammering, "I'm sorry Lady Tsunade, we couldn't stop her!"

Tsunade gave a small grunt of exasperation, "It's all right ANBU-san, resume your post." Leaning back in her chair, Tsunade suspiciously eyed the smaller woman. "I trust you didn't come all the way here just to embarrass my guards, so what do you want?"

"I have two very simple requests, Tsunade-hime."

"Then I'll save you the trouble Taji," came the hostile response, "No and Hell No! Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

-000-

_How could this be possible?_ A major contributor to the village's revenues had not a single shred of information available for public purview. Had Kotetsu over exaggerated the prominence of the Hatake clan? _Wait a minute. Is it possible that one or more members of the clan perpetrated an act of treason?_ _Have I stumbled upon some type of cover up? _"That would partially explain the absence of information," he muttered to himself.

A quick scan of the Uchiha clan nixed that idea. With the exception of Itachi, every member of the clan had a small biographical outline on file. _Is it possible that I'm looking in the wrong place? After all, the Hatake were a civilian clan for the most part…hmm_.

Iruka doubled back to the first floor where he found numerous references to the village's largest agricultural producer and exporter. Though the Hatake name didn't figure conspicuously in those reports, Iruka was convinced he'd hit on something. _Aside from the Hokage's personal archives, information of that nature is probably on the fifth floor._

Dumping out his satchel on a nearby table, Iruka frantically searched for a specific notebook, one keyed to his chakra to obscure his writings. Like a fanatical architect, he sat down to draw up a preliminary sketch for one of the most outrageous things he would ever attempt. Despite never having seen the physical layout of the top floor, Iruka jotted down what he did know to be true.

The fifth floor was the repository of data accessed only under two conditions; arranged marriages between clans, or during jounin candidate selections. Neither of those situations was in play. Because it also contained sensitive information, it was under constant surveillance by a heavily armed guard; _I'm sure I can get around that with a little creative thinking._ Iruka knew most of the people assigned to this security detail, they were chunnin like him, and he'd probably handed the guards on duty the mission scroll personally. _In case I get myself busted, I might be able to talk my out of trouble. _"If I can't dazzle them with brilliance," he chuckled, "I'm sure I can baffle them with B.S."

Reality tapped him on the shoulder before delivering a swift kick squarely to his butt. _Who am I kidding? My clearance isn't high enough to step foot on the fifth floor, let alone skim through those documents. If I dared ask the_ _Hokage's permission, she'd probably hand me over to Ibiki for questioning. _

Nope, the direct approach was definitely not going to work.

"Gathering information by deceptive means is the lifeblood of the ninja," Iruka often told his classes. "Doing it well meant the difference between a mission's success and failure." Again, reality dealt him a blow. In the course of a mission, breaking and entering into a forbidden area was acceptable, even winked at. _Breaking and entering a restricted area to satisfy my curiosity would be much harder to justify. _

The devious part of Iruka's brain snidely egged him on, whispering, "As the greatest prankster Konoha ever produced, you used to be the master of slipping into and out of places without a trace. You're a tad rusty, but if anybody could get away with something like this, it's you." He hadn't contemplated something this foolhardy in years, and the undeniable adrenaline rush of taking such a calculated risk was proving too hard to resist. Fortunately, the logical part of him screamed, "What, are you insane? You could go to jail!"

True, his notes lacked substantive evidence that he could pull this thing off, but he felt as if a greater force was compelling him. Leaving his notes and a decent chunk of his better judgment lying on the table, Iruka made his way towards the restroom. No time to entertain second thoughts, he produced a shadow clone to take his place while he located the nearest stairwell.

Skulking along dimly lit steps, Iruka dampened his chakra levels to those of a hopelessly lost civilian. When finally he reached the entrance to the top floor, his logical mind pled, "There's still time to go back, don't be a fool Umino!" From deep within his subconscious, a single damnable word exploded, "Chicken."

As expected, the locked entrance to the fifth floor, like an ironclad chastity belt, denied him the satisfaction of admittance. That alone should have made him turn around.

"A good ninja is a prepared ninja," was something else he always told his classes; that was damn good advice. Quietly combing through his utility pouch his fingertips brushed against the cool steel of his trusty lock picks. He assumed the hallway guards would come running once the lock's tumblers clicked; they didn't. When the door creaked open quietly, no alarms sounded and he couldn't detect chakra signatures in the vicinity, nor was any genjutsu in place.

Another quick sweep of the area before he stepped across the threshold, revealed no booby-traps. Nevertheless, he approached with utmost caution.

Before his surprised eyes stood the final barrier to the prize he sought - a massive steel door with bright red RESTRICTED ACCESS signs on either side of it. Iruka was practically salivating. Furtively moving across the corridor, his sweaty fingers grasped the cool metal handle; he pressed his shoulder to the portal and pushed.

Neglected hinges squeaked their objections as he forced them to serve their intended purpose; the noise set his teeth on edge. The faint skittering sounds of tiny mice paws, fleeing the sliver of light sent shivers along his backbone. Dusty cobwebs reached out, entwining their silvery fingers in his hair and clothing, drawing him closer. The crackle and hum of infrequently operated florescent lights irradiated the room with a strobe light effect. As his eyes adjusted, long rows of shelving, filled with yellowed scrolls of antiquity beguiled him to uncover their secrets. Tantalizingly close, yet so far out of his reach.

Breathing in the musty smell of old parchment and stagnant air was akin to a mental orgasm for an avowed bibliophile like Iruka. Making the most of an unknown timeframe took top priority; he'd savor the afterglow later.

-000-

Tsunade struggled to maintain her composure; alas, it was a battle she was destined to fail. "Don't I have enough to contend with as it is Taji? Your grandmother's convinced I need remedial training, Kakashi's team is going to be with a leader for an undetermined amount of time, and now you want me to do what?"

With a smile as sweet and lethal as cyanide, Taji's voice lowered, "Look, we can only keep him away from his Eternal Rival for so long with flimsy excuses and expertly tied knots. I simply need you to reallocate a few of your resources to keep Gai away from Kakashi long enough for him to fully recuperate."

Tsunade was seconds away from bodily removing from her sight. "If you think I'm about to rearrange my shinobi duty rosters to accommodate one of your idiotic whims," she raged, "You're crazier than even I imagined. Get the hell out of my office Taji before I have you confined to the psych ward!"

"All right then, let me appeal to you as a physician. Surely, you understand the important role environment plays in a patient's recovery time. I dare say, environment can be conducive or detrimental to a patient's mental health as well, so won't you at least consider my plan from that aspect?"

By this point, Tsunade's own mental health was hanging by a thread, "Stop blowing smoke up my butt Taji," she snarled," Make your damn point and get the hell out of here!"

Some people don't know how to leave well enough alone. "It's not a whim, it's a fact." Taji's hand fell across the pages of an open textbook, "You know how Kakashi is, he gets antsy and dammed resourceful when he has nothing to occupy his mind. It won't be long before he starts sneaking off for training earlier than he should. The next thing you know he'll be in the hospital again due to overexertion; he'll remain idle for a longer time, and then we're back to square one."

Tsunade clutched her head as the symptoms of a powerful migraine stirred to life. "Didn't you seal his chakra like I asked you to?"

"Of course, I did, but you know how well that works. He always manages to undo the seal and …"

"Yeah, I know exactly how it works, and if you stopped keying the damn things, maybe it would be harder for him to get himself into so much mischief."

Taji smiled slyly, "Tsunade-hime, don't overthink this, just work with me for once in your life why don't ya? Now, here's what I need you to do…"

TBC…

NOTES:

"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull***t," is a very old military expression.

Hoi, Joso, Ketsu are the building blocks of the spell which create kekkai:

_Hoi_, designates the target, be it ayakashi or human. _Joso_, designates where the kekkai or barrier will be erected. A kekkai can either have controlled coordinates or controlled conditions. A kekkai with controlled coordinates can't be moved once erected, whereas, a kekkai with controlled conditions is capable of movement.

_Ketsu_ is the command that brings the kekkai into existence. Kekkai can be large, small, narrow, or wide depending on the caster's skill level and size of target.

_Kai_ means "release. If the ayakashi or human isn't a threat, the caster can release it without harm. However, if the target is dangerous, _Metsu_ is the command that collapses the kekkai, crushing an ayakashi to pieces or asphyxiating a human target. Once destroyed, the kekkaishi opens a portal to another dimension with the command, _Tenketsu_. This prevents an ayakashi from regenerating itself from the fragments. With human targets, the kekkaishi physically moves the remains to another location, incinerates the remains to a crisp, or pulverizes them to dust.


	12. Flat Out Caught Out

**_"Encountering suspicion, the ninja prepares quickly…hesitation leads to disaster." _**I'll give virtual chocolate chip cookies to anybody who can name the Naruto episode where this quote comes from. Virtual cake and ice cream goes to the persons who can tell me who said it.

* * *

_Last time…_

Tsunade clutched her head as the symptoms of a powerful migraine stirred to life, "Didn't you seal his chakra like I asked you to?"

"Of course, I did, but you know how well that works. The little bugger always manages to undo the seal and-"

"Yeah, I know exactly how it works, and if you stopped keying the damn things, maybe it would be harder for him to get himself into so much mischief."

Taji smiled slyly, "Tsunade-hime, don't overthink this, just work with me for once in your life why don't ya? Now, here's what I need you to do…"

-000-

Seven hesitant steps inside the forbidden zone, his itchy, disbelieving eyes widened in amazement, and Iruka froze in his tracks. Standing proudly to his left were three massive shelving units, each filled to the brim with scrolls and bound books embellished with the same symbol he'd seen on Taji's clothing. Upon closer inspection, he made out the silhouette of a gray wolf's head superimposed against a full moon; sheaves of wheat bordered the image. _That's it all right. _Beneath the icon, exquisitely precise strokes of a skilled calligrapher's hand boldly spelled out the name… HATAKE.

Luck, that most capricious of all the fates, had at last favored his efforts.

Afraid to blink or breathe lest this be a mirage, Iruka retreated until the seam of the cold steel door pressed against his spine. Slowly sliding downward, his heels were the only things separating him from the concrete floor when his knees refused to keep him upright. Luck may have been on his side, but time wasn't. Before he could determine his next move, the words of a familiar adage whispered from the recesses of his mind; _**encountering suspicion, the ninja prepares quickly…hesitation leads to disaster.**_

_If I hesitate, I might not have another chance to get the information, and if I move too quickly, I might run straight into a trap. _

Once again, luck intervened; situated as low as he was, he noticed that each shelf had an alarmed ward running along its underside. Had he taken one more step closer to the shelves, he would have been in chakra cuffs and sitting in a detention cell before he could draw another breath. As if that weren't enough, every document bore the personal seal of the Sandaime Hokage. _Well, if that don't beat all get out…I finally found what I was looking for, and now I can't do a damn thing with it. _

Painfully rising to his feet, he darkly muttered, "I guess I should have known better. Discovering truth about Hatake Kakashi was bound to be as difficult as finding three grains of white sand in a salt mine."

-000-

Taji had that look about her, like a wily horse trader trying to pass off a sway-backed nag as a prized stallion. "You wouldn't recognize a sure thing if it walked up and introduced itself," she laughed. "No wonder you're the worst gambler in the known world." Taking advantage of an empty corner of the desk, Taji rested her hip against it, "I'm telling you Tsunade, this is a win-win situation for everyone concerned. Gai gets something to hold over Kakashi's head, you get an honest week's worth of work out of Genma, and Kakashi's team gets supervision and rigorous training. What more could you ask for?"

Absently chewing at her thumbnail as she weighed the benefits and risks associated with Taji's scheme, Tsunade was at a loss. If she went along with this farce, she knew it would eventually boomerang and bite her on the butt in the long run. If she refused, she'd never get Taji out of her office. She went with the third option, angry misdirection. "Do I look as crazy as you sound right now? Because if you seriously believe I'd go along with something this ridiculous, you need more help than I can give you."

"Tsunade, if you calm down, you'd see that …"

Unopened scrolls flew off the desk when she wildly gestured, "I'd hate to destroy a perfectly functional door by throwing you through it, so I suggest you leave while you have the chance Taji."

Looking as if she were about to rend her garments, Taji meekly lowered her head, "Really, insults and threats of violence? Out of the goodness of my heart, I was trying to make your life easier. And this is how you repay my generosity?"

Had Tsunade possessed a heart more compassionate, or a slower mind, she might have fallen under the sway of the pitiful look and offended air Taji affected. Fortunately, she had neither. "Your drama coach owes you a refund and you…"

"Besides, if I leave now you won't get to hear the best part of my plan." Leaning even closer to the scowling Hokage, she said, "I can personally guarantee Kakashi's speedy recovery and as an added bonus, my grandmother will be so happy, you might not have to see her again for another twenty years."

In the thoughtful silence that followed, Tsunade's brow smoothed, her eyes closed in wistful contemplation, and then… she remembered to whom she was speaking. "My eyes are starting to water with all this manure you're spreading around. What are you getting out of this deal?"

Flipping a page or two through some anatomical diagrams, Taji shrugged, "All I want is a pleasant distraction to keep me amused while I'm forced to babysit Kakashi. You've practically sentenced me to house arrest with one of the worst patients known to modern medicine; indulge me a little Tsunade."

Tiny cracks spider webbed beneath her palms as Tsunade gripped the sides of her desk, "This is the last time I'm going to say this Taji. I'll not waste my resources for your amusement."

Taji's wry smile made its triumphant reappearance, "Then, why don't you try looking at this as an investment? Surely you agree I've selected the best candidate for the job and …"

The high-backed chair crashed into the wall behind her with explosive force when Tsunade abruptly stood, "Dammit Taji! I have patients to see, a wheelbarrow full of paperwork to finish, and visiting dignitaries to entertain. Will I have to kill you in order to get you out my office?"

"Whoa, there's no need to get snippy. A simple 'yes' will suffice."

"GET OUT!"

-000-

Holed up in the bottom of the stairwell, sweaty and disillusioned, Iruka solemnly vowed never again to let curiosity drive him to such extremes. _Just need…a few minutes to catch my breath… put on…an innocent expression. _Through the tiny window of the stairwell door, Iruka caught sight of Misao walking toward him; her eyesight dimmed by age, he was certain she hadn't seen him. Gripped by the sudden urge to laugh aloud, he bit down on his fist to stifle the sound; _wouldn't that be ironic if I'd eluded detection by a highly trained shinobi guard, only to be busted by a doddering old woman?_ It was obvious she'd just come from his worktable, and as suddenly as the laughter had come, the entire weight of his indiscretion crashed down around him. The clone's memories rushing over him did nothing to assuage his guilt.

He'd anticipated a visit from Misao, and carefully planned for that inevitability; what he hadn't foreseen was the impact her trusting smile would have on him. Through his clone's eyes, Iruka smiled at her clumsy attempts to glance over his shoulder, as she inanely nattered on about her _unattached_ great niece that Iruka simply had to meet. _Civilians, they're clueless when it comes to stealth._

Gnarled fingers rested lightly on his shoulder, "You're such a dear for listening to the rambling of an old woman. Oh, that's right; I came by in the first place to tell you that the archives close in thirty minutes." Another twinge of guilt poked him in the gut when she rubbed circles on the doppelganger's back, "Such a polite and nice young man. Talking with you always restores my faith in the younger generation," she laughed. "I hope it won't be so long before I see you again Iruka-kun."

Making a beeline for his workstation, Iruka hurriedly repacked his satchel, and in doing so, a photo presumably of Misao's great niece, slid from one of his notebooks. _Obviously, I underestimated the craftiness of a matchmaking granny. Good gravy, the poor kid's hideous! No wonder she's still single._

Shielding his eyes from the afternoon sun, Iruka stepped onto the crowded plaza, breathing in a lungful of freedom. He'd done the impossible although he wasn't sure whether to congratulate himself or keep looking over his shoulder for the rest of life.

_Better add calamine lotion to my grocery list_, he idly thought as a smattering of spider bites on his forearm made their presence known. Gentle late afternoon breezes failed to dislodge some of the persistent dust motes clinging to his hair; after a hot shower and a bracing cup or two of sake, it would no longer matter to him

Something that couldn't be shaken off were the tendrils of an uncharacteristic blue funk twisting around him like a weed.

Remorse and a boatload of unanswered questions dogged his slow, steady footsteps toward the village's center. _What possible reason could there be for locking away information about the Hatake clan?_ _What had they done to deserve such honor, or infamy? _ _I still don't understand how I slipped past security and entered a forbidden area without discovery or apprehension._ _This type of laxity is a threat to the village's security, but I can't report it without incriminating myself. What am I supposed to do now?_

Just then his overzealous conscience piped up, "**_Do you realize how close you came to jeopardizing your own reputation, and your career?_**"Iruka's chin nearly scraped the top of his breastbone, when the analytical part of his mind added, "_**Inquisitiveness is the hallmark of a good educator, but this thing is bordering on a full-blown fixation. Why are you so determined to get your hands on this information?"**_ As if there weren't enough guests at this impromptu pity party, 'Iruka the rascal' whispered, "_**There has to be a legitimate, and less dangerous way to get this information; Kotetsu's still an option…"**_

"Enough!" he shouted as startled civilians scuttled away from him. _My hair is going to turn greyer than Kakashi's if I keep thinking about this! I swear to Kami, if I never hear his name again in life, it will be too freakin' soon!_

_-000-_

"I don't care what you say 'Zumo, they looked more like ragamuffins than the dignitaries I'm used to seeing."

Izumo continued to fill out a stack of paperwork about the new arrivals, "How many times are we gonna go over this 'Tetsu'? They're from an impoverished village, and they're coming here to negotiate an agricultural alliance with Konohagakure …"

"Yeah, well they still look suspicious to me," Kotetsu huffed.

"Use your head for more than a hat rack man! How much trouble can they possibly get into with ANBU escorting them around, and tracking their every movement?"

"All I know is these bastards from Kusagakure are sneaky. I've heard they use intermediation as a ruse to collect intelligence. With all this unease between Suna and us, it never hurts to be overly cautious. Who knows what lengths the Sand Village would go to in order to put us in a trick bag?"

_-000-_

The panicked shout of his name vaguely roused Iruka from his annoying internal monologue; _that sounded like Sasuke. _Flagging him down in a most atypically animated manner, the lone Uchiha's voice acted as a compass for his cohorts, "Oi, Iruka-sensei, we're over here!"

It was the second screech of his name that jettisoned through the last of his pensiveness; this voice carried an equal amount of panic mixed with relief, "Boy, am I glad to see you Iruka-sensei!" _Yep, that was definitely Naruto._ Seeing the kids immediately buoyed his spirits, but whenever Naruto sounded that stressed, Iruka knew he had precious seconds remaining to steady himself against a flying tackle of gratitude. His heavy satchel hit the ground with a dull thud a split second before orange covered arms wrapped around his neck.

Finding himself surrounded by a gaggle of awkwardly grinning genin was a routine occurrence, but with these three, Iruka was immediately and justifiably suspicious. Having Naruto cling to him like cheap plastic wrap was normal, but for Sasuke to grab hold of anyone he wasn't fighting, that was surely a harbinger of the apocalypse.

Both Sasuke and Naruto were sporting identical '_don't look at me, I didn't do it'_ looks as they hung onto to him for dear life, troublesome, yes but it was Sakura's appearance that worried him most. She was dazed and unkempt, her clothing grass stained, and her knuckles showed signs of bruising. _What kind of training were they doing this afternoon?_

"Naruto, Sasuke," his voice rough with cynicism, "What's going on here, and what have you guys done to Sakura?"

Intently glowering at his own feet, Sasuke declined comment, leaving the matter to the visibly frazzled Naruto. "Honest Iruka-sensei, we didn't do nothing to her! She was sitting around picking wildflowers and then she just went berserk!"

While Sakura did look a wee bit unfocused, she certainly bore no resemblance to the frothing lunatic Naruto described. _She is approaching that age where violent mood swings were a minor, yet everyday annoyance for young girls. Then again, Sakura and violent mood swings were par for the course. _"Sakura," he warmly smiled, "you can tell me, did these two do something to upset you?"

"No, and I'm surprised you're so quick to believe Naruto's wild stories Iruka-sensei. I'm not crazy," she said with a lopsided grin. The way she was crushing that mangled bunch of wilted flowers, said otherwise. Iruka wasn't sure which one of the kids he should believe.

Sakura's glassy green eyes locked onto his, "Here's the deal, Kakashi-sensei has drilled teamwork into our heads since the first week we were assigned to him, and I just thought it would be nice for us to visit him as a team while he's in the hospital. Is that so wrong Iruka-sensei?"

The quiet desperation in Sasuke's voice was startling, "Come with us, Iruka-sensei. I mean, you remember what happened last time we visited Kakashi. We could sure use your help to keep Naruto on a short leash."

_Oh no you don't, I'm not going to let you guys drag me back to that hospital again! _

Naruto traced out the words, _"Sensei…she's nuts…please…help us,"_ along Iruka's inner arm, placing him firmly in the loathsome embrace of a quandary with halitosis. He didn't want to turn his back on the youngsters using him as a bodyguard, and he most definitely didn't wish to confront the caustic tongued reminder of his earlier recklessness. _Crap! _

The only way he could think of to ease out of this predicament without hurting anyone's feelings involved enhancing the truth. If he could get Naruto to balk, the other two might go along with him to keep the peace. _Think Iruka, what's the one thing Naruto hates with a passion? Got it! If I play my cards right, he'll refuse, freeing me to run some errands and finally close the books on this day from the bowels of hell._

"Tell you what Naruto," he said with a cunning grin, "I'll go with you guys to the hospital, if you go grocery shopping with me after ramen."

The words were hardly out of his mouth before Naruto bellyached, "You know I hate going to the market Iruka-sensei, they have… vegetables out there! Though he crossed his arms over his chest with an air of irrevocability, Iruka could tell he was mulling over the prospect of spending time with him. "Fine," he snorted, "I'll do it this time, but I'm not going to like it."

_What is this, opposite day?_

With three sets of expectant eyes imploring him, Iruka caved, "Let's get moving, and remember, we need to keep our visit brief; Kakashi-sensei needs his rest." _If my luck holds out, Kakashi-san is still unconscious or better yet, he's recovered and made a clean getaway; either way I won't have to deal with him directly. Scratch that, he's probably wide-awake and brimming with piss and vinegar. _

Hoping for the former yet fearing the latter, Iruka determined to keep up a brave front for the kids, who just might have to act as his bodyguards before the day was out.

Not even Sakura's nonstop jabbering was enough to keep his thoughts from what might shake out of this meeting with Kakashi. _Get a grip on yourself Iruka, the man is probably so hopped up on painkillers, it's doubtful he'll even recognize, let alone remember you were in the room. _

Iruka had never been afraid to talk with Kakashi before, but the two of the biggest challenges he had revolved around his face and Kakashi's eye. Intense emotions like anger or guilt, tended to blaze across his countenance as a solitary neon sign would during a power outage. That was bad enough under normal circumstances, for nothing escaped the notice of the Copy Ninja. Despite Kakashi's ability to spin the most wildly outrageous falsehoods imaginable, he was the closest thing Konoha had to a human lie detector. One penetrating gaze was all it would take for him to ferret out Iruka's secret shame.

Gai was leaving as Iruka and the kids passed through the hospital gates; he looked as downtrodden as Iruka felt. The mega-watt smile and verbose greetings that epitomized the man were painfully absent. Rendering a tiny lackadaisical wave toward the group, he sadly continued on his way. _What's the matter with him? Oh no, don't tell me Kakashi-sensei has taken a turn for the worst? _

Iruka didn't have the chance to dwell on that thought for long; Naruto broke away from the group, headed straight for the ICU. Once again, luck took pity on Iruka. Having intercepted Naruto before he could run over someone, Shizune was holding him in a headlock until he calmed down. "You better be glad I caught you instead of the Hokage," she told the squirming Naruto. "She's in pretty foul mood and who knows what she might have done to you. Besides, if you're looking for Kakashi-san, you were heading in the wrong direction anyway."

"Thanks for keeping him out of trouble Shizune, I got him now," Iruka grinned when he grabbed Naruto by the elbow. "Is Kakashi-sensei all right?"

Her alacrity and bright smile put them all at ease, "Kakashi-sensei is responding well to his treatment, he's awake and on a regular medical ward."

_Of course he was, _Iruka thought, _so much for my luck changing for the better._

"I was just on my way to his room to begin his physical therapy. Come on then," she smiled," I'm sure he'd much rather see you all instead of me."

All too soon, the five of them stood before Kakashi's third floor room…_stupid swift_ _elevators_. Naruto was nervously bouncing around, Sakura had regained her composure, and Sasuke and Iruka looked as if they were next in line for the dentist's chair.

"Wait here for a few minutes," she said, "I need to speak with Kakashi-san in private and then I'll let you in, okay?"

"All right guys, I think I'll run down to medical supply and pick up a few first-aid kits while I'm here," Iruka volunteered. "New class…weapons training in less than two weeks…I like being prepared…," he stammered.

"Nonsense Iruka-sensei, I'll have some kits delivered to your classroom first thing Monday morning." The kids eyed him uncertainly; Shizune's gaze was more analytical. "Are you all right Iruka-san? Your face is flushed and you're sweating."

Iruka barked out a laugh, "Hospitals…they make me umm… uncomfortable," he lied. _Dammed Shizune, how dare she be so helpful! _

Naruto looked him over as well, "You're acting real weird Iruka-sensei, what's the matter with you…oh, I got ya. I'll help you find a restroom, 'cause I gotta go too."

Iruka couldn't remember a time when he'd been more grateful for Naruto's timely inappropriateness.

_-000-_

Rhythmic drumming of thick fingers on solid wood, and the shallow rapid breaths of a nervous man, were the only sounds of life in the dimly lit office. "I'm sorry sir," the anxious messenger said, "That's the only information we have available."

Skimming through the preliminary incident report, Ibiki silently hoped there was some reasonable explanation that would exonerate the alleged offender. Deep down, he knew there wasn't. Shutting his eyes as if that would erase the presence of the other man, Ibiki leaned back against his chair with a heavy sigh, "Was anything taken?"

"No sir, nothing was disturbed."

_This has to be a colossal mix up. Nevertheless, personal feelings be dammed, I have an investigation to conduct and precious little time in which to get it done. "_Let's get a few ANBU to take over the patrol in the archives; I want that security detail and the old woman brought here as quickly and quietly as possible. In the meantime, round up Yamanaka-san and his team. Tell them to meet me in the conference room in twenty minutes."

"Yes sir. What would you like me to do about our primary suspect Ibiki-san?"

"I'd like to wring his neck myself, but I'll leave his fate to the Hokage's discretion. See if you can get a report from the ANBU shadowing our visitors, and let's pray they're behind this incident. You're dismissed."

Ibiki cradled his bandanna-covered head in his hands. _Of all the people in this village, he's the last one I'd suspect of doing something this stupid! _

NOTE:

More information about Kusagakure and its people can be found at: wiki/Kusagakure.


	13. Why You Little

_Last time…_

"Yes sir. What would you like me to do about our primary suspect Ibiki-san?"

"I'd like to wring his neck myself, but I'll leave his fate to the Hokage's discretion. See if you can get a report from the ANBU shadowing our visitors, and let's pray they're behind this incident. You're dismissed."

Ibiki cradled his bandanna-covered head in his hands. _Of all the people in this village, he's the last one I'd suspect of doing something this stupid! _

Confident indifference betrayed none of the rising terror within as Ibiki strolled along the passageway. A minute sneer rippled across his tight lips when shinobi parted as wheat before a scythe's edge. That never ceased to amuse him; _I'm going to need all the chuckles I can get before this meeting with Tsunade. _ This wouldn't be the first time he'd have to absorb the brunt of her wrath, but given the topic of discussion, it might be his last.

Standing before her office, his left hand clamped around the scroll, his right fist hovered; hesitant to request entrance, knowing he had no other choice. A torrent of stormy chakra seeped through the solid wooden door, _great, she's already pissed off._

"Enter!" the irritated voice beyond the door barked, "And whatever it is Ibiki, make it snappy!"

_Maybe it's a good omen,_ he thought,_ because the louder she yells, the less chance she'll resort to physical violence. _Swallowing down that annoying lump in his throat, the fly boldly stepped into the venomous spider's lair. "Lady Tsunade, I have an urgent matter to discuss."

"That's the only time you come see me anyway," she sneered. What's going on?"

Respectfully closing the gulf between them, he bowed his head and extended the scroll, "Security breach in the archives ma'am - here's what we know thus far."

Astonished impatience and stony silence buffeted him, as she scanned the information.

Laying the scroll aside with a disappointed sigh, Tsunade reached for her bottom drawer; Ibiki said nothing, politely refusing a cup with a nod when she offered. He resisted the urge to whistle after watching her slug down three shots of sake. _Crap on a stick! A drunk, calm Tsunade was an unpredictably violent Tsunade. This is gonna get ugly._

"Ibiki" , she snarled, "Are you absolutely sure about this?"

"I'm afraid so ma'am," he quietly confessed, "no other traces of chakra were found at the scene."

Propping her elbows on the desk, Tsunade rested her chin on her fists, "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking."

-000-

Shizune's private conversation with Kakashi took less than ten minutes; more than enough time for Sakura to chastise Naruto, "For crying out loud you little twerp! What I have I told you about sharing too much information in the presence of a lady?"

Nursing his throbbing head, Naruto indignantly protested, "Geez, Sakura you didn't have to hit me. "What else was I supposed to think with Iruka-sensei looking all panicky?"

"That's enough," Iruka sharply interjected, "I'll thank you both to remember why you're here. I'm sure neither of you want to upset Kakashi-sensei, so let's keep the noise to a dull roar."

Their mumbled apologies were cut short when Shizune stuck her head out the door, "Kakashi-san is ready to see you now," she smiled. "Try not to tire him out too much okay?" Opening the door fully to reveal a conscious, upright, and hospital gown clan Kakashi, Naruto nearly trampled her underfoot when he shot past her.

"What gives Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto bellowed, "You look like one of those bad guys in my comic books! Phew, what's that smell? Why do they have your head all wrapped up like a mummy?" Waving his hands before Kakashi's face, Naruto screeched, "Did something happen to your eyes?"

Pakkun burrowed under the blanket and covered his ears, _why_ _doesn't that kid come with a mute button? _

Sasuke clutched at his head in pain, as Naruto's normal volume was sending shock waves through him. "He's not deaf bonehead! Neither are we."

Iruka quickly stepped forward to grab Naruto's still waving arm, "Quiet down Naruto," he snapped. "You're being rude!"

"Maa, it's all right Iruka-sensei," Kakashi grinned, "I'm accustomed to Naruto's inquisitive nature; he gets right to the point doesn't he?"

Unsure whether he'd just been insulted, Naruto looked to Iruka for confirmation. Iruka minutely shook his head. "So what happened on your mission Kakashi-sensei? Did you have to kill anybody? Did you have to use your Sharingan? You did, didn't you, that's why you're all worn out, right?"

Kakashi beckoned toward the place he last heard Naruto's voice, "If you come closer and promise to be quiet, I'll answer all your questions."

Pleased to have their sensei single him out, Naruto was leaning over the guardrail in a heartbeat.

"My last mission was highly classified," began Kakashi's tale, "but what I can tell you is, it involved escorting a set of nubile triplets safely to their village."

Naruto was agape, his eyes unblinking as Kakashi folded his arms across his chest. Sakura, Sasuke, and Iruka looked heavenward, knowing the Hatake ridiculous lie train was soon to pull out of the station.

"They were all pretty hot- and grimy from the trail" Kakashi went on, "practically begged me for the chance to rinse off in a nearby lake. As their escort, I was duty-bound not only to protect them, but to oblige them as well. Long story short Naruto, I shouldn't have peeked while they were bathing, but I couldn't help myself. Evidently it was too much for me and my retinas short-circuited."

Naruto gave him a calculating look, "Retinas, huh, that sounds real perverted."

Sasuke just sighed, silently happy to see Kakashi was back to normal. "Apparently blowing a fuse in your retinas," he sneered, "did nothing to curb your creativity."

"Whatever Kakashi-sensei, Sakura said holding out the sad bits of horticulture, "These are for you-from all of us, ah, except Iruka-sensei." Suddenly realizing her mistake, she retreated behind Iruka's solid frame. _Way to Sakura, the man obviously can't see them. Now I'll never get an invitation to the wedding._

"Why thank you," Kakashi diplomatically replied. "They smell lovely."

"Anyways, I hope you get out of here soon," Naruto crabbed, "Training these guys all by myself is starting to get old."

Kakashi's hearty laugh caught them all off-guard, "Not to worry Naruto, Tsunade-sama will probably discharge me by Tuesday. If she doesn't," he whispered, "I'll be counting on you guys to help me escape."

Naruto breathlessly asked, "Seriously Kakashi-sensei? All right! What do you want us to do?"

Patting the boy on the shoulder, Iruka softly mentioned, "The first thing we need to do is let Kakashi-sensei get his rest Naruto." Bowing his head toward Kakashi he offered, "Sorry we disturbed you Kakashi-sensei, glad you're feeling better."

"No harm done, I couldn't sleep anyway," Kakashi sourly explained. "My Infernal Rival's visited me twice already today, and that was three times too many."

Iruka chuckled, "Say no more Kakashi-san, believe me, I understand completely."

Still mortified by her gaffe, Sakura grabbed the opportunity to flee first, "See ya Kakashi-sensei," she stammered, chucking the flowers into the nearest garbage can.

"Hey! What's with the bum's rush?" Naruto shouted. "I thought you were going to tell us your plan for us busting you out of here Kakashi-sensei."

Snatching a handful of Naruto's jacket and Iruka's satchel, Sasuke dragged the protesting boy away from Kakashi's bedside, "Come on moron. He was joking."

Iruka had one foot over the threshold when Kakashi drawled, "Maa, Iruka-sensei, if you could spare a few minutes, I need to speak with you- about a confidential matter."

"Of course, Kakashi-san," was his immediate, yet tentative response. _Dammit!_ _He's on to me!_

"We'll meet you in the waiting area," Naruto stridently insisted as Sasuke drug him backward. "and don't let him pervert you with all his retina talk Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka felt as if he'd sealed his fate when he quietly closed the door. _At least I won't need to go far for emergency treatment. _Taking a seat well out of Kakashi's reach, Iruka waited for the inevitable. _Calm down Iruka, there's no way he could know what you've done. Don't be evasive or defensive when he does start talking. Just smile and breathe. _

Although Kakashi couldn't pinpoint exactly when rattling Iruka's cage had become a favorite past time, the chunnin's reactions to his teasing never failed to amuse and slightly terrify Kakashi. _It's a shame I can't watch his emotions transform, but this still promises to be fun. _He could sense the waves of uneasiness rolling off Iruka, even as he struggled to appear relaxed. Kakashi saw it as a challenge to ensure he did nothing to alleviate said tension.

After an indescribable silence, Iruka's paranoia neared its zenith. _Come on ya rat bastard, just kill me, and get this over with._

_Let the games begin! _Kakashi let out an annoyed puff of breath, "I know what you've been up to Iruka," he said, "and it's only fair to warn you that…"

"Kakashi-san—I can explain," Iruka nervously started. This all came about as a ..."

"It's a little too late for flimsy excuses now, isn't it?" Kakashi's voice took on a hardened edge, "We can drop the honorifics from this point onward as well."

_Well this is perfect, _Iruka thought. _ If I've nudged the man into a deranged killing spree, he'll likely get a few months in jail and some intensive counseling. Meanwhile, I'll be dyed, fried, and laid to the side. Crap!_

Kakashi sensed the rising panic and twisted the screws a touch. "While I admire your persistence and intestinal fortitude Iruka, I have to say I was shocked by your actions…"

"I honestly can't believe I did it either," Iruka's head hung low, and he felt it fitting to go out with the truth as his last words. "I don't know what came over me-"I'm sorry Kakashi-san. You see I was only trying to…"

"The deed's done Iruka, and now you have to face the consequences."

"Yes," he swallowed, "yes of course Kakashi-san, I accept full responsibility." Iruka closed his eyes tightly, hoping Kakashi would make his death quick and painless.

More silence and then, "I will admit that I was moved, but I'm not the type of man that's easily wooed." Kakashi moved in for the kill, dramatically inflecting, "You must promise to be gentle with me as I'm hardly in any condition to fend off your advances Iruka-sensei."

Iruka opened one eye slowly;_ Say what now? Advances? Woo, who you? _"Pardon me Kakashi-san," he stammered, "What the blue blazes are you talking about?"

How Kakashi managed to project a crestfallen expression despite the bandages and surgical mask was a mystery to Iruka. "Have you dismissed me already? How fickle you are Iruka-sensei. Did your confession of undying love for me the other night, mean nothing?"

The chair crazily skidded away as Iruka abruptly jumped to his feet, "What?" he shouted. "Oh for the love of-I was apologizing and saying a prayer for you -you pompous pervert!"

_Bingo!_ Kakashi could tell the man was blushing profusely, and spitting mad like a drenched cat. _What I wouldn't give to see how red his face must be. _

"Sorry Iruka-sensei," he laughed, "I guess I'm rest-broken and bored out of my mind. I meant no harm, just teasing you."

_And to think, I was determined to be nicer this jackass! _Affronted yet greatly relieved, Iruka turned to leave, "So glad to be a source of hilarity for you Kakashi-san. If that will be all, I need to collect Naruto before he gets himself into trouble."

"I hadn't heard that prayer said in years," Kakashi softly said to Iruka's withdrawing back. "My father - he taught me the same one when I was a little kid. Hearing it again, cheered me up. I want you to know that - I appreciated the sentiment."

Every ounce of anger and unease oozed from Iruka, "I see -well, I should go now Kakashi-san," he muttered excusing himself from the room.

-000-

"We have a slew of foreign representatives milling around in the village," Tsunade said, "and the timing of this thing is too ironic. Isn't there a remote chance any one of them could have perpetrated this crime?"

"Not likely Lady Tsunade," was Ibiki's unflinching report. "Each visitor's been accompanied by a jounin escort since their arrival, and ANBU operatives are shadowing their every movement. I'm afraid the only trace of chakra at the scene belongs to one of our people."

Chewing at her bottom lip Tsunade snorted, "This doesn't make any sense at all; what about the security patrol, could this be a ruse to cover their tracks?"

Ibiki remained at attention, his twitching eyebrow the only concession to his anxiety. "It's within the realm of possibility, but we're pulling at straws right now. We have an eyewitness who can place him at the scene; she claims he was the only person with access at the time."

"Dammit! The flying scroll practically embedded itself into the wall behind Ibiki, "I don't need this right now!"

"Understood ma'am," he bowed, "The eyewitness and the security detail are being questioned as we speak Lady Tsunade. I'll brief you as soon as we get more solid information."

-000-

_I don't think he suspected anything, _Iruka breathed, but _he has one hellva nerve to assume I was propositioning him! Crazy ass jounin! _

Rounding the corner, Iruka was comforted to find the waiting area didn't resemble a war zone as he'd feared; the kids were actually sitting together quietly talking.

It wasn't until he came closer that he realized why things were so peaceful.

Leave it to Sasuke to engineer a rather complex web of chakra wire around Naruto effectively holding him in his seat. _That alone should have had him screeching insults at the top of his lungs. _ "Aside from the chakra wire to keep him still," Iruka wondered aloud, "how'd you manage to keep him so quiet?"

"Oh, that was easy," Sakura happily volunteered. "We told him if he didn't shut up, we'd tell Teuchi-san not to serve him anything, due to his recently diagnosed severe ramen allergy. Works like a charm every time Iruka-sensei."

Iruka struggled to wipe the smile off his face, as Naruto glared daggers at his teammates, "I'll have to keep that in mind Sakura. All right Sasuke, you can let him go, thank you." Covering his mouth with his fist, Iruka watched Naruto struggle in vain as Sasuke took his time freeing him.

Before the boy could launch into an angry tirade, Iruka said, "Come on Naruto; let's get some ramen while they're still allowed to serve you."

Once the others ran off to enjoy what was remained of their Sunday, the curiously quiet Naruto grabbed Iruka's heavy satchel and headed for the stairwell.

"The elevator takes too long," he explained. "Besides, you look kinda squinty-eyed, you know, all bent out of shape. You can't let Kakashi-sensei's pervert talk bother you, he's just weird like that."

"Kakashi-sensei's perversity is the last thing on my mind," he said as he playfully tousled the boy's hair. "What's going on with you?"

"I got female troubles-I mean one minute Sakura's talking and laughing with me and the next she's helping Sasuke hog-tie me to a chair."

"Girls are funny that way Naruto," he laughed.

"She's been goofy like that all day long. When we were training, after I knocked Sasuke on his butt, she was all smiles; then outta nowhere she punched a humongous hole in the ground. At first, I thought a bee or something stung her, but then she totally flipped out. Kept mumbling something about teamwork, and damaging our family jewels if we didn't come with her to see Kakashi- sensei. Well the joke's on her, huh Iruka-sensei 'cause I don't have any jewelry. I think Sasuke does because he kept hiding behind me."

Iruka grabbed him by the elbow and whispered in his ear, "Family 'jewels' is a nice way of talking about the reproductive bits of a …"

Oh yeah! Naruto yelled, "Let's see how much she likes it when I do the same thing to her!"

Iruka thumped him in the forehead, "I think it's time for us to have 'The Big Talk' Naruto.

_-000-_

"One of these days," Pakkun chortled, "that little chunnin's gonna hurt you Kakashi."

"Maa, Iruka-sensei's a good sport," Kakashi snorted, "and the day he lands a hit on me is the same day I turn in my ninja registration card. Come on, even you have to admit that was pretty funny." After a languid stretch he added, "Besides, listening to instead of watching him run through the gamut of emotions was interesting."

A small flare of energy to his left reinforced the axiom that there truly is 'no rest for the wicked'. "What the hell do you want Taji?"

"A pleasure to see you too," Taji sniped. "You really should be nicer to me; after all I'll be your nursemaid for a few weeks. It would be a real tragedy if something untoward happened to you on my watch."

"And the reason you're here," he gruffed, "is what exactly?"

Sticking out her tongue at him, she teased, "I'm here to torment you naturally. Seriously, I've got two things for you; your medicine and news about my meeting with Tsunade."

"Is she going to release me early?"

"Maybe, I presented her with a brilliant plan and I could tell she was considering it, right up until the time she kicked me out of her office."

"So, there's a good chance she might keep me here longer, just to get back at you. Do me a kindness Taji, Stop. Helping. Me."

Taji ignored his complaint concentrating on measuring out his medication, "It's not nice to prey on someone's anxieties," she cautioned, "especially someone as volatile as Iruka. Who knows how he might have reacted had you continued to push his buttons?"

Kakashi cocked his head in her general direction, "How do you even know Iruka-sensei, and when did you get so chummy with him?"

"Did I forget to tell you about that? We met the night Tsunade admitted you. He's a feisty one that Iruka; pulled a kunai on me and seemed rather intent on using it too."

Kakashi clapped his hands slowly, "Congratulations Taji! Even I never pissed him off that much where he drew a weapon. I'm surprised you didn't feed it to him; you're getting soft."

Taji smiled pensively, "Iruka thought he was protecting you from an enemy. It was sweet, in a suicidal kinda way. Anyway, it's time for your medicine. Be a good boy and chug it down so I can get outta here."

Wrinkling his nose in disgust, Kakashi whined, "Can't you ask your grandmother to reformulate this stuff, as a pill preferably?"

Knowing Kakashi couldn't appreciate the gesture, she rolled her eyes slowly, "You done complaining yet? Look, this stuff has to get into your bloodstream rapidly, so it's either this, an injection, or a suppository. Since I'm the one who has to make sure you take it, don't even think about asking for a suppository."

"Fine," came the defeated huff, "Hand it over-I'll take it as it is."

Watching him grimace as he poured the antidote down his gullet, she grinned, "You know, Iruka seems far more normal than your other little jounin friends. I could get to like him-he's a handsome young fella too."

"He's neither a jounin, nor a friend," Kakashi coughed. "At best, he's an acquaintance. And for Kami's sake Taji, you shouldn't be paying attention to other men's appearances."

"Oh lighten up Kakashi;" slapping him on the back she joked, "I'm married, not blind-oh, - sorry. Speaking of handsome other men, Gai's probably going to spend a lot of time with us at the house. I have a feeling I'll need somebody to help me work off the frustrations of dealing with you every day."

Kakashi made a sour face.

"What's the matter Hatake-sama? Can't stand the thought of Gai and me, breathing hard," she inferred lustily. "Hot and dripping with perspiration as we do it right there in the open spaces of the backyard."

"Please Taji, I'm nauseous as it is; did you have to give me a mental image of you and Gai 'working out your frustrations too?'"

"Imagine him writhing beneath me as I pin his wrists to ground with my knees-my delicate little hand reaching down to grab his thick, hard -nun chucks…"

"Eww…for crying out loud Taji, I really am gonna puke. It's not the medicine, just the thought of you and Gai rolling around doing your thing."

"Must your every thought have a sexual twist? Cheese and crackers, you're such a depraved little fella!"


End file.
